Milwaukee Flamingos

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Milwaukee Flamingos
Milwaukee Flamingos logo
"Bad Attitudes at High Latitudes"
Team Information
Name Milwaukee Flamingos
Primary Color #ff66cc
Logo  MILF.png 
Abbreviation MILF
Nickname The Mingos
Hometown Milwaukee
Emoji 🍻
Status Married to  TB.png 
Rivalry Crowns
Preferences
Integer 94
Divination
Element Water
Power Word Popular
Motto
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos are a Golly team from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. They are a benevolent flock of birds who love gambling, drinking, and smoking cigars. They establish immediate, deep, and lasting friendships with nearly every team they play. In Season 9 of the Hellmouth Cup, the Flamingos fell instantly and deeply in love with their opponents, the TB.png Tucson Butchers , sparking the jealousy of the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews , initiating the Grape Chews' downward spiral, and creating the infamous Midwest Love Triangle. The Flamingos and Butchers went on to marry during Toroidal/Season 17.

The Flamingos were the first team to establish a Dynasty in multiple cups (the Hellmouth Cup and the Toroidal Cup).

Team Character

The Milwaukee Flamingos are legendary throughout the league for their benevolence and splortsmanship. Milwaukee Flamingos are known to be fun, chill, and universally likeable.

Perhaps the most important characteristic of the Flamingos, though, is their love of gambling. When traveling for away games, the Flamingos will book their own hotel and turn the entire hotel into a gigantic multi-room casino. The Milwaukee Flamingos have enough players that they have developed their own economy, interest rates, and loans, so that every player can gamble all of the time.

Flamingos players are also experts in parliamentary rules, and every team function is run according to Robert's Rules of Order. The team had 1,562 parliamentarians in the last team census.

Flamingos in the Hellmouth Cup

Midwest Crown and Rivalry with Detroit Grape Chews

Main: Midwest Crown

The rivalry between the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews and the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos is a long and complicated one. Starting in Season 1 of the Hellmouth Cup, the rivalry was intense and white-hot; it was named as one of the three Crown Jewels of Golly rivalries. On-field fistfights during Grape Chews-Flamingos matches were more intense and resulted in far more injuries than fistfights between the Grape Chews and any other teams.

However, as the Hellmouth Cup progressed, the rivalry became much more one-way, with the Detroit Grape Chews building much of their team identity around the rivalry, but the Milwaukee Flamingos rapidly losing interest in the rivalry. The Flamingos cited a desire to establish their own identity as a benevolent flock of birds, and began to publicly distance themselves from the Grape Chews. (It is a well-known fact that Milwaukee Flamingos players have never gotten into a single fistfight outside of their matches with the Detroit Grape Chews.)

Season 9 Snowbird Series and Anti-Rivalry with Tucson Butchers

In Season 9 the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers faced off in the Hellmouth Cup in a cup series that was nicknamed the "Snowbird Series," for the large number of snowbirds that flock from Milwaukee to Tucson for a warmer winter. Nearly instantaneously, the Flamingos and Butchers developed a hot, messy anti-rivalry that would become a powerful influence on both teams' personalities and history.

Season 10 Valentines Day Series and Continuing Anti-Rivalry with Butchers

After establishing a hot, messy anti-rivalry in Season 9's Hellmouth Cup series, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers had many unresolved storylines and tangled loose ends in their newly budding anti-rivalry. Working feverishly toward that end, both teams spent Season 10 with a singular focus on making it to the Hellmouth Cup. The two teams met in their second cup series on Valentine's Day, forever cementing them as the Lovers of Golly.

Initial configuration for "The Lovers Embrace," which set a record for the longest Golly match in history.
GollyLogoTransparent.png b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee
"The Lovers Embrace" after 5,461 generations. Despite being the obvious losers the Milwaukee Flamingos kept teasing the Tucson Butchers for another 2,000 generations.
GollyLogoTransparent.png b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee

The Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series between the TB.png Tucson Butchers and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos was nicknamed the "Valentine's Day Series" because it took place on Valentine's Day, because the red/pink color scheme, and because during the Season 9 Hellmouth Cup series, which also featured the Butchers vs the Flamingos, the two teams had developed an anti-rivalry and resolved to meet again in the Hellmouth Cup soon.

This Hellmouth Cup series forms the first X (Season 10, or X) of the Triple X.

Game 1 became notable because, in addition to setting a record for longest game, the Butchers and Flamingos spent most of Game 1 making out, causing most viewers to lose interest in the series altogether, and making Season 10 the least-watched postseason series in Golly history.

The Lovers Embrace

The Lovers Embrace is a nickname given to Game 1 of the Hellmouth Cup GollyLogoTransparent.png b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee, when the TB.png Tucson Butchers and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos were reunited after a season apart. The game set a record for the longest Hellmouth Cup series match in history (7,255 generations - see Records/Length/Hellmouth#Longest Postseason Games in Hellmouth Cup).

