Template:HellmouthPianoTunersControlledBurn StopHittingYourself

Hellmouth Season 19 LDS: The "Stop Hitting Yourself" Protocol

After losing Game 1, and realizing they were out-matched and out-classed by the Long Beach Flightless Birds , the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners decided to annoy them to death to win the series. The Flightless Birds, an entity built on dignity and rhythm, were unprepared for the Tuners weaponized immaturity and were psychologically dismantled. the Tuners threw a gigantic, Texas-sized tantrum that lasted from the moment Game 2 started to the moment Game 5 ended. It was a non-stop string of childish behavior that overwhelmed the Bird and nearly pushed the simulator to a breaking point. The Tuners employed several tactics, including freezing in confusion and staring blankly at the Birds - Was there a whistle? Was there a server error? Why are they staring at us like that? - and in that split second of hesitation, the Tuners would break their own stillness with a violent, sucker-punch glider stream, sneaking formations past the Birds and racking up critical go-ahead points while the Birds were still buffering. The moves were technically legal, but entirely unsportsmanlike, and infuriatingly effective.

The Tuners also employed an echo chamber: Whenever the Flightless Birds attempted to communicate or coordinate data ("Shift left!", "Cycle up!"), the Tuners immediately rebroadcast the signal back on a slightly delayed, higher-pitched frequency: "Shift left? Shift left? Cycle up? Cycle up?" They flooded the grid with chirps - "Shift right? Shift left? Cycle down? What?" - until no one could hear or understand anything in the cacophony. The Tuners also clogged the Birds' comms channels with the digital equivalent of "What? What? Huh? I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." They picked fights after every whistle. They flopped. They whined. And somehow, it all worked.

The victory was sealed with weaponized, petty pestering. When the final horn sounded in Game 4, and the Tuners secured their 3-1 series win, there was no applause. The Flightless Birds left the grid in disgusted silence. The exhausted referees were relieved the tantrums were finally over. The Commissioner had a terrible headache and refused to take any calls for a week. Even the Piano Tuners' own fans seemed embarrassed to be holding "We Won!" signs as they shuffled out of the stadium. The Tuners had advanced to the "Texas Crown" showdown against the Baltimore Texas , but they arrived with zero dignity and negative karma.

Season 19 Cold League Division Series Results Table
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners vs. Long Beach Flightless Birds
	Winner	W Score	Margin	L Score	Loser	Generations	Link
Game 1	Long Beach Flightless Birds	242	72.73%	66	Ft. Worth Piano Tuners	1,857	e71ca63a-c808-434f-af66-afe992ec4326
Game 2	Ft. Worth Piano Tuners	168	75.60%	41	Long Beach Flightless Birds	1,739	4871db16-792b-4fd3-a522-b90984d07bff
Game 3	Ft. Worth Piano Tuners	241	69.71%	73	Long Beach Flightless Birds	2,742	5fee7df2-0cb3-45db-92fe-67838f4adf9a
Game 4	Ft. Worth Piano Tuners	193	40.41%	115	Long Beach Flightless Birds	1,188	f18706fa-31d2-4a7a-9900-c071c5c09fe0