Milwaukee Flamingos

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Milwaukee Flamingos
Milwaukee Flamingos logo
"Bad Attitudes at High Latitudes"
Team Information
Name Milwaukee Flamingos
Abbreviation MILF
Nickname The Mingos
Primary Color #ff66cc
Logo  MILF.png 
Hometown Milwaukee
Emoji 🍻
Status Married to  TB.png 
Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Integer 94
Divination
Element Water
Power Word Popular
Motto
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos are a Golly team from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. They are a benevolent flock of birds who love gambling, drinking, and smoking cigars. They establish immediate, deep, and lasting friendships with nearly every team they play. In Season 9 of the Hellmouth Cup, the Flamingos fell instantly and deeply in love with their opponents, the TB.png Tucson Butchers , sparking the jealousy of the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews , initiating the Grape Chews' downward spiral, and creating the infamous Midwest Love Triangle. The Flamingos and Butchers went on to marry during Toroidal/Season 17.

Hellmouth Cup

History

Midwest Crown and Rivalry with Detroit Grape Chews

Main: Midwest Crown

The rivalry between the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews and the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos is a long and complicated one. Starting in Season 1 of the Hellmouth Cup, the rivalry was intense and white-hot; it was named as one of the three Crown Jewels of Golly rivalries. On-field fistfights during Grape Chews-Flamingos matches were more intense and resulted in far more injuries than fistfights between the Grape Chews and any other teams.

However, as the Hellmouth Cup progressed, the rivalry became much more one-way, with the Detroit Grape Chews building much of their team identity around the rivalry, but the Milwaukee Flamingos rapidly losing interest in the rivalry. The Flamingos cited a desire to establish their own identity as a benevolent flock of birds, and began to publicly distance themselves from the Grape Chews. (It is a well-known fact that Milwaukee Flamingos players have never gotten into a single fistfight outside of their matches with the Detroit Grape Chews.)

Season 9 Snowbird Series and Anti-Rivalry with Tucson Butchers

In Season 9 the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers faced off in the Hellmouth Cup in a cup series that was nicknamed the "Snowbird Series," for the large number of snowbirds that flock from Milwaukee to Tucson for a warmer winter. Nearly instantaneously, the Flamingos and Butchers developed a hot, messy anti-rivalry that would become a powerful influence on both teams' personalities and history.

Season 10 Valentines Day Series and Continuing Anti-Rivalry with Butchers

After establishing a hot, messy anti-rivalry in Season 9's Hellmouth Cup series, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers had many unresolved storylines and tangled loose ends in their newly budding anti-rivalry. Working feverishly toward that end, both teams spent Season 10 with a singular focus on making it to the Hellmouth Cup. The two teams met in their second cup series on Valentine's Day, forever cementing them as the Lovers of Golly.

Initial configuration for "The Lovers Embrace," which set a record for the longest Golly match in history.
GollyLogoTransparent.png b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee
"The Lovers Embrace" after 5,461 generations. Despite being the obvious losers the Milwaukee Flamingos kept teasing the Tucson Butchers for another 2,000 generations.
GollyLogoTransparent.png b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee

The Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series between the TB.png Tucson Butchers and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos was nicknamed the "Valentine's Day Series" because it took place on Valentine's Day, because the red/pink color scheme, and because during the Season 9 Hellmouth Cup series, which also featured the Butchers vs the Flamingos, the two teams had developed an anti-rivalry and resolved to meet again in the Hellmouth Cup soon.

This Hellmouth Cup series forms the first X (Season 10, or X) of the Triple X.

Game 1 became notable because, in addition to setting a record for longest game, the Butchers and Flamingos spent most of Game 1 making out, causing most viewers to lose interest in the series altogether, and making Season 10 the least-watched postseason series in Golly history.

The Lovers Embrace

The Lovers Embrace is a nickname given to Game 1 of the Hellmouth Cup GollyLogoTransparent.png b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee, when the TB.png Tucson Butchers and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos were reunited after a season apart. The game set a record for the longest Hellmouth Cup series match in history (7,255 generations - see Records/Length/Hellmouth#Longest Postseason Games in Hellmouth Cup).

The game took place on the Underground Cave Complex map. The Tucson Butchers dominated the grid early, which freed them up to spend most of the rest of the match making out with the Milwaukee Flamingos. By the end of the match, most fans had left, and those that remained were booing the umpires; no one could understand why the umpires took so long to declare the match over.

