Jersey OSHA Violations
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The Jersey OSHA Violations
are a Golly team from New Jersey. The OSHA Violations were the last of the original 16 Golly teams to make the playoffs, in Season 5 of the Hellmouth Cup, earning them the nickname The Bear Cubs of Golly. The OSHA Violations went on to become infamous for their lack of postseason success in the Hellmouth Cup and Toroidal Cup.
The OSHA Violations championship drought, attributed to the Curse of the Silly Goat, lasted for 45 seasons. The Curse of the Silly Goat was unexpectedly broken in Season 1 of the Rainbow Cup, when the OSHA Violations mounted a surprise comeback to win the first-ever Rainbow Cup championship.
The Jersey OSHA Violations have a tradition of getting blackout drunk before playoffs games. This has led to the use of the term Jersey Courage to refer to courage gained from intoxication with alcohol.
Team Character
The Jersey OSHA Violations are sticklers for rules, and love processes, procedures, and paperwork. They can find ambiguities in nearly everything, burrowing like termites into the truth until it is so full of holes it is impossible to tell up from down.
OSHA Violations Legal Team
While it is not their principal claim to fame, the Jersey OSHA Violations
have a world-class legal team of experienced and credentialed lawyers. Accidental Dismemberment, a famous Hellmouth trial lawyer, is the team's lead counsel, and offers legal consulting for other Golly teams in any effort to erode the power of the Commissioner's Office.
During the Hellmouth Cup Season 3 Fixing Scandal, the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team did pro bono work representing the Golly Players Union in their bid for the right to retire.
The events of the Season 3 Fixing Scandal and subsequent drought of postseason appearances by the OSHA Violations have led some fans to speculate that the Jersey OSHA Violations had a hex placed on their database entries by the Golly Legal Office in retaliation for the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team's pro bono work. However, most fans readily acknowledged that the real reason the Jersey OSHA Violations struggled in the postseason is because they kind of sucked.
Lavish Stadium
The Jersey OSHA Violations
stadium is a state-of-the-art facility, very obviously a front for sketchy business dealings, money laundering, and other organized criminal activities. Some examples of how lavish the stadium is:
- There are forty-seven steakhouses throughout the stadium
- Every seat in the place has a built-in butt warmer with remote control temperature controller
- The roof is constructed of a rare beryllium permanganate crystal structure that had to be grown in zero gravity
- The locker room contains a bathhouse with two dozen hot tubs, each with a different combination of temperature and mineral content
- The broadcast booth consists of a gigantic swimming pool made of perfectly translucent glass that is precariously perched above the Golly grid, suspended by a nearly-invisible cable, so that broadcasters can see the game more clearly
- The stadium features a lavish sports car museum with hundreds of thousands of cars in the underground salt mine beneath the stadium
- Every vendor in the stadium features free nachos (as do the steakhouses)
Given the long drought of postseason appearances, and even longer drought of championships, the lavishness of the stadium has led to many unanswered questions about their source of funding, the viability of the organization's finances, and the mystery of how the OSHA Violations are the only team that has consistently come in above-budget despite being ranked last in attendance.
Persons of Note
The following is an incomplete list of notable members of the Jersey OSHA Violations organization, past and present:
- The Godfather - nickname for the owner(s) of the franchise (true identity unknown)
- Accidental Dismemberment - chief legal counsel, Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team
- Ambulanzé Chaise-Arré - a hot-shot celebrity tort lawyer who joined the Jersey OSHA Violations as a free agent for the Toroidal Cup
- Junior Perfect - a top-notch paralegal who ensures everything in the legal office runs smoothly; Perfect has an eagle eye for detail and ensures every capital I is dotted and every capital T is crossed
OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth Cup
Anti-Rivalry with Seattle Sneakers
The Seattle Sneakers
and
Jersey OSHA Violations
initially bonded during the Hellmouth Cup through their mutual interest in legal action against the
San Francisco Boat Shoes
. The two teams became fast friends, soon discovering they also share a hobby of pushing the limits of what is possible for the human body to endure, both physically and psychologically. They established an official anti-rivalry, dubbed the Highwire Crown.
