Jersey OSHA Violations

Jersey OSHA Violations
"Safety third!"
Team Information
Name Jersey OSHA Violations Primary Color #53917e Logo    Abbreviation OSHA Hometown Jersey Emoji 🚫 Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
Highwire Crown    Northbound Crown    Southbound Crown
Preferences
Movie Law & Order (TV Show)
Divination
Element Fire Power Word Lawyer
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

The Jersey OSHA Violations are a Golly team from New Jersey. The OSHA Violations were the last of the original 16 Golly teams to make the playoffs, in Season 5 of the Hellmouth Cup, earning them the nickname The Bear Cubs of Golly. The OSHA Violations went on to become infamous for their lack of postseason success in the Hellmouth Cup and Toroidal Cup.

The OSHA Violations championship drought, attributed to the Curse of the Silly Goat, lasted for 45 seasons. The Curse of the Silly Goat was unexpectedly broken in Season 1 of the Rainbow Cup, when the OSHA Violations mounted a surprise comeback to win the first-ever Rainbow Cup championship.

The Jersey OSHA Violations have a tradition of getting blackout drunk before playoffs games. This has led to the use of the term Jersey Courage to refer to courage gained from intoxication with alcohol.

Team Character

The Jersey OSHA Violations are sticklers for rules, and love processes, procedures, and paperwork. They can find ambiguities in nearly everything, burrowing like termites into the truth until it is so full of holes it is impossible to tell up from down.

OSHA Violations Legal Team

While it is not their principal claim to fame, the Jersey OSHA Violations have a world-class legal team of experienced and credentialed lawyers. Accidental Dismemberment, a famous Hellmouth trial lawyer, is the team's lead counsel, and offers legal consulting for other Golly teams in any effort to erode the power of the Commissioner's Office.

During the Hellmouth Cup Season 3 Fixing Scandal, the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team did pro bono work representing the Golly Players Union in their bid for the right to retire.

The events of the Season 3 Fixing Scandal and subsequent drought of postseason appearances by the OSHA Violations have led some fans to speculate that the Jersey OSHA Violations had a hex placed on their database entries by the Golly Legal Office in retaliation for the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team's pro bono work. However, most fans readily acknowledged that the real reason the Jersey OSHA Violations struggled in the postseason is because they kind of sucked.

Lavish Stadium

The Jersey OSHA Violations stadium is a state-of-the-art facility, very obviously a front for sketchy business dealings, money laundering, and other organized criminal activities. Some examples of how lavish the stadium is:

• There are forty-seven steakhouses throughout the stadium
• Every seat in the place has a built-in butt warmer with remote control temperature controller
• The roof is constructed of a rare beryllium permanganate crystal structure that had to be grown in zero gravity
• The locker room contains a bathhouse with two dozen hot tubs, each with a different combination of temperature and mineral content
• The broadcast booth consists of a gigantic swimming pool made of perfectly translucent glass that is precariously perched above the Golly grid, suspended by a nearly-invisible cable, so that broadcasters can see the game more clearly
• The stadium features a lavish sports car museum with hundreds of thousands of cars in the underground salt mine beneath the stadium
• Every vendor in the stadium features free nachos (as do the steakhouses)

Given the long drought of postseason appearances, and even longer drought of championships, the lavishness of the stadium has led to many unanswered questions about their source of funding, the viability of the organization's finances, and the mystery of how the OSHA Violations are the only team that has consistently come in above-budget despite being ranked last in attendance.

Persons of Note

The following is an incomplete list of notable members of the Jersey OSHA Violations organization, past and present:

• The Godfather - nickname for the owner(s) of the franchise (true identity unknown)
• Accidental Dismemberment - chief legal counsel, Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team
• Ambulanzé Chaise-Arré - a hot-shot celebrity tort lawyer who joined the Jersey OSHA Violations as a free agent for the Toroidal Cup
• Junior Perfect - a top-notch paralegal who ensures everything in the legal office runs smoothly; Perfect has an eagle eye for detail and ensures every capital I is dotted and every capital T is crossed

OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth Cup

Anti-Rivalry with Seattle Sneakers

The Seattle Sneakers and Jersey OSHA Violations initially bonded during the Hellmouth Cup through their mutual interest in legal action against the San Francisco Boat Shoes . The two teams became fast friends, soon discovering they also share a hobby of pushing the limits of what is possible for the human body to endure, both physically and psychologically. They established an official anti-rivalry, dubbed the Highwire Crown.

Players from the OSHA Violations and Seattle Sneakers routinely go on team outings to participate in such extreme splorts as:

• base jumping without a parachute
• skydiving without a plane
• upside-down tightrope walking
• jump-off-a-cliff-and-dive-or-maybe-die
• fire-breathing
• tire-eating
• burning-tire-fire-eating
• taco sword-swallowing

Members of the OSHA Violations legal team are avid sneakerheads, and will get hot tips from the Seattle Sneakers when exclusive sneaker releases drop; in exchange, the OSHA Violations legal team provides free legal consults for the Sneakers.

OSHA Violations in the Rainbow Cup

First Ever Franchise Championship

In Rainbow/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations defied the odds, being ranked as underdogs in every postseason series they were in, to gain eternal glory as the first-ever Rainbow Cup champions. The championship victory snapped a 48-season championship drought brought on by the Curse of the Silly Goat.