The Flamingos' Flawless Dynasty

With their back-to-back victories in the Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series, the Flamingos established their franchise's first Flawless Dyansty and the second Flawless Dynasty in Golly history.

Effect of Valentines Day Series on Rivalry with Detroit Grape Chews

Main: Midwest Love Triangle

The Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup and the messy, complicated anti-rivalry between the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers is credited by many historians and psychoanalysts with being one of the principal causes that contributed to the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews becoming the Hot League Choke Artists and failing to make it to a final Cup series during their entire history.

The Grape Chews' inability to clinch a Hot League pennant and make it to a single cup game during their entire history was attributed to a combination of overperforming to show off for the Flamingos (which put them in the postseason often) and the tendency to choke in clutch situations, resulting in repeated postseason disappointment for the Grape Chews.

A public statement shortly after the Season 10 Hellmouth Cup by the TB.png Tucson Butchers (in response to a reporter's question about the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews ) said the Grape Chews were artificially-created globs of manufactured flavor, while Butchers and Flamingos were real, visceral flesh and blood. The Big Purple Machine nickname was never given to a Grape Chews team after Season 10, leading many to interpret the statement as marking the symbolic end of the Grape Chews' Big Purple Machine era.

Midwest Love Triangle

While not, strictly speaking, a love triangle, more like a love motorcycle with a sidecar, fans took to calling the collective complicated relationships between the Flamingos, Grape Chews, and Butchers as the Midwest Love Triangle, starting after Season 10 of the Hellmouth Cup.

The Grape Chews became further frustrated from being rejected and ignored by the Flamingos; their performance tanked during the multiple seasons that followed the Season 10 Valentine's Day Series.

On several occasions, the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews made surprise visits to the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos training facilities, only to discover that the TB.png Tucson Butchers were visiting, making things extremely awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. On several occasions, fistfights involving the Grape Chews, Butchers, Flamingos, and/or innocent bystanders took place in the street outside the Flamingos training facility.

The Flamingos eventually broke off all formal relations with the Grape Chews, although the Midwest Crown continued.

Milwaukee in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Posters

Season5 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Season9 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Season10 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Season13 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Toroidal Cup

History

First Multi-Cup Dynasty

The Milwaukee Flamingos established themselves early as a strong Toroidal Cup team. Unlike the SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes , who checked out of most of the Toroidal Cup after deciding their glory days as the greatest team of all time were behind them, the Flamingos established a Flawless Dynasty in the Toroidal Cup with their Toroidal/Season 17 championship.

The Flamingos are the only team to ever to establish a Flawless Dynasty in two Cups (the Hellmouth Cup and the Toroidal Cup).

The Dynasty Detroit Built

Over the course of the Toroidal Cup, the rivalry between the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and DET.png Detroit Grape Chews went from cool to icy. The Flamingos, who had already established a Flawless Dynasty in the Hellmouth Cup, established a second Flawless Dynasty, this one in the Toroidal Cup, in Toroidal/Season 17.

Milwaukee's Toroidal Cup Dynasty has been nicknamed "The Dynasty Detroit Built" as a result of the fact that all three of Milwaukee's Hot League pennant-clinching Championship Series wins were over Detroit. This cemented the Grape Chews' legacy as the Hot League Choke Artists, and gave the Milwaukee Flamingos a permanent moral high ground in the Midwest Crown rivalry.

Grape Chews Blow Their Last Chance

Main: Grape Chews Blow Their Last Chance

In Toroidal/Season 17 the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos met in the Hot League Championship Series, while the TB.png Tucson Butchers faced the Cold League Choke Artists the BTX.png Baltimore Texas in the Cold League Championship Series - a special Double Choke scenario that meant the winner of the Hot League series would surely face the Butchers - the third leg of the Midwest Love Triangle.

Prior to the Hot League Championship Series, the Flamingos made a deal with the Grape Chews. If the Grape Chews could win the Season 17 Hot League Championship Series, and then win the Toroidal Cup series against the Butchers, the Flamingos would agree to resurrect the Midwest Crown rivalry, abandon their romance with the Butchers, and go back to the way things were in the early seasons of the Hellmouth Cup to give things another shot. If the Grape Chews lost the series, or the Toroidal Cup series, the Flamingos and Grape Chews would mutually agree to close the book on the Midwest Crown and retire the rivalry forever.

The Grape Chews agreed. The Grape Chews and Flamingos tied up the series at 2 games apiece. And then, the Grape Chews choked in a critical Game 5.

