Alewife Arsonists

Alewife Arsonists
"Burn it down!"
Team Information
Name Alewife Arsonists Primary Color #ff1717 Logo    Abbreviation AA Hometown Alewife, Boston, MA Stadium Alewife Station, Red Line Emoji 🔥 Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
MTA Crown    Northbound Crown    Flamepunk Crown    Delawarehousefire Crown
Favorites
Mixtape Alewife🔥Arsonists🔥 Integer 25 Movie Backdraft
Divination
Element Fire Power Word Troublemakers
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

The Alewife Arsonists are a Golly team from the Alewife Metro Station in the Alewife district of Cambridge, a neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts. Unsurprisingly, the Alewife Arsonists are big fans of setting things on fire in any way possible - be it a classic Molotov Cocktail or a flamethrower attached to a drone.

In Season 14 the Alewife Arsonists were shocked to discover that their cross-town rivals the Boylston Boogers were joining the Golly league, replacing the Atlanta Glitter Sharks . The Arsonists and Boogers have been frenemies since childhood, and compete each year for the MTA Crown.

Team Character

Team members and fans alike share a love of setting things on fire - absolutely anything, by any means.

Arsonists in the Hellmouth Cup

Flamepunk Crown

When the Albuquerque Solarpunks joined the Hellmouth Cup in Season 16, they joined the same division as the Alewife Arsonists . The Solarpunks were critical of the Arsonists' use of fossil fuels to start fires, calling it a "crutch" in a statement to the press in which they called out the Arsonists by name. This led to a tense rivalry developing between the Solarpunks and the Arsonists, nicknamed the Flamepunk Crown. Soon after, the two teams collaborated on the Green Mug, an Arsonist slang term for a Molotov cocktail with a pyrophoric igniter and using biomass-derived methanol in place of the traditional gasoline. (Mug is Arsonist slang for any Molotov cocktail with a pyrophoric igniter and a fossil fuel.)

MTA Crown

In Season 14 of the Hellmouth Cup the Atlanta Glitter Sharks became the Quitter Sharks and quit the Hot Water division. They were replaced by the Boylston Boogers .

This came as a great shock to the Alewife Arsonists , also in the Hot Water division, as the two teams are lifelong frenemies. The Boogers hail from the Boylston Street station on the Green Line of the Boston Metropolitan Transit Authority (MTA) system, while the Arsonists hail from the Alewife station. The two immediately established the MTA Crown as the seasonal competition between the two teams.

The two teams have been connected for their entire existence, and both teams' fan bases are from Boston. As a result, the traditions and stories around the MTA Crown involve in-jokes, niche cultural references, and a constant barrage of references to the "glory days" of the respective teams. Most aspects of the rivalry are poorly understood by outsiders. Ironically, however, despite their shared traditions, common home team, and in-jokes that only they get, fans and players of Alewife and Boylston will fight like cats and dogs if left unattended.

Season by Season Summary

Season-by-Season Summaries for Alewife Arsonists .

Alewife Arsonists in the Hellmouth Cup

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron AA}}

• In Season 2 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Season 6 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-3.
• In Season 7 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 1-3.
• In Season 8 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by sweeping the Detroit Grape Chews 3-0 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Seattle Sneakers 4-1.
• In Season 9 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 1-3.
• In Season 11 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners , 1-4.
• In Season 12 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Orlando Business Majors .
• In Season 13 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Milwaukee Flamingos .
• In Season 14 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Boylston Boogers 2-3.
• In Season 16 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Elko Astronauts , 1-4.
• In Season 17 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Orlando Business Majors 2-3.
• In Season 19 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 4-1.

Alewife Arsonists in the Toroidal Cup

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron AA}}

• In Toroidal/Season 1 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 5 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 8 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the Tucson Butchers , 1-4.
• In Toroidal/Season 13 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 19 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Albuquerque Solarpunks 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 22 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Vegas Vampires .