The game took place on the Underground Cave Complex map. The Tucson Butchers dominated the grid early, which freed them up to spend most of the rest of the match making out with the Milwaukee Flamingos. By the end of the match, most fans had left, and those that remained were booing the umpires; no one could understand why the umpires took so long to declare the match over.

The Flamingos' Flawless Dynasty

With their back-to-back victories in the Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series, the Flamingos established their franchise's first Flawless Dyansty and the second Flawless Dynasty in Golly history.

Effect of Valentines Day Series on Rivalry with Detroit Grape Chews

Main: Midwest Love Triangle

The Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup and the messy, complicated anti-rivalry between the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers is credited by many historians and psychoanalysts with being one of the principal causes that contributed to the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews becoming the Hot League Choke Artists and failing to make it to a final Cup series during their entire history.

The Grape Chews' inability to clinch a Hot League pennant and make it to a single cup game during their entire history was attributed to a combination of overperforming to show off for the Flamingos (which put them in the postseason often) and the tendency to choke in clutch situations, resulting in repeated postseason disappointment for the Grape Chews.

A public statement shortly after the Season 10 Hellmouth Cup by the TB.png Tucson Butchers (in response to a reporter's question about the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews ) said the Grape Chews were artificially-created globs of manufactured flavor, while Butchers and Flamingos were real, visceral flesh and blood. The Big Purple Machine nickname was never given to a Grape Chews team after Season 10, leading many to interpret the statement as marking the symbolic end of the Grape Chews' Big Purple Machine era.

Midwest Love Triangle

While not, strictly speaking, a love triangle, more like a love motorcycle with a sidecar, fans took to calling the collective complicated relationships between the Flamingos, Grape Chews, and Butchers as the Midwest Love Triangle, starting after Season 10 of the Hellmouth Cup.

The Grape Chews became further frustrated from being rejected and ignored by the Flamingos; their performance tanked during the multiple seasons that followed the Season 10 Valentine's Day Series.

On several occasions, the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews made surprise visits to the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos training facilities, only to discover that the TB.png Tucson Butchers were visiting, making things extremely awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. On several occasions, fistfights involving the Grape Chews, Butchers, Flamingos, and/or innocent bystanders took place in the street outside the Flamingos training facility.

The Flamingos eventually broke off all formal relations with the Grape Chews, although the Midwest Crown continued.

Flamingos in the Toroidal Cup

First Multi-Cup Dynasty

The Milwaukee Flamingos established themselves early as a strong Toroidal Cup team. Unlike the SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes , who checked out of most of the Toroidal Cup after deciding their glory days as the greatest team of all time were behind them, the Flamingos established a Flawless Dynasty in the Toroidal Cup with their Toroidal/Season 17 championship.

The Flamingos are the only team to ever to establish a Flawless Dynasty in two Cups (the Hellmouth Cup and the Toroidal Cup).

The Dynasty Detroit Built

Over the course of the Toroidal Cup, the rivalry between the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and DET.png Detroit Grape Chews went from cool to icy. The Flamingos, who had already established a Flawless Dynasty in the Hellmouth Cup, established a second Flawless Dynasty, this one in the Toroidal Cup, in Toroidal/Season 17.

Milwaukee's Toroidal Cup Dynasty has been nicknamed "The Dynasty Detroit Built" as a result of the fact that all three of Milwaukee's Hot League pennant-clinching Championship Series wins were over Detroit. This cemented the Grape Chews' legacy as the Hot League Choke Artists, and gave the Milwaukee Flamingos a permanent moral high ground in the Midwest Crown rivalry.

Grape Chews Blow Their Last Chance

Main: Grape Chews Blow Their Last Chance

In Toroidal/Season 17 the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos met in the Hot League Championship Series, while the TB.png Tucson Butchers faced the Cold League Choke Artists the BTX.png Baltimore Texas in the Cold League Championship Series, meaning the winner of the Hot League series would definitely face the Butchers - the third leg of the Midwest Love Triangle.

Prior to the Hot League Championship Series, the Flamingos made a deal with the Grape Chews. If the Grape Chews could win the Season 17 Hot League Championship Series, and then win the Toroidal Cup series against the Butchers, the Flamingos would agree to resurrect the Midwest Crown rivalry, abandon their romance with the Butchers, and go back to the way things were in the early seasons of the Hellmouth Cup to give things another shot. If the Grape Chews lost the series, or the Toroidal Cup series, the Flamingos and Grape Chews would mutually agree to close the book on the Midwest Crown and retire the rivalry forever.

The Grape Chews agreed. The Grape Chews and Flamingos tied up the series at 2 games apiece. And then, the Grape Chews choked in a critical Game 5.

In Game 5 ToroidalCup.png f69096d2-d073-4be2-8b7f-9f105667cbb4, arguably the most important and defining game of the entire Detroit Grape Chews franchise, the Grape Chews started off weak, and only got weaker, until they were completely overrun by the Flamingos. It was a characteristic choke under maximum pressure.

The Grape Chews would later repeatedly refer to this game as "The Breakup," including several attempts to bring up Game 5 out of nowhere when talking to the Flamingos and then casually dropping "The Breakup" nickname, but the Flamingos ignored the nickname, and the rest of the league followed suit and also ignored it.