In Game 5 ToroidalCup.png f69096d2-d073-4be2-8b7f-9f105667cbb4, arguably the most important and defining game of the entire Detroit Grape Chews franchise, the Grape Chews started off weak, and only got weaker, until they were completely overrun by the Flamingos. It was a characteristic choke under maximum pressure.

The Grape Chews would later refer to this game as "The Breakup," including repeated attempts to bring up Game 5 out of nowhere in conversation and refer to it as "The Breakup," but everyone else in the league considered this self-gloss to be poor form, and ignored it.

The Championships the Butchers Gave Away

After the drama of the Grape Chews Blowing Their Last Chance, the drama continued in Toroidal/Season 17, as the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos faced off with their anti-rivals the TB.png Tucson Butchers , and the lovers had a chance to spend some quality time together. The Flamingos eventually beat the Butchers to establish a Flawless Dynasty and the first multi-cup Dynasty in Golly history.

The championship victory drew significant criticism, with parallels being drawn to the Flamingos achieving a Flawless Dynasty with two wins over the Butchers in both the Hellmouth Cup and the Toroidal Cup.

The controversy over the Flamingos winning four of their six championships by beating their anti-rivals raised significant conflict of interest questions and eventually led the Commissioner's Office to open an investigation into the matter, shortly before the Flamingos won their Season 17 Toroidal Cup championship.

Flamingos Dynasty Under Investigation

With the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos winning four of their six championships over their anti-rivals the TB.png Tucson Butchers , the Flamingos faced public scrutiny over their championship wins. The questions of conflict of interest reached such a clamor during Toroidal/Season 17 that the Commissioner's Office announced it would be opening an investigation into the matter.

Shortly after the investigation opened, and with the most awkward timing possible, the Flamingos won the Season 17 Toroidal Cup championship over the Butchers.

Secret Shotgun Marriage

Shortly after winning the Toroidal/Season 17 championship, with the Commissioner's Office bearing down on them with an investigation, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos absconded to Las Vegas with their lovers, the TB.png Tucson Butchers , whom they had just beaten to achieve a second Flawless Dynasty. They claimed that the trip was an attempt to avoid media attention.

However, with the opening of an investigation, the Flamingos faced the possible revocation of two Flawless Dyanasties, incineration, and worse - eternal humiliation. The Flamingos consulted the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations legal team for advice.

The first and most important advice the Flamingos received from the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations legal team was for the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers to immediately get married in a secret surprise Vegas shotgun wedding. Getting married would allow the two teams to claim spousal privilege during the investigation, significantly hindering its progress. However, the marriage was kept secret for fear of confirming everyone's suspicions about the Butchers throwing the championship for their lovers, the Flamingos.

Marriage Goes Public

In Toroidal/Season 19 the Commissioner's Office publicly disclosed the marriage of the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers in an attempt to gain control of the media narrative around the investigation. The result was widespread shock and dismay. Many people discussed whether it was a sign that the Commissioner of Golly was letting the entire splort unravel.

The Flamingos and Butchers seized on the media narrative of a lax Commissioner who was playing fast and loose with the rules, and waged a media war that pressured the Commissioner to shut down the investigation, which had been stymied by spousal privilege, lack of evidence, and a general sentiment that this was a whole lot of effort going into something that wasn't particularly important.

At the end of Toroidal/Season 20, the Commissioner's Office made several important announcements:

and sanctioning their marriage to the TB.png Tucson Butchers

In the wake of Toroidal/Season 20, historians and experts widely agree that the media war waged by the Flamingos, and their secret shotgun wedding legal strategy, was brilliantly executed and marked a significant erosion of the power of the Commissioner.

Milwaukee in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season

Chart

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Posters=

ToroidalSeason2 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason10 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason17 Poster.png

Rainbow Cup

History

Triple X

The Triple X is a set of three championship matches between the TB.png Tucson Butchers and the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos (who were married in the Toroidal Cup after their involvement in the Midwest Love Triangle) that took place on Season 10 (or 11) of each of three respective cups (Hellmouth, Toroidal, Rainbow). They are:

These three championship series form the Triple X.

The Triple X was formed at the conclusion of Rainbow/Season 11. The Butchers and Flamingos planned an elaborate ceremony for the announcement and sent invitation emails to everyone, but the Triple X in the subject line caused all of the emails to be flagged as Spam and discarded, so no one showed up.

