Midwest Love Triangle

The Midwest Love Triangle is the nickname given to the complicated rivalries and anti-rivalries that connect the Milwaukee Flamingos , Detroit Grape Chews , Tucson Butchers , and Fargo Flea Flickers .

Hellmouth Cup

Midwest Crown

Starting in Season 1 of the Hellmouth Cup the Milwaukee Flamingos and Detroit Grape Chews had an intense rivalry - the Midwest Crown. However, over time the Flamingos lost interest in the rivalry, frustrating the Grape Chews.

Snowbird Series and Valentines Day Series

In Season 9 and Season 10 of the Hellmouth Cup the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers faced off in a back-to-back repeat Hellmouth Cup series, with the Flamingos taking both series. Nearly instantaneously the Flamingos and Butchers developed a hot, messy anti-rivalry, including the longest postseason game ever played (The Lovers' Embrace). When the Flamingos won the Valentine's Day Series, they established their first Flawless Dynasty.

Midwest Love Triangle

While not, strictly speaking, a love triangle, more like a love motorcycle with a sidecar, fans took to calling the collective complicated relationships between the Flamingos, Grape Chews, and Butchers as the Midwest Love Triangle starting in Season 10.

The Grape Chews became further frustrated, with their performance nosediving in seasons following the Valentine's Day Series.

On several occasions, the Detroit Grape Chews made surprise visits to the Milwaukee Flamingos training facilities, only to discover that the Tucson Butchers were visiting, and incidents occurred involving fistfights between the Grape Chews, Butchers, and Flamingos, as well as random bystanders.

The Flamingos eventually broke off formal relations with the Grape Chews, although the Midwest Crown continued.

The Butchers publicly declared they had no interest in pursuing the third leg of a love triangle with the Grape Chews, who lacked flesh and blood.

Detroit Choke Artist and Psychoanalysis

The Detroit Grape Chews ended the Hellmouth Cup without a single appearance in the Hellmouth Cup Series, leading to them being nicknamed the Hot League Choke Artists.

The Grape Chews' inability to clinch a Hot League pennant and make it to a single cup game, over the course of two cups, 48 seasons in total, was interpreted by psychoanalysts as a manifestation of the the insecurities the Grape Chews felt as a result of their attempts to further develop their rivalry with the Milwaukee Flamingos being rebuffed. Furthermore, the psychoanalysts claimed, the public statement by the Butchers about the Grape Chews' lack of flesh and blood created an uncrossable line between (whatever Grape Chews were made out of? who knows) and things with flesh and blood, like Flamings and Butchers.

Toroidal Cup

The Dynasty Detroit Built

In the Toroidal Cup the rivalry between the Milwaukee Flamingos and Detroit Grape Chews went from cool to icy. The Flamingos, who had already established a dynasty in the Hellmouth Cup, established a second Dynasty in the Toroidal Cup, clinching all three pennant wins against the Grape Chews and continuing the Grape Chews' legacy as the Hot League Choke Artists.

Milwaukee's Toroidal Cup Dynasty has been nicknamed "The Dynasty Detroit Built" as a result of the fact that all three of Milwaukee's Hot League pennant-clinching Championship Series wins came over Detroit.

Detroit Choke Artists and Psychoanalysis

Detroit continued to live up to their title of Hot League Choke Artists in the Toroidal Cup. In addition to the 3 League Championship Series losses to the Milwaukee Flamingos that formed the Dynasty Detroit Built (Toroidal/Season 2, Toroidal/Season 10, Toroidal/Season 17), the Grape Chews also lost League Championship Series to:

• Boylston Boogers (Toroidal/Season 4), lost in 5
• Orlando Business Majors (Toroidal/Season 12), lost in 5
• Sacramento Boot Lickers (Toroidal/Season 15), lost in 5
• Albuquerque Solarpunks (Toroidal/Season 19), swept by the Solarpunks

for a total of 8 blown opportunities to clinch a Hot League pennant and make an appearance in the Toroidal Cup series. (Note that this does not count losses in the League Division Series.)

Grape Chews Blow Their Last Chance

In Toroidal/Season 17 the Detroit Grape Chews and Milwaukee Flamingos met in the Hot League Championship Series, while the Tucson Butchers faced the Cold League Choke Artists the Baltimore Texas in the Cold League Championship Series, meaning the winner of the Hot League series would definitely face the Tucson Butchers - the third leg of the Midwest Love Triangle.