The Championships the Butchers Gave Away

After the drama of the Grape Chews Blowing Their Last Chance, the drama continued in Toroidal/Season 17, as the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos faced off with their anti-rivals the TB.png Tucson Butchers , and the lovers had a chance to spend some quality time together. The Flamingos eventually beat the Butchers to establish a Flawless Dynasty and the first multi-cup Dynasty in Golly history.

The championship victory drew significant criticism, with parallels being drawn to the Flamingos achieving a Flawless Dynasty with two wins over the Butchers in both the Hellmouth Cup and the Toroidal Cup.

The controversy over the Flamingos winning four of their six championships by beating their anti-rivals raised significant conflict of interest questions and eventually led the Commissioner's Office to open an investigation into the matter, shortly before the Flamingos won their Season 17 Toroidal Cup championship.

Flamingos Dynasty Under Investigation

With the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos winning four of their six championships over their anti-rivals the TB.png Tucson Butchers , the Flamingos faced public scrutiny over their championship wins. The questions of conflict of interest reached such a clamor during Toroidal/Season 17 that the Commissioner's Office announced it would be opening an investigation into the matter.

Shortly after the investigation opened, and with the most awkward timing possible, the Flamingos won the Season 17 Toroidal Cup championship over the Butchers.

Secret Shotgun Marriage

Shortly after winning the Toroidal/Season 17 championship, with the Commissioner's Office bearing down on them with an investigation, the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos absconded to Las Vegas with their lovers, the TB.png Tucson Butchers , whom they had just beaten to achieve a second Flawless Dynasty. They claimed that the trip was an attempt to avoid media attention.

However, with the opening of an investigation, the Flamingos faced the possible revocation of two Flawless Dyanasties, incineration, and worse - eternal humiliation. The Flamingos consulted the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations legal team for advice.

The first and most important advice the Flamingos received from the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations legal team was for the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers to immediately get married in a secret surprise Vegas shotgun wedding. Getting married would allow the two teams to claim spousal privilege during the investigation, significantly hindering its progress. However, the marriage was kept secret for fear of confirming everyone's suspicions about the Butchers throwing the championship for their lovers, the Flamingos.

Marriage Goes Public

In Toroidal/Season 19 the Commissioner's Office publicly disclosed the marriage of the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos and TB.png Tucson Butchers in an attempt to gain control of the media narrative around the investigation. The result was widespread shock and dismay. Many people discussed whether it was a sign that the Commissioner of Golly was letting the entire splort unravel.

The Flamingos and Butchers seized on the media narrative of a lax Commissioner who was playing fast and loose with the rules, and waged a media war that pressured the Commissioner to shut down the investigation, which had been stymied by spousal privilege, lack of evidence, and a general sentiment that this was a whole lot of effort going into something that wasn't particularly important.

At the end of Toroidal/Season 20, the Commissioner's Office made several important announcements:

and sanctioning their marriage to the TB.png Tucson Butchers

In the wake of Toroidal/Season 20, historians and experts widely agree that the media war waged by the Flamingos, and their secret shotgun wedding legal strategy, was brilliantly executed and marked a significant erosion of the power of the Commissioner.

Flamingos in the Rainbow Cup

Triple X

The Triple X is a set of three championship matches between the TB.png Tucson Butchers and the MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos (who were married in the Toroidal Cup after their involvement in the Midwest Love Triangle) that took place on Season 10 (or 11) of each of three respective cups (Hellmouth, Toroidal, Rainbow). They are:

These three championship series form the Triple X.

The Triple X was formed at the conclusion of Rainbow/Season 11. The Butchers and Flamingos planned an elaborate ceremony for the announcement and sent invitation emails to everyone, but the Triple X in the subject line caused all of the emails to be flagged as Spam and discarded, so no one showed up.

Second Valentines Day Series

The Second Valentine's Day Series was the second Cup Series to take place on or around Valentine's Day, and the second time that the TB.png Tucson Butchers and MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos had met in a Cup Series on or around Valentine's Day.

The Butchers and Flamingos originally met in Season 9 of the Hellmouth Cup series, the (first) Valentines Day Series, whereupon they immediately fell deeply in love, creating the Midwest Love Triangle.

The Butchers and Flamingos met again in Rainbow/Season 19, the nearest Rainbow Cup series to Valentine's Day.


Season by Season Summary

Season-by-Season Summaries for MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos .

Milwaukee Flamingos in the Hellmouth Cup

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Milwaukee Flamingos in the Toroidal Cup

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Milwaukee Flamingos in the Rainbow Cup

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Milwaukee Flamingos in the Klein Cup

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Milwaukee Flamingos in the Hellmouth II Cup

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Milwaukee Flamingos in the Hellmouth III Cup

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph MILF.png

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron MILF}}


Art

Milwaukee Flamingos team logo:

MilwaukeeFlamingos Logo.png

Cup Posters

Season5 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Season9 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Season10 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Season13 HellmouthCup Poster.png

ToroidalSeason2 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason10 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason17 Poster.png

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