Players from the OSHA Violations and Seattle Sneakers routinely go on team outings to participate in such extreme splorts as:
- base jumping without a parachute
- skydiving without a plane
- upside-down tightrope walking
- jump-off-a-cliff-and-dive-or-maybe-die
- fire-breathing
- tire-eating
- burning-tire-fire-eating
- taco sword-swallowing
Members of the OSHA Violations legal team are avid sneakerheads, and will get hot tips from the Seattle Sneakers when exclusive sneaker releases drop; in exchange, the OSHA Violations legal team provides free legal consults for the Sneakers.
OSHA Violations in the Toroidal Cup
OSHA Violations in the Rainbow Cup
First Ever Franchise Championship
In Rainbow/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations
defied the odds, being ranked as underdogs in every postseason series they were in, to gain eternal glory as the first-ever Rainbow Cup champions. The championship victory snapped a 48-season championship drought brought on by the Curse of the Silly Goat.
Wheels Shamed by the OSHA Violations
In Rainbow/Season 1 the Fargo Flea Flickers
attracted much of the attention for their incredible performance in the regular season, but the
Mobile Wheels
stole the show in the postseason, clinching the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series with a commanding lead, and battling with the
Phoenix Freshrolls
for the glory of capturing the first Rainbow Cup championship. The Freshrolls and Wheels were tied going into Game 9, but both were stunned in a come-from-behind upset victory for the
Jersey OSHA Violations
, who finally broke the Curse of the Silly Goat and captured their first ever championship, beating the Wheels by a single rainbow (53-52).
Stunned by their loss to the OSHA Violations and with their confidence shaken, the Wheels took a postseason sabbatical, and did not return to the postseason until Rainbow/Season 11. They finished in a strong first in the League Championship Series and edged out the Tucson Butchers
in a tense, dramatic Game 9 to capture their first-ever championship.
Season by Season Summary
Season-by-Season Summaries for Jersey OSHA Violations
.
Jersey OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth Cup
{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
- In Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Elko Astronauts 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
Seattle Sneakers .
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
- In Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Tucson Butchers 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
Long Beach Flightless Birds 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Baltimore Texas 3-2 in the Cold League Championship Series.
- They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the
San Francisco Boat Shoes , 3-4.
- They defeated the
- In Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Elko Astronauts 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
Salt Lake Turbulence 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners .
- They defeated the
- In Season 21 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Salt Lake Turbulence 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the
Seattle Sneakers 1-3.
- They defeated the
- In Season 23 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
Long Beach Flightless Birds .
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
Jersey OSHA Violations in the Toroidal Cup
{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
- In Toroidal/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
San Diego Balloon Animals .
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
- In Toroidal/Season 4 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Baltimore Texas 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Toroidal/Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
San Diego Balloon Animals 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the
Salt Lake Turbulence 1-3.
- They defeated the
- In Toroidal/Season 6 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Toroidal/Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners .
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
- In Toroidal/Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They swept the
Phoenix Freshrolls 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the
Salt Lake Turbulence .
- They swept the
- In Toroidal/Season 10 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
San Diego Balloon Animals 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the
Tucson Butchers 1-3.
- They defeated the
- In Toroidal/Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Baltimore Texas 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Jersey OSHA Violations in the Rainbow Cup
{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
- In Rainbow/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
- They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in first place ahead of the
Mobile Wheels .
- They won the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 53🌈 to finish 1🌈 ahead of the
Mobile Wheels .
- They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in first place ahead of the
- In Rainbow/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
- They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the
Louisville Illusionists .
- They came in fourth in the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 33🌈 to finish 25🌈 behind the first-place
Long Beach Flightless Birds .
- They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the
- In Rainbow/Season 3 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Fargo Flea Flickers and the
Louisville Illusionists .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Alewife Arsonists and the
Louisville Illusionists .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 14 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers and the
Fargo Flea Flickers .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 18 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Fargo Flea Flickers and the
Mobile Wheels .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 20 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
- They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers .
- They came in fourth in the Rainbow Cup Series, accumulating 35🌈 to finish 36🌈 behind the first-place
Sacramento Boot Lickers .