Alewife Arsonists in the Rainbow Cup

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron AA}}

• In Rainbow/Season 8 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Orlando Business Majors and the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers .
• In Rainbow/Season 9 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the Milwaukee Flamingos .
  • They came in fourth in the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 27🌈 to finish 44🌈 behind the first-place Milwaukee Flamingos .
• In Rainbow/Season 12 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the Boylston Boogers .
  • They came in fourth in the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 17🌈 to finish 62🌈 behind the first-place Grand Junction Conjunctions .
• In Rainbow/Season 13 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the Louisville Illusionists .
  • They won the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 72🌈 to finish 22🌈 ahead of the Vegas Vampires .
• In Rainbow/Season 17 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers and the Delaware Corporate Shells .
• In Rainbow/Season 19 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers and the Milwaukee Flamingos .

Alewife Arsonists in the Klein Cup

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron AA}}

• In Klein/Season 3 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Boylston Boogers 2-4.
• In Klein/Season 5 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Vegas Vampires 2-3.
• In Klein/Season 7 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Vegas Vampires 2-3.
• In Klein/Season 8 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Jersey OSHA Violations .
• In Klein/Season 9 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Vegas Vampires 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the San Francisco Boat Shoes 4-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Klein Cup Series to the Elko Astronauts , 3-4.
• In Klein/Season 10 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 2-3.
• In Klein/Season 14 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Vegas Vampires 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the San Francisco Boat Shoes 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Klein Cup Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers , 2-4.
• In Klein/Season 16 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Detroit Grape Chews 2-3.
• In Klein/Season 21 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-4.

Alewife Arsonists in the Hellmouth II Cup

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron AA}}

• In Hellmouth II/Season 1 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-3.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 3 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 1-3.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 5 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Vegas Vampires 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 1-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 9 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 12 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Vegas Vampires 4-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Hellmouth II Cup champions by defeating the Phoenix Freshrolls 4-2.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 13 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 4-1 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth II Cup Series to the Elko Astronauts , 2-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 15 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 4-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth II Cup Series to the Albuquerque Solarpunks , 2-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 18 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Vegas Vampires 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 20 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Fargo Flea Flickers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth II Cup Series to the Elko Astronauts , 3-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 24 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Fargo Flea Flickers 1-3.

Alewife Arsonists in the Hellmouth III Cup

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron AA}}

• In Hellmouth III/Season 2 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Jersey OSHA Violations 2-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 6 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Hellmouth III Cup champions by defeating the Elko Astronauts 4-2.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 7 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Boylston Boogers 3-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 8 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Fargo Flea Flickers 2-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 9 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Vegas Vampires .
• In Hellmouth III/Season 12 the Alewife Arsonists were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 16 the Alewife Arsonists were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 18 the Alewife Arsonists were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Boylston Boogers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Vegas Vampires 4-1 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They were swept in the Hellmouth III Cup Series by the Phoenix Freshrolls .
• In Hellmouth III/Season 22 the Alewife Arsonists were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Fargo Flea Flickers 2-3.

Art

Minimalist Logo

The Alewife Arsonists announced a rebranding at the conclusion of Season 24, the last season of the Hellmouth Cup, and came out with a new minimalist Alewife Arsonists logo:

The Alewife Arsonists did not publicly announce their rebranding campaign. The Arsonists released their logo during a press conference following the Season 24 League Championship Series, which their cross-town rivals the Boylston Boogers won over the Albuquerque Solarpunks. The press conference was simultaneously happening with a Boylston Boogers press conference, also in Boston, across town, where the Boogers were also releasing new logos in preparation The logos were released simultaneously.

The Boylston Boogers logo that was released appears remarkably similar:

Litigation has been ongoing for over 24 seasons (the entire duration of the Toroidal Cup) and continues to this day. It is widely suspected that the Boogers and Arsonists hired the same graphic designer for their logo redesign, leading to the similar logos, and that when the logos were simultaneously released and the similarities reveale to the world, both teams went to the same team of lawyers to sue their cross-town rival.

Cup Posters