Baltimore Texas

Related: Baltimore Piano Tuners

Baltimore Texas
"Austin, Maryland!"
Team Information
Name Baltimore Texas Primary Color #3e92cc Secondary Color #ffffff Logo    Abbreviation BTX Hometown Baltimore, MD Stadium The Alamo (Lord Baltimore Theater) Emoji ⭐️ Status Incinerated Reincarnated as Baltimore Texas II
Rivalry Crowns
Texas Crown
Favorites
Integer 13 Movie Texas
Divination
Element Water Power Word choke
Motto
Dum spiro despero (While I breathe, I despair)
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

The Baltimore Texas are were are a Golly team from Baltimore, Maryland. The Baltimore Texas were known as The Cold League Choke Artists due to their numerous appearances in the postseason, without any appearances in the Hellmouth Cup. Their Hot League counterparts were the Detroit Grape Chews.

The Baltimore Texas were incinerated at the end of Toroidal/Season 20 as part of the Cancel Texas Memo. On October 10, 2021, shortly after the Toroidal/Season 20 postseason had ended, a planned incineration ceremony for the Baltimore Texas was cut short when the Commissioner accidentally sat on the incineration button and incinerated the Texas before the ceremony began. Following the event, the Commissioner established Ten Ten, an annual holiday for teams that have not yet been incinerated to celebrate being un-incinerated.

The Baltimore Texas were reincarnated and reinstated as the Baltimore Texas II for the Hellmouth III Cup. The entire city of Baltimore breathed a collective sigh of relief when the much-reviled and widely-despised Baltimore Piano Tuners (composed of humiliated members of the former hated rivals Ft. Worth Piano Tuners ) were incinerated.

Season by Season Summary

Season-by-Season Summaries for Baltimore Texas .

Baltimore Texas in the Hellmouth Cup

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX}}

• In Season 2 the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Elko Astronauts 2-3.
• In Season 4 the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Seattle Sneakers 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the Long Beach Flightless Birds .
• In Season 5 the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Tucson Butchers 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Elko Astronauts 2-3.
• In Season 6 the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the San Diego Balloon Animals .
• In Season 8 the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They swept the Tucson Butchers 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Seattle Sneakers 2-3.
• In Season 10 the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Season 11 the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Seattle Sneakers 2-3.
• In Season 12 the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Jersey OSHA Violations 2-3.
• In Season 14 the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 2-3.
• In Season 18 the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Season 19 the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 2-3.
• In Season 20 the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Phoenix Freshrolls 2-3.
• In Season 22 the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Seattle Sneakers 1-3.

Baltimore Texas in the Toroidal Cup

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX}}

• In Toroidal/Season 3 the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They swept the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Elko Astronauts 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 4 the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 5 the Baltimore Texas were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 9 the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 13 the Baltimore Texas were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the San Diego Balloon Animals 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 14 the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the San Diego Balloon Animals 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 17 the Baltimore Texas were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They swept the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Tucson Butchers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 19 the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the San Diego Balloon Animals 2-3.

Post-Reincarnation Season by Season Summary

Season-by-Season Summaries for Baltimore Texas II .

Baltimore Texas II in the Hellmouth III Cup

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}

• In Hellmouth III/Season 2 the Baltimore Texas II were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Albuquerque Solarpunks 1-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 7 the Baltimore Texas II were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Seattle Sneakers 2-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 10 the Baltimore Texas II were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Salt Lake Turbulence 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the San Diego Balloon Animals 1-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 12 the Baltimore Texas II were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the Albuquerque Solarpunks .
• In Hellmouth III/Season 17 the Baltimore Texas II were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They swept the Elko Astronauts 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 1-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 20 the Baltimore Texas II were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Phoenix Freshrolls 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the San Diego Balloon Animals 2-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 22 the Baltimore Texas II were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They swept the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 3-4.

Art

Logo

While the team does not have an official logo, Baltimore Texas fans will claim (usually loudly) that anything with a five-pointed star attached to it or painted on it is an explicit endorsement of the Baltimore Texas - unless proven otherwise.

This map of Baltimore is sometimes used as a stand-in for a logo:

Cup Posters

The Baltimore Texas were the Cold League Choke Artists, meaning they never made it to a Cup series, meaning they never made it onto a cup poster.