User:Ch4zm/June 2025/Alewife Lore Jam

original

The AA.png Alewife Arsonists are a Golly team from the Alewife Metro Station in the Alewife district of Cambridge, a neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts. Unsurprisingly, the Alewife Arsonists are big fans of setting things on fire in any way possible - be it a classic Molotov Cocktail or a flamethrower attached to a drone.

In Season 14 the Alewife Arsonists were shocked to discover that their cross-town rivals the BB.png Boylston Boogers were joining the Golly league, replacing the ATL.png Atlanta Glitter Sharks . The Arsonists and Boogers have been frenemies since childhood, and compete each year for the MTA Crown.

ideas

• The Commuter Rage Gestalt: The Arsonists are not a team of individuals, but a single, psychic entity formed from the collective, incandescent rage of every commuter who has ever been screwed over by a Red Line delay at Alewife. Their slogan, "Burn it down!", is a literal echo of a million muttered curses. Their cellular patterns are fueled by pure, unadulterated frustration, making them erratic, aggressive, and prone to explosive, often self-destructive, final generations.

• Embodied Driving Habits: The Arsonists are the metaphysical embodiment of every driver who has ever navigated the Fresh Pond Rotary right outside the station. Their automata follow no logical rules of engagement. They will cut off opponents without warning, execute blatantly illegal "moves" that defy the game's physics, and treat every single match like a blood feud over the last parking spot at Market Basket. Their patterns are chaos made manifest.

• A Choir of Profane Townie Angels: They are a chorus of the disembodied, overlapping shouts of every Townie who ever yelled at a yuppie to "Go back to Wellesley!" from a triple-parked sedan. Their strategy is pure intimidation and psychic noise. Their automata form patterns that are the CA equivalent of leering at you from a porch while drinking a 'Gansett, judging your very existence. They don't win by being better; they win by making their opponent so existentially uncomfortable that their patterns simply give up and go home.

improvements

• The Alewife Arsonists are a collective of commuters who hail from the Alewife station of the Boston MTA line.

• Arsonists are known for showering their opponents with noise during games. They create a collective chorus of disembodied shouts of every Townie shouting at yuppies from a triple-parked sedan, or shouting at you from the porch to keep walking until you're out of the neighborhood while drinking a 'Gansett and judging your existence.

• One of their favorite chants, unleashed on their Boylston rivals, is "GO BACK TO WELLESLEY!"

• Arsonist patterns are fueled by a mix of commuter impatience and frustration, plus an erratic aggressiveness that is prone to causing self-destructive flameouts. They don't win by being better than their opponents, they win by wearing down their opponents with noise, throwing them off guard with their erratic and aggressive play, and wearing them out until their defenses are lowered, at which point they either go for the kill or self-immolate.

• Being an Alewife Arsonists fan requires faith, not sight. The matches themselves, occurring at the South End of Platform B and shrouded in shadow and diesel fumes, are deemed too hazardous for spectators to attend live. Matches are also blacked out on all local broadcasts, leaving Alewife fans without a way to see the matches.

• On match nights, Alewife fans (The Garage Faithful) will gather in the Alewife Station parking garage, a damp echoing expanse of concrete filled with vehicles that have been abandoned in the parking garage for years. Fans will pile into the different vehicles and catch "The Spark" - a pirate signal broadcast from deep within Alewife Station.

• The Spark provides fans with their sole connection to the game. The announcer, Brake Master Cylinder, is a mysterious, gravelly voice that narrates the action from a hidden location overlooking the tracks. The roar of a passing train on the adjacent track might drown out a crucial play, or sometimes even the final score, leaving everyone breathless and confused long after the match is done.

more great ideas

The Pirate Radio Announcer: Games are blacked out on all official channels. Arsonists fans gather in the husks of abandoned cars in the Alewife garage and listen to a pirate broadcast on a secret frequency. The announcer, a disembodied voice known only as "The Brakeman," calls the games with the gravelly cadence of a man who's seen too many third-rail fires. He describes the cellular automata in gritty, poetic terms ("And the blinker column collapses like a Dorchester triple-decker with bad foundation!"). For Arsonists fans, this audio experience is the game; sight is irrelevant.

The (Brutalist) Concrete Cathedral: My previous mention of buses was, it turns out, accidentally correct but lacked the proper context. Alewife is not merely a subway stop; it is a massive intermodal transit hub and a celebrated masterpiece of Brutalist architecture. It is a "concrete cathedral" where the Red Line subway, a sprawling multi-story parking garage, and a cavernous busway all collide. It is the end of the line, the final stop where the city's main artery frays into the suburbs and the adjacent Alewife Brook Reservation swampland.

The Three Altars: The Arsonists' power is drawn from three distinct sources within the station, a trinity of urban decay and motion.

