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The Tucson Butchers are a Golly team from Tucson, Arizona. They spend most of their day in their butcher shop, surrounded by flesh and blood, although it is rarely open. The shop is famous for its wide selection of sausages, and for mysterious occurrences around the shop (large pools of blood appearing in the street, strange noises emanating from the basement, etc.). If you ask locals about any of these occurrences, they will laugh it off cheerfully, then tail you conspicuously until you leave town.

While they are best known for their craven bloodlust and frenzied formations on the Golly grid, the Butchers are quiet and mysterious. The Butchers and Milwaukee Flamingos fell deeply and instantly in love during the Season 9 Hellmouth Cup (Valentine's Day), which led to the formation of the Midwest Love Triangle. The Tucson Butchers are happily married to the Milwaukee Flamingos.

The Butchers are famous for their excellent and diverse taste in music. The Butchers were the first Golly team to drop a Mixtape, hosting a mixtape drop party, and its instant success led other teams to start their own mixtape and drop party traditions.