Jersey OSHA Violations

The Jersey OSHA Violations are a Golly team from New Jersey. The OSHA Violations are most famous for their lack of postseason success. The OSHA Violations were the last Golly team to make the playoffs, in Season 5 of the Hellmouth Cup, earning them the nickname The Cubs of Golly.

Believing they were cursed by the nickname, the OSHA Violations went on to have only one appearance in the entire Hellmouth Cup, and have yet to appear in the Toroidal Cup.

Jersey OSHA Violations
"Safety third!"
Team Information
Name Jersey OSHA Violations Abbreviation OSHA Primary Color #53917e Logo    Hometown Jersey Emoji Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

OSHA Violations Legal Team

While it is not their principal claim to fame, the Jersey OSHA Violations have a world-class legal team of experienced and credentialed lawyers. Accidental Dismemberment, a famous Hellmouth trial lawyer, is team counsel for the Jersey OSHA Violations.

During the Hellmouth Cup Season 3 Fixing Scandal, the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team did pro bono work representing the Golly Players Union in their bid for the right to retire.

The events of the Season 3 Fixing Scandal and subsequent drought of postseason appearances by the OSHA Violations have led some fans to speculate that the Jersey OSHA Violations have had a hex placed on their database entries by the Golly Legal Office in retaliation for the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team's pro bono work. However, most fans will readily acknowledge that the real reason the Jersey OSHA Violations struggled in the postseason is because they kind of suck.

Anti-Rivalry with Seattle Sneakers

The Seattle Sneakers and Jersey OSHA Violations initially bonded through their mutual interest in legal action against the San Francisco Boat Shoes . The two teams became fast friends, soon discovering they also share a hobby of pushing the limits of what is possible for the human body to endure, both physically and psychologically.

Players from the OSHA Violations and Seattle Sneakers routinely go on team outings to participate in such extreme splorts as:

• base jumping without a parachute
• skydiving without a plane
• upside-down tightrope walking
• jump-off-a-cliff-and-dive-or-maybe-die
• fire-breathing
• tire-eating
• burning-tire-fire-eating
• taco sword-swallowing

Stadium

The Jersey OSHA Violations stadium is a state-of-the-art facility that is clearly paid for with dirty money from organized crime or money laundering or both. Every seat in the stadium features a built-in precision-temperature butt-warmer. The clubhouse contains a bathhouse with two dozen hot tubs of differing temperature and mineral content. The broadcast booth consists of a gigantic swimming pool made of pure translucent glass and precariously perched above the Golly grid, suspended by a cable, so broadcasters can swim while they call the game, and can see the game clearly from underwater abovegrid. Fans who are visiting the stadium can also enjoy a lavish museum of sports cars in the basement of the stadium, and every vendor in the stadium sells free nachos.

Suspected Organized Crime Connections

The Jersey OSHA Violations have performed poorly in nearly every season of every cup they have ever participated in, starting with the Hellmouth Cup. This has led to questions being raised about the viability of their organization, and the mystery of how they somehow seem to be above-budget each year despite such mediocre performance. The lavish stadium raises many additional questions and is fodder for many rumors in Golly.

Persons of Note

The following is an incomplete list of notable members of the Jersey OSHA Violations organization, past and present:

History

The Jersey OSHA Violations are a Golly team that has been in the league since the inaugural Season 1 of the Hellmouth Cup.

They were the last of the original 16 Golly teams to reach their first postseason (Season 5 of the Hellmouth Cup).

Hellmouth Cup History

Brief season-by-season summary:

• In Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations finished last in the Cold Water division and did not make the playoffs.
• In Season 3 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not make the playoffs. They were the first Cold League team to reach Partytime on Day 48.
• In Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the eventual Hellmouth Cup champions, the Elko Astronauts .
• In Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the Seattle Sneakers .
• In Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the Tucson Butchers .
• In Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They won the Cold League pennant, but lost to the San Francisco Boat Shoes in the Hellmouth Cup series.
• In Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the Elko Astronauts .
• In Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Championship Series by the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners .
• In Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Championship Series by the Seattle Sneakers .
• In Season 24 the Jersey OSHA Vioations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Championship Series by the Long Beach Flightless Birds .

Logo and Art

The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:

The following poster was commissioned by the Artists Union after the OSHA Violations made it to the Hellmouth Cup series in Season 12 to face off against the San Francisco Boat Shoes.

Season 12 Hellmouth Cup Poster