Prior to the Hot League Championship Series, the Flamingos made a deal with the Grape Chews. If the Grape Chews could win the Season 17 Hot League Championship Series, and then win the Toroidal Cup series against the Butchers, the Flamingos would agree to resurrect the Midwest Crown rivalry, abandon their romance with the Butchers, and go back to the way things were in the early seasons of the Hellmouth Cup to give things another shot. If the Grape Chews lost the series, or the Toroidal Cup series, the Flamingos and Grape Chews would mutually agree to close the book on the Midwest Crown and retire the rivalry forever.

The Grape Chews agreed. The Grape Chews and Flamingos tied up the series at 2 games apiece. And then, the Grape Chews choked in a critical Game 5.

In Game 5 [1], arguably the most important and defining game of the entire Detroit Grape Chews franchise, the Grape Chews started off weak, and only got weaker, until they were completely overrun by the Flamingos. It was a characteristic choke under maximum pressure.

The Championships the Butchers Gave Away

The drama continued in Toroidal/Season 17 as the Flamingos beat the Butchers to establish a Flawless Dynasty and the first multi-cup Dynasties in Golly history. Many critics noted that this mirrored events of the Hellmouth Cup, in which the Tucson Butchers similarly lost twice, giving the Flamingos a Flawless Dynasty with their second loss.

The controversy over the Flamingos winning four of their six championships by beating their anti-rivals raised questions about conflict of interest. The Tucson Butchers was suspected of throwing matches to help their anti-rivals achieve a Dynasty - if so, what did they receive in exchange?

The Commissioner's Office opened an investigation into the matter shortly after the Flamingos won their Season 17 Toroidal Cup championship.

Secret Shotgun Marriage of Butchers and Flamingos

With the opening of an investigation, the Flamingos faced the possible revocation of two Flawless Dyanasties, incineration, and worse - eternal humiliation. It was serious, so the Milwaukee Flamingos lawyered up.

The first and most important advice the Flamingos legal team gave was for the Flamingos to immediately marry the Tucson Butchers in a shotgun wedding in Las Vegas. Getting married allowed the two teams to claim spousal privilege during the investigation, significantly hindering its progress. However, the marriage was kept secret for fear of confirming everyone's suspicions about the Butchers throwing the championship for their spouse, the Flamingos.

Marriage Goes Public

In Toroidal/Season 20, the Commissioner's Office made several important announcements:

• Announcement of the formation of the Rainbow Cup, with teams from the Toroidal Cup league
• Announcement of the infamous Cancel Texas Memo in which the Commissioner doomed the Baltimore Texas to be incinerated, and punished the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners to take on the hometown and team colors of their bitter rivals, thus creating the Baltimore Piano Tuners
• Announcement of the marriage of the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers

Chews To Be Or Not To Be

When the Commissioner released the Cancel Texas Memo and announced the incineration of the Baltimore Texas , the Commissioner did not give the Texas a choice in the matter. However, the Commissioner did contact the Detroit Grape Chews to offer the possibility of being incinerated alongside their fellow Choke Artists, thus ending their humiliating, championship-appearance-free existence once and for all and the possibility of being reincarnated as a cursed expansion team, one day, many decades from now.

The offer came at a critical time for the Detroit Grape Chews . They had been humiliated in the League Championship Series of the Toroidal/Season 17, when they were forced to agree to disband the Midwest Cup following their loss. They had given up their third Hot League pennant to the Milwaukee Flamingos , who went on to establish the Dynasty Detroit Built. And to top it off, they had just found out about the secret marriage of the Flamingos and Butchers, through a Commissioner's Office press release of all things.

Controversy over Flamingos Dynasties

The announcement of the secret shotgun wedding between the Flamingos and Butchers in Las Vegas was met with public shock and outrage. Many fans, journalists, and commentators called for greater transparency and scrutiny of potential conflicts of interest.

While much of the criticism was aimed at the Flamingos and Butchers, most agreed the real problem was lack of accountability from the Commissioner. The Commissioner's only public statement was to state that the Commissioner would not be making a public statement on the matter, ever.

Fallout from Lawsuit

PR experts agreed that the public announcement of the marriage by the Commissioner's Office, and the subsequent refusal to comment on the matter, was an admission that the impenetrable legal defenses of the Milwaukee Flamingos legal team, together with the ingenious legal maneuver of the shotgun marriage, had successfully scuttled the investigation.

Shortly after the announcement, Z Division waged a propaganda campaign utilizing memes about Butcher-Flamingo babies that ultimately had no affect on public opinion.