Difference between revisions of "Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department"
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The '''Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department''' is a nomadic collective of research mathematicians who live autonomously in vehicles in the vast desert surrounding the Hellmouth. They prefer their full title, "Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department," to the shorter "Mathematics Department," but will accept either. However, under no circumstances should they ever be referred to as the "Math Department." If you do, they will show up outside of your home and harangue you with advanced mathematics. | The '''Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department''' is a nomadic collective of research mathematicians who live autonomously in vehicles in the vast desert surrounding the Hellmouth. They prefer their full title, "Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department," to the shorter "Mathematics Department," but will accept either. However, under no circumstances should they ever be referred to as the "Math Department." If you do, they will show up outside of your home and harangue you with advanced mathematics. | ||
| − | The Mathematics Department | + | Despite their extreme isolation, the Mathematics Department fosters many flourishing collaborations with other academic research institutions. The collective does not communicate directly with outside entities; rather, the collective employs a "fixer" lawyer, who makes visits to various institutions and persons on behalf of their client. |
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| + | [[Image:HCC_MathematicsDepartment.jpg|500px|thumb|right|An aerial view of the Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department.]] | ||
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| + | ==Membership== | ||
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| + | The Mathematics Department is an elite collective of research mathematicians - mainly number theorists, although occasionally mathematicians from other branches (topology, functional analysis, etc.) are invited to join the collective. Within the Mathematics Department, mathematics with no practical purpose is the most highly prized. The Mathematics Department discourages its members from attempting to find practical applications for the mathematics they research. There are no applied mathematicians, computational mathematicians, or engineering mathematicians in the Mathematics Department collective. | ||
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| + | ==Rules== | ||
Rules are taken very seriously in the Mathematics Department, and the first rule of the Mathematics Department is that no one is ever allowed to write a decimal number. In one notable incident, a group of mathematicians were banished for life from the collective when they were caught sharing volumes of tables of physical properties of steam - hundreds of pages of tables filled with decimal numbers. The Mathematics Department sealed the books in a lead-lined container, buried them deep in the desert (they weren't sure how deep, but it could surely be represented by using an integer larger than 10), and placed permanent, passive markers capable of surviving extreme desert climates for hundreds of years, with the purpose of warning future generations of the extremely noxious material buried beneath. | Rules are taken very seriously in the Mathematics Department, and the first rule of the Mathematics Department is that no one is ever allowed to write a decimal number. In one notable incident, a group of mathematicians were banished for life from the collective when they were caught sharing volumes of tables of physical properties of steam - hundreds of pages of tables filled with decimal numbers. The Mathematics Department sealed the books in a lead-lined container, buried them deep in the desert (they weren't sure how deep, but it could surely be represented by using an integer larger than 10), and placed permanent, passive markers capable of surviving extreme desert climates for hundreds of years, with the purpose of warning future generations of the extremely noxious material buried beneath. | ||
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| + | ==The Chuck Wagon== | ||
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| + | As a result of their absolute refusal to use mathematics to do practical things in the real world, the Mathematics Department is hopelessly incapable of basic repairs, figuring out how much water is needed to stay alive, or managing finances. (And you can forget about the basic social interactions required for monetary purchases; collective members require weeks to recover from any social interaction.) | ||
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| + | In order to ensure the well-being of the Mathematics Department and make sure the collective doesn't perish in the desert, the [[Hellmouth Community College]] sends a weekly delivery of food and water to the Mathematics Department. This weekly delivery is nicknamed "The Chuck Wagon". (As a general rule, the reason for this nickname is not discussed, but it has to do with what happened the last time the deliveries stopped.) | ||
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| + | [[Category:Hellmouth Community College]] | ||
| + | [[Category:Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department]] | ||
Latest revision as of 19:36, 3 August 2025
The Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department is a nomadic collective of research mathematicians who live autonomously in vehicles in the vast desert surrounding the Hellmouth. They prefer their full title, "Hellmouth Community College Mathematics Department," to the shorter "Mathematics Department," but will accept either. However, under no circumstances should they ever be referred to as the "Math Department." If you do, they will show up outside of your home and harangue you with advanced mathematics.
Despite their extreme isolation, the Mathematics Department fosters many flourishing collaborations with other academic research institutions. The collective does not communicate directly with outside entities; rather, the collective employs a "fixer" lawyer, who makes visits to various institutions and persons on behalf of their client.
Membership
The Mathematics Department is an elite collective of research mathematicians - mainly number theorists, although occasionally mathematicians from other branches (topology, functional analysis, etc.) are invited to join the collective. Within the Mathematics Department, mathematics with no practical purpose is the most highly prized. The Mathematics Department discourages its members from attempting to find practical applications for the mathematics they research. There are no applied mathematicians, computational mathematicians, or engineering mathematicians in the Mathematics Department collective.
Rules
Rules are taken very seriously in the Mathematics Department, and the first rule of the Mathematics Department is that no one is ever allowed to write a decimal number. In one notable incident, a group of mathematicians were banished for life from the collective when they were caught sharing volumes of tables of physical properties of steam - hundreds of pages of tables filled with decimal numbers. The Mathematics Department sealed the books in a lead-lined container, buried them deep in the desert (they weren't sure how deep, but it could surely be represented by using an integer larger than 10), and placed permanent, passive markers capable of surviving extreme desert climates for hundreds of years, with the purpose of warning future generations of the extremely noxious material buried beneath.
The Chuck Wagon
As a result of their absolute refusal to use mathematics to do practical things in the real world, the Mathematics Department is hopelessly incapable of basic repairs, figuring out how much water is needed to stay alive, or managing finances. (And you can forget about the basic social interactions required for monetary purchases; collective members require weeks to recover from any social interaction.)
In order to ensure the well-being of the Mathematics Department and make sure the collective doesn't perish in the desert, the Hellmouth Community College sends a weekly delivery of food and water to the Mathematics Department. This weekly delivery is nicknamed "The Chuck Wagon". (As a general rule, the reason for this nickname is not discussed, but it has to do with what happened the last time the deliveries stopped.)