Wheels Shamed by the OSHA Violations

In Rainbow/Season 1 the Fargo Flea Flickers attracted much of the attention for their incredible performance in the regular season, but the Mobile Wheels stole the show in the postseason, clinching the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series with a commanding lead, and battling with the Phoenix Freshrolls for the glory of capturing the first Rainbow Cup championship. The Freshrolls and Wheels were tied going into Game 9, but both were stunned in a come-from-behind upset victory for the Jersey OSHA Violations , who finally broke the Curse of the Silly Goat and captured their first ever championship, beating the Wheels by a single rainbow (53-52).

Stunned by their loss to the OSHA Violations and with their confidence shaken, the Wheels took a postseason sabbatical, and did not return to the postseason until Rainbow/Season 11. They finished in a strong first in the League Championship Series and edged out the Tucson Butchers in a tense, dramatic Game 9 to capture their first-ever championship.

Season by Season Summary

Season-by-Season Summaries for Jersey OSHA Violations .

Jersey OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth Cup

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

• In Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Elko Astronauts 1-3.
• In Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the Seattle Sneakers .
• In Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Tucson Butchers 2-3.
• In Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Long Beach Flightless Birds 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Baltimore Texas 3-2 in the Cold League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes , 3-4.
• In Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Elko Astronauts 1-3.
• In Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Salt Lake Turbulence 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners .
• In Season 21 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 1-3.
• In Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Seattle Sneakers 1-3.
• In Season 23 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the Long Beach Flightless Birds .

Jersey OSHA Violations in the Toroidal Cup

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

• In Toroidal/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the San Diego Balloon Animals .
• In Toroidal/Season 4 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Baltimore Texas 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 6 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners .
• In Toroidal/Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • They swept the Phoenix Freshrolls 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the Salt Lake Turbulence .
• In Toroidal/Season 10 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • They defeated the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
  • They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Tucson Butchers 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Baltimore Texas 1-3.

Jersey OSHA Violations in the Rainbow Cup

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

• In Rainbow/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in first place ahead of the Mobile Wheels .
  • They won the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 53🌈 to finish 1🌈 ahead of the Mobile Wheels .
• In Rainbow/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the Louisville Illusionists .
  • They came in fourth in the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 33🌈 to finish 25🌈 behind the first-place Long Beach Flightless Birds .
• In Rainbow/Season 3 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Fargo Flea Flickers and the Louisville Illusionists .
• In Rainbow/Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Alewife Arsonists and the Louisville Illusionists .
• In Rainbow/Season 14 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers and the Fargo Flea Flickers .
• In Rainbow/Season 18 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Fargo Flea Flickers and the Mobile Wheels .
• In Rainbow/Season 20 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers .
  • They came in fourth in the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 35🌈 to finish 36🌈 behind the first-place Sacramento Boot Lickers .
• In Rainbow/Season 24 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Unwest League.
  • They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the Mobile Wheels and the Milwaukee Flamingos .

Jersey OSHA Violations in the Klein Cup

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

• In Klein/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Detroit Grape Chews 1-3.
• In Klein/Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Alewife Arsonists 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Delaware Corporate Shells 4-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Klein Cup champions by defeating the Tucson Butchers 4-1.
• In Klein/Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Detroit Grape Chews .
• In Klein/Season 15 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Detroit Grape Chews 2-3.
• In Klein/Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 1-3.
• In Klein/Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Fargo Flea Flickers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by sweeping the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 4-0 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Klein Cup champions by defeating the Seattle Sneakers 4-3.
• In Klein/Season 21 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Vegas Vampires 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Alewife Arsonists 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Klein Cup champions by defeating the Seattle Sneakers 4-2.
• In Klein/Season 24 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Detroit Grape Chews 1-3.

Jersey OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth II Cup

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

• In Hellmouth II/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Fargo Flea Flickers 3-4.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 4 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They were swept in the Hellmouth II Cup Series by the Tucson Butchers .
• In Hellmouth II/Season 6 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Boylston Boogers 4-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They were swept in the Hellmouth II Cup Series by the Tucson Butchers .
• In Hellmouth II/Season 7 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 10 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the San Francisco Boat Shoes 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Hellmouth II Cup champions by defeating the Phoenix Freshrolls 4-1.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 11 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Vegas Vampires 2-3.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 16 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They became Hellmouth II Cup champions by defeating the Sacramento Boot Lickers 4-2.
• In Hellmouth II/Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the San Francisco Boat Shoes .
• In Hellmouth II/Season 20 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Detroit Grape Chews .
• In Hellmouth II/Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Fargo Flea Flickers 1-3.

Jersey OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth III Cup

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

• In Hellmouth III/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Alewife Arsonists 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Delaware Corporate Shells 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth III Cup Series to the Albuquerque Solarpunks , 3-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 3 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Delaware Corporate Shells .
• In Hellmouth III/Season 4 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 2-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 7 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Boylston Boogers 2-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 10 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Detroit Grape Chews 2-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 11 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Fargo Flea Flickers 2-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Alewife Arsonists 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth III Cup Series to the Albuquerque Solarpunks , 3-4.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Delaware Corporate Shells .
• In Hellmouth III/Season 15 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Boylston Boogers .
• In Hellmouth III/Season 16 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Alewife Arsonists 1-3.
• In Hellmouth III/Season 18 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Vegas Vampires .
• In Hellmouth III/Season 24 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • They swept the Boylston Boogers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
  • They clinched the pennant by defeating the Fargo Flea Flickers 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
  • They lost the Hellmouth III Cup Series to the Elko Astronauts , 3-4.

Art

Logo

The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:

Posters

The following poster was commissioned by the Artists Union after the OSHA Violations made it to the Hellmouth Cup series in Season 12 to face off against the San Francisco Boat Shoes.

Cup Posters