Gambler's Vindication

After several seasons of the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos riding the dopamine of their marriage to the TB.png Tucson Butchers , including an unserious performance getting knocked out of the Rainbow/Season 6 Unwest Championship Series, they were finally ready to be serious postseason contenders in the Rainbow/Season 9 postseason.

Embracing their love of high-stakes with some reckless dice-rolling, they blazed straight through the Unwest Championship Series, clinching the pennant in a series of wild, improbable, and high-risk maneuvers that walked a chaotic knife's edge. Commentators were stunned by the all-in strategies and reckless tactics that seemed geared to unleash chaos, only to deliver a victory formation for the Flamingos by the final generation, game after game.

The high-risk all-in gambles continued into the Rainbow Cup series, and continued the Mingos' unnatural success. They trounced the SS.png Seattle Sneakers (the only team that came close to catching up) (the SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence and AA.png Alewife Arsonists left in the dust) - by Game 7, it was a no-doubter for the Mingos. They clinched the Season 9 Rainbow Cup with 71🌈.

Many fans of the Sneakers, Turbulence, and Arsonists expected the Flamingos to collapse at any moment, particularly critical moments, given the extreme gambles the Flamginos were taking, but the other shoe never dropped. The Flamingos themselves were surprised at their luck, continuing to let it ride and continuing to win.

The Rainbow/Season 9 Rainbow Cup series win made the Flamingos the patron saint of gamblers everywhere.

Knife Fight in a Phone Booth

In Rainbow/Season 19, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos reached the postseason, entering the Unwest Championship Series with one eye on the West Championship Series (which their Valentines Day Series lovers, the TB.png Tucson Butchers , were dominating). The Flamingos became increasingly desperate for a spot in the Rainbow Cup, quickly falling behind the SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers and ending up in a Knife Fight in a Phone Booth with the AA.png Alewife Arsonists for second place and a spot in the Rainbow Cup.

In a desperate Game 7 gamble, the Flamingos attempted a formation from their "in case of emergency only" playbook - a formation so hare-brained, no one thought it would ever work, but also so hare-brained, no one had ever seen anything like it before. The Mingos formation performed a confused "patootie pootie" spiral around the Arsonists, seemed to stall, but then began to bloom into a beautiful explosion of pink, giving the Mingos a 1🌈 margin over the Arsonists, and a ticket to the Rainbow Cup, in the final Unwest Championship Series tally.

Second Valentines Day Series

The Second Valentine's Day Series was the Season 19 Rainbow Cup Series, the second Cup Series to take place on or around Valentine's Day, and the second time that the TB.png Tucson Butchers and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos had met in a Cup Series on or around Valentine's Day. (The Butchers and Flamingos had originally met in Season 9 of the Hellmouth Cup series, the (first) Valentines Day Series, where they immediately fell in love, creating the Midwest Love Triangle.)

Despite a mediocre fourth-place showing in the Rainbow Cup series, and a second-place finish for the Butchers, the real win for both teams was a second Valentine's Day Series with their lover.

Shells Outleverage Mingos

In Rainbow/Season 21, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos wrapped up the regular season with a minor humiliation: being beat out by the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews at the last minute for the division title. Entering the postseason as the #3 seed, right behind the #2 seeded Grape Chews, the Flamingos decided the Chews were losers anyway, so why not let it all loose? The Mingos spread their wings, and deployed a reckless, all-in strategy.

Unbeknownst to the Flamingos, the DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells had managed to sneak a Rule 1074-B form under the door of the Golly Front Office at 4:59 PM the day before the series began, which was subsequently processed and implemented a rule change for the Series enabling the Shells to leverage 2X the performance of the best-performing team. This gave the Shells a glide path to a pennant.

The Mingos, despite being out-leveraged by the Shells, still managed to grab a Rainbow Cup spot by absolutely trouncing Detroit, in a show of spite.

Salty Dawg Alliance

The Rainbow/Season 21 Rainbow Cup series, far from being a bitter brawl for the top like prior Rainbow Cup series, ended up being an unexpected but very tasteful backyard party hosted by the SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence . Each game began with a Salty Dawg (an unidentifiable bright green beverage with a salted rim), a ritual that Milwaukee, natural beer-drinkers, initially found confusing and difficult, but by Game 7 had come to enjoy immensely. The matches took place in a hot tub with extra smooth jets  SLC.png , and despite coming in last place, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos enjoyed the bubblies made by the jets, and made new friends for life.