- They clinched the pennant in the Unwest League Championship Series by coming in second place behind the
- In Rainbow/Season 24 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Mobile Wheels and the
Milwaukee Flamingos .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Jersey OSHA Violations in the Klein Cup
{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
- In Klein/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Detroit Grape Chews 1-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They swept the
Alewife Arsonists 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Delaware Corporate Shells 4-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They became Klein Cup champions by defeating the
Tucson Butchers 4-1.
- They swept the
- In Klein/Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
Detroit Grape Chews .
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
- In Klein/Season 15 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Detroit Grape Chews 2-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 1-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
Fargo Flea Flickers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by sweeping the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 4-0 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They became Klein Cup champions by defeating the
Seattle Sneakers 4-3.
- They defeated the
- In Klein/Season 21 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
Vegas Vampires 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Alewife Arsonists 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They became Klein Cup champions by defeating the
Seattle Sneakers 4-2.
- They defeated the
- In Klein/Season 24 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Detroit Grape Chews 1-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Jersey OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth II Cup
{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
- In Hellmouth II/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They swept the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the
San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-4.
- They swept the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
Milwaukee Flamingos 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the
Fargo Flea Flickers 3-4.
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 4 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Detroit Grape Chews 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They were swept in the Hellmouth II Cup Series by the
Tucson Butchers .
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 6 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Boylston Boogers 4-2 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They were swept in the Hellmouth II Cup Series by the
Tucson Butchers .
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 7 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 10 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
San Francisco Boat Shoes 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They became Hellmouth II Cup champions by defeating the
Phoenix Freshrolls 4-1.
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 11 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Vegas Vampires 2-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 16 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They became Hellmouth II Cup champions by defeating the
Sacramento Boot Lickers 4-2.
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
San Francisco Boat Shoes .
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 20 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
Detroit Grape Chews .
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Fargo Flea Flickers 1-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Jersey OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth III Cup
{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
- In Hellmouth III/Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
Alewife Arsonists 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Delaware Corporate Shells 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They lost the Hellmouth III Cup Series to the
Albuquerque Solarpunks , 3-4.
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 3 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
Delaware Corporate Shells .
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 4 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Delaware Corporate Shells 2-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 7 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Boylston Boogers 2-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 10 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Detroit Grape Chews 2-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 11 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Fargo Flea Flickers 2-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
- They defeated the
Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Alewife Arsonists 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They lost the Hellmouth III Cup Series to the
Albuquerque Solarpunks , 3-4.
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
- They swept the
San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the
Delaware Corporate Shells .
- They swept the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 15 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
Boylston Boogers .
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 16 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
Alewife Arsonists 1-3.
- They lost the Hot League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 18 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
Vegas Vampires .
- They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the
- In Hellmouth III/Season 24 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
- They swept the
Boylston Boogers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Fargo Flea Flickers 4-3 in the Hot League Championship Series.
- They lost the Hellmouth III Cup Series to the
Elko Astronauts , 3-4.
- They swept the
Art
Logo
The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:
Posters
The following poster was commissioned by the Artists Union after the OSHA Violations made it to the Hellmouth Cup series in Season 12 to face off against the San Francisco Boat Shoes.
Cup Posters
Hellmouth Cup Teams |
Cold Fire Division | |
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Cold Water Division | ||
Hot Fire Division | ||
Hot Water Division |
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Navbox Info: | ||
Template:Navbox hellmouth teams • edit |
Toroidal Cup Teams |
Cold Fire Division |
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Cold Water Division |
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Hot Fire Division |
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Hot Water Division | ||
Navbox Info: | ||
Template:Navbox toroidal teams • edit |
Rainbow Cup Teams |
Unwest League, Cold Division | |
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Unwest League, Northunwest Division | ||
Unwest League, South Division | ||
West League, Mountain Division | ||
West League, Pacific Division | ||
West League, Southwest Division | ||
Navbox Info: | ||
Template:Navbox rainbow teams • edit |
Klein Cup Teams |
Cold Fire Division | |
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Cold Water Division | ||
Hot Fire Division | ||
Hot Water Division | ||
Navbox Info: | ||
Template:Navbox klein teams • edit |