Cancel Texas Memo
The Cancel Texas Memo is an infamous memo from the Commissioner's Office from the end of Toroidal/Season 20 whose primary purpose was to announce the cancellation of Texas for the upcoming Rainbow Cup. This led to a last-minute scramble to reorganize the league before the inaugural season of the long-anticipated Rainbow Cup.
Details
The cancellation of Texas affected the 
Baltimore Texas
and 
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
as follows:
- The
Baltimore Texas
, Cold League Choke Artists who had never won a championship in 44+ seasons of play, were to be incinerated at the end of Season 20.
- The
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
, bitter rivals of the Baltimore Texas, were punished with taking on the team colors and hometown of their hated Texas Crown rivals. They would become the 
Baltimore Piano Tuners
in the Rainbow Cup.
In addition, the removal of the Baltimore Texas
and replacement with the 
Baltimore Piano Tuners
would open a spot for a new team. The Cancel Texas Memo announced that a new team, the 
Louisville Illusionists
, would be joining the league in the Cold Water Division to replace the now-humiliated Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
.
Speculation About Cause
There are many speculations about the cause of the Cancel Texas memo, but most of them boil down to the fact that most people outside of Texas agree that Texas is batshit crazy, including the Commissioner.
Baltimore Texas Contributing Causes
Most fans and players agreed the Baltimore Texas
were so awful at performing in clutch situations that they honestly deserved to be incinerated.
The Baltimore Texas
could not be reached for comment, as they are incinerated.
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners Contributing Causes
It is widely recognized that the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
got a much worse deal than the Baltimore Texas
. While it was initially unclear why the Commissioner did not simply incinerate both teams, interviews and historical records indicate that the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
had a long history of cheating:
- The Tuners sneaked through to the postseason on technicalities on several occasions
- The Tuners were on the beneficial end of several blown calls by grid umpires
- The Tuners were known for their relentless competitiveness, and for being willing to poke the rest of the league in the eye if it would get them a championship
- During the Toroidal/Season 16 postseason, news broke of a hacking scandal involving the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
procuring backdoored random number generators to Golly's E Division; the scandal rocked the splort and led to calls for the Commissioner to take action
Many, understandably, were eager to see the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
suffer a fate worse than death: having to take on the home city and colors of your most hated rival.
Criticism
There has been no criticism of the Cancel Texas memo to date.