The outcome of this very friendly backyard series was the creation of an alliance-for-life, the Salty Dawg Alliance, consisting of:

(The DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells were not included in the alliance due to a reluctance to sign the paperwork, on the advice of counsel.)

Victory Cigars

In Rainbow/Season 24, having clinched the second-place Rainbow Cup series spot (excellent luck, given that it was the final Rainbow Cup season), the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos were ready to step out to the parking lot of the hotel where they were staying for the Rainbow Cup series, and puff on some traditional victory cigars while guzzling mediocre Milwaukee beers from a lukewarm cooler in the trunk.

But the SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes , who were staying at the same hotel, complained loudly to management about the smoking, alcohol consumption, and commotion happening in the parking lot. Multiple calls to management and rounds of shouting out the window at the Mingos was all to no avail - the Mingos partied deep into the night and early morning, enjoying cigars and beer up until Game 1 of the Rainbow Cup series began.

California Spectating

Thanks to being kept up all night by the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos , the sleepless SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes took out their ire, not on the Mingos, but on the SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers , their bitter Cali Crown rivals. The marquee Cali Crown matchup was the real story of the Season 24 Rainbow Cup, and the Mingos were all too happy to take a backseat and watch the fireworks. By the time the series was over, the highly Boat Shoes-Boot Lickers matchup had not disappointed, and the Boat Shoes managed to best the Boot Lickers, with MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and MW.png Mobile Wheels third and fourth place to the wild ride of the Cali Crown.

Milwaukee in the Rainbow Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Klein Cup

History

This Year Is Different

In Klein/Season 1 the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos faced off in yet another closely-matched, much-anticipated Midwest Crown matchup in the Hot League Championship Series. The Grape Chews, coming off of repeated pennant losses in the Hellmouth Cup (24 series with no pennant), Toroidal Cup (24 series with no pennant), and Rainbow Cup (24 series with no pennant), were ready for a change of pace. They were hungry for a pennant, and the only thing standing between them and their goal was an old rival, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos .

Convinced it was "their year," the Grape Chews had custom t-shirts made that read "This Year Is Different" and distributed the t-shirts widely before the Klein/Season 1 Hot League Championship Series. Convinced it really would be different, thousands of Grape Chews fans turned out for the matches.

Initially, it seemed fate was with the Grape Chews. In Game 6 (KleinCup.png 96bc14a5-21eb-4ff1-bbd9-825d711debad), facing elimination, the Grape Chews battled for an excruciating 10,168 generations to come back from the dead and tie the series up, 3-3. Grape Chews fans everywhere found themselves gravely in debt to various cosmic entities. Then, in a Game 7 that was criminally short, the Flamingos quickly dispatched the Grape Chews 254-168, sealing the victory and hammering yet another nail in the coffin of Detroit's hopes of ever appearing in a Cup series.

Season 1 Hot League Championship Series Results Table
MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

vs. DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

  Winner W Score Margin L Score Loser Generations Link
Game 1 Milwaukee Flamingos 381 86.88% 50 Detroit Grape Chews 2,056 KleinCup.png 4edd806a-9f4a-426d-8059-5bfaf8240ea1
Game 2 Milwaukee Flamingos 404 42.33% 233 Detroit Grape Chews 3,052 KleinCup.png f2686cde-df94-4c2f-8bdf-c23e2b594fca
Game 3 Detroit Grape Chews 339 25.07% 254 Milwaukee Flamingos 4,098 KleinCup.png 867df09a-c7d9-4a1f-888e-40019cb69071
Game 4 Milwaukee Flamingos 577 82.32% 102 Detroit Grape Chews 4,195 KleinCup.png fdace465-bf29-424c-b89a-75ef64add1f8
Game 5 Detroit Grape Chews 298 33.89% 197 Milwaukee Flamingos 2,902 KleinCup.png 81f45278-4a91-4fad-b0a0-2ff425dcdf20
Game 6 Detroit Grape Chews 437 70.25% 130 Milwaukee Flamingos 10,168 KleinCup.png 96bc14a5-21eb-4ff1-bbd9-825d711debad
Game 7 Milwaukee Flamingos 254 33.86% 168 Detroit Grape Chews 1,769 KleinCup.png 3aec2606-a1af-4386-9a8f-b54f3b6f86db