• The Altar of Steel (The Subway Platform): This is where matches are held, on the South End of Platform B. The game grid is a shimmering projection of light and hate directly over the third rail, its energy drawn from the raw, dirty electricity that powers the Red Line. The screech of an arriving train is the opening bell; the automated "Stand clear of the closing doors" is a curse upon the visiting team.
• The Altar of Fumes (The Busway): The Arsonists' rage and chaotic energy are literally fed by the cacophony and pollution of the station's cavernous bus terminal. During a match, the psychic entities of the Arsonist collective can cause the idling buses to rev their engines in unison, sending waves of thick, vision-obscuring, pattern-disrupting diesel fumes onto the platform—a true home-field advantage.
• The Altar of Rust (The Garage): The fans, the unseen entities and generational spirits of commuters past, do not enter the hazardous platform area. They gather in their traditional seats: the thousands of abandoned, rusted-out vehicles that haunt the dark corners of the Alewife parking garage, one of the largest and most confusing concrete labyrinths in the Commonwealth.

The Ritual of Radio: With matches blacked out locally and the platform itself too dangerous for spectators, the fans experience the game as a sacred audio ritual. They sit in the cold, cracked vinyl seats of their chosen vehicles—a '91 Camry, an '85 Dodge Caravan—and tune their old analog radios to a secret pirate frequency. There, they listen to "The Brakeman" call the game, his voice crackling with static. A Boogers advance is met with a unified, psychic scream of "GO BACK TO WELLESLEY!" that causes the garage's fluorescent lights to flicker. A victory for the Arsonists is celebrated not with cheers, but with the "Alewife Salute": a deafening, echoing symphony of a thousand dying car horns honking at once.

This is the true nature of the Alewife Arsonists. They are not just from a subway station. They are a product of a Brutalist concrete temple built on a swamp, a place where steel, fumes, and rust converge at the very end of the line.

Concessions by Sully: There are no official vendors. Refreshments are provided by a man named Sully from Somerville, who operates out of the trunk of his illegally parked '98 Buick LeSabre. His offerings are simple: coolers of lukewarm Narragansett Lager, bags of Cape Cod potato chips, and Fluffernutter sandwiches on white bread. Getting a 'Gansett and a sandwich is a sacred pilgrimage for fans, a brief journey into the heart of authentic Boston nourishment.

boylston rivalry

The Architectural Heresy: The rivalry is an aesthetic holy war. Boylston, one of the oldest stations, is a landmark of historic tile and wrought iron. Alewife is a modern (1985) concrete cathedral of Brutalism. The Boogers see Alewife as a soulless, monstrous parking garage with a subway attached. The Arsonists see Boylston as a cramped, crumbling, inefficient relic for tourists. This feud exploded when a Booger-sympathizing architecture critic called Alewife "a monument to despair," and in retaliation, the Arsonists' patterns began mimicking the cracks in Boylston's ancient tilework, a deep and personal insult.

(lmao. an architecture critic who "sides with the Boogers")

The Pirate Radio Jam: In a pivotal match for the MTA Crown, the Boogers, appalled by the low-fidelity nature of the Arsonists' fan culture, attempted to "jam" The Brakeman's pirate radio signal. They didn't use technology; they broadcasted a live, avant-garde poetry reading on the same frequency. The plan backfired spectacularly. The discordant noise and abstract imagery of the poetry only fed the Arsonists' chaotic gestalt, causing their patterns to evolve in beautiful, terrifyingly unpredictable ways, leading to an infamous victory known to Alewife fans as "The Howl."

End of the Line vs. Center of the Universe: This is the core of their philosophical divide. The Arsonists are "End-of-the-Liners," their identity forged at the terminal point where the city frays into swampland. Their patterns start at the grid's edge and burn inward. The Boogers, whose station opens onto the Boston Common, are "Centrists" who believe they are the hub of existence. Their patterns emerge in the center and expand outward, often collapsing when they touch the "unimportant" edges of the grid.

An Echo of Shared Trauma: Their linked origin in the great 90s blackout defines their interactions. The Arsonists were born of heat and rage in a stalled train. The Boogers were born of cold and dread in a damp tunnel. When they play, this polarity manifests on the grid. Arsonist patterns raise the metaphysical "temperature" of the game, causing opponents' patterns to become brittle. Booger patterns generate a "dampness," causing opponents to become sluggish and bogged down in a virtual slime.

The "Cartographical Defamation": The modern rivalry’s "First Burn" was not ignited by a match, but by a mosaic. In a grand act of civic arrogance, the Boylston Boogers unveiled a massive, permanent tile map in their station. Commissioned from a celebrated and notoriously smug artist from Wellesley, the piece was a masterpiece of passive aggression. It depicted the Green Line as a thick, vibrant artery of emerald and gold tile, pulsing with life. In stark contrast, the Red Line was rendered as a thin, pathetic capillary of cracked crimson ceramic that withered and fizzled into a gray, featureless smudge at Alewife. This public insult, the "Cartographical Defamation," was the moment the "GO BACK TO WELLESLEY!" chant was first spat in fury.