Butchers Ignore the Safeword

Klein/Season 1 began with what many thought was domestic drama but ended up being a simple misunderstanding. The MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos , battling their way through the Hot League, and the TB.png Tucson Butchers , mowing through Cold League opposition, finally reached the Klein Cup series in a spousal matchup. But things quickly got ugly. The Flamingos' grueling 7-game victory over the perpetually jealous DET.png Detroit Grape Chews just looked like an appetizer to the real Milwaukee-Tucson fireworks. Things got heated, to the point of making everyone else in the league uncomfortable, with the Butchers living up to their ferocious, unyielding reputation. In a humiliating 4-1 series loss, the Butchers dismembered the Flamingos in a shocking and unexpected conclusion to what everyone anticipated would be a long and sensuous 7-game series. Gamblers everywhere, betting on riding all 7 games to a Milwaukee victory, were stunnned.

While there were rumors of a "cosmic rough patch" between the Butchers and Flamingos, further follow-up investigation revealed that the Butchers had simply forgotten the safe word that they had agreed upon with the Flamingos in advance, leading to the Butchers' messy, premature victory at the Flamingos' expense. This confirmed that the integrity of the Midwest Love Triangle had remained intact.

High Desert High Life Crown

Preceding Klein/Season 6, the ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks were in Milwaukee for a joint Golly training camp focused on sustainable competitive practices. The MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos , being their usual hospitable selves, invited the entire Albuquerque squad to experience "authentic Wisconsin culture" - which of course meant a brewery tour, which of course spiraled into a three-day festival crawl.

The Solarpunks, normally powered by kombucha and optimization algorithms, found themselves stumbling through beer gardens at 2 AM, trying to explain permaculture principles to increasingly drunk Flamingo fans. Meanwhile, Flamingo players were genuinely fascinated by solar panel efficiency ratings and kept buying rounds "for the planet." The bender culminated when both teams collaborated on a massive Game of Life pattern spelled out in empty beer cans across an entire city block, which somehow achieved stable oscillation and is now a protected civic landmark.

While they didn't know it then, their pre-season bender and fast friendship would come full circle in the Season 6 Klein Cup series, where the two teams would meet. Every match of that Klein Cup series was philosophical warfare: Flamingo fans showed up with foam fingers and cowbells, cheering for patterns that burned bright and died spectacularly. Solarpunk supporters brought reusable signs made from recycled materials, hand-cranked spotlights to distract the opposing team, and scorecards where they could calculate the carbon footprint of each computational cycle.

The two teams' patterns intertwined in a collaborative display, but ended in an amicable-for-everyone 4-1 series victory for Milwaukee. The Flamingos didn't just win the Klein Cup, they won a host of new friends, proving again the power of benevolence.

The anti-rivalry between the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks , officially declared the High Desert High Life Crown, made its debut in this season.

The Freshly Laid Trap

In Klein/Season 11, having finally bested the SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes to win a pennant, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos entered the Klein Cup series agains the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls radiating confidence the way a Phoenix sidewalk radiates heat after midnight.

The Mingos adopted their usual strategy of chaotic good - unpredictable charm that would overwhelm the Freshrolls like a bath in bubbly water. But they miscalculated - badly. The Freshrolls, a team known for meticulously-layered, deceptively simple patterns, laid one of their most finely-crafted traps, over and over, luring the Flamingos into flamboyant formations, drawing them deeper into risky gambles, only to snap the trap shut on the single leg their strategy stood on.

The Freshrolls defeated the Flamingos in a 4-1 series rout with suffocating efficiency, a tactical masterpiece by Phoenix that left Milwaukee looking foolish and outmaneuvered: a flock of birds led into a cleverly disguised net.

The Grapes of Wrath

Smarting from their Season 11 Klein Cup humiliation at the hands of the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls , the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos powered their way back to a postseason spot, entering the Klein/Season 12 postseason with a cold fury.

Beginning with the Hot League Division Series against the SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes , the Flamingos got punched hard in the face, losing 713-5 in Game 1. But from that point forward, the Flamingos would be unstoppable. They crushed the Boat Shoes in 3 straight games, then proceeded (in a stroke of almost unbelievable luck) to face off against their bitter, unloved Midwest Love Triangle third, the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews , in the Hot League Championship Series.

The Championship Series, which would come to be known as the Grapes of Wrath, was a far cry from the Klein/Season 1 Chews-Mingos postseason matchup, where the Grape Chews had kept up hopes, grinding their way to a Game 7 showdown, and looking like they actually stood a chance.

This Grapes of Wrath Championship Series was different. The Mingos puffed their cigars intently, utilized hands-free beer helmets to increase their focus, and exhibited a cold fury colder than Minnesota Wisconsin in February.

The Grape Chews were swept in 4 straight games, iced out of the pennant hard by the Flamingos, in an act of pure, cathartic vengeance for decades of annoyance. The 4-0 sweep was a statement that the rivalry was, and always had been, a one-sided affair.

Season 12 Hot League Championship Series Results Table
MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

vs. DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

  Winner W Score Margin L Score Loser Generations Link
Game 1 Milwaukee Flamingos 225 69.78% 68 Detroit Grape Chews 1,417 KleinCup.png 82bd3e07-b996-4157-94c4-8fffb22b2a74
Game 2 Milwaukee Flamingos 222 72.07% 62 Detroit Grape Chews 1,975 KleinCup.png 6e89f605-b70c-42ec-8a48-8dbb5daeabbd
Game 3 Milwaukee Flamingos 393 62.85% 146 Detroit Grape Chews 2,829 KleinCup.png eb520e50-2ad6-4c4c-b0b9-e0f2118cd8fc
Game 4 Milwaukee Flamingos 407 83.54% 67 Detroit Grape Chews 4,302 KleinCup.png da04ed2f-7c2d-456a-912e-c093854ac2d5

(By a stroke of fate, Klein/Season 12 also happened to be a Double Choke, with both the Choke Artist BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners and the Choke Artist DET.png Detroit Grape Chews reaching the Championship series, only to be promptly denied a pennant.)

The Double Choke beat-down was so momentous, so historic, has been dubbed the Grapes of Wrath LCS.

Salty Dawg Betrayal

The Mingos carried that momentum into the Season 12 Klein Cup, and in a flawless display of their discipline and power, they ate the SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence alive. In a reversal of their Season 1 Klein Cup fortunes, where they had lost badly to the Butchers because the Butchers forgotten the safeword and dismembered them wholesale, this time around it was the Mingos that seemed to be in a zombie trance, dismembering their Salty Dawg Alliance friends, the Turbulence, in a show of vulgar dominance.

This wasn't the fun-loving, cigar-smoking, beer-guzzling Flamingos; this was a team reminding the league that beneath the cigars and beer was a competitive core that, when unleashed, was unstoppable.

Season 12 - Klein Cup Results Table
MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

vs. SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

  Winner W Score Margin L Score Loser Generations Link
Game 1 Milwaukee Flamingos 295 43.05% 168 Salt Lake Turbulence 2,604 KleinCup.png bc672c4c-6b45-4d09-aac8-247617c8e0d8
Game 2 Milwaukee Flamingos 212 53.30% 99 Salt Lake Turbulence 1,244 KleinCup.png 77510f26-3a72-44ee-b654-394c0586bab5
Game 3 Milwaukee Flamingos 426 69.01% 132 Salt Lake Turbulence 3,461 KleinCup.png 06ed19c0-2b84-4d7b-8a7c-70dc303b301f
Game 4 Milwaukee Flamingos 250 60.40% 99 Salt Lake Turbulence 2,233 KleinCup.png 42c78fd7-4627-4873-a989-611ccae9fe12

Unlucky Thirteen, Purple Gang

Klein/Season 13 saw the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos get bundled up like garbage, tossed in the back of a pickup, and driven out to Brush Street near Willis Avenue in the "Little Jerusalem" neighborhood, where they were stashed in a "Grape Processing Facility". In a significant escalation of stakes, the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews declared themselves the Purple Gang, the modern Klein Cup reincarnation of the Hellmouth Cup Big Purple Machine, and demanded fealty and tribute from the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos .

The Flamingos, happy to escape with their lives, were quickly swept, and spent the Klein/Season 13 offseason formulating strategies to circumvent the Purple Gang.

Milwaukee in the Klein Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Hellmouth II Cup

History

Milwaukee in the Hellmouth II Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Hellmouth III Cup

History

Milwaukee in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Hellmouth IV Cup

History

Milwaukee in the Hellmouth IV Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Hellmouth V Cup

History

Milwaukee in the Hellmouth V Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Art

Milwaukee Flamingos team logo:

MilwaukeeFlamingos Logo.png

Navboxes

Hellmouth V League Teams

Hellmouth IV Cup logo

Hellmouth V Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox hellmouth v teams   •   edit
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