Jersey OSHA Violations

The Jersey OSHA Violations are a Golly team from New Jersey. The OSHA Violations were the last of the original 16 Golly teams to make the playoffs, in Season 5 of the Hellmouth Cup, earning them the nickname The Bear Cubs of Golly. The OSHA Violations went on to become infamous for their lack of postseason success in the Hellmouth Cup and Toroidal Cup.

The OSHA Violations championship drought, attributed to the Curse of the Silly Goat, lasted for 45 seasons. The Curse of the Silly Goat was unexpectedly broken in Season 1 of the Rainbow Cup, when the OSHA Violations mounted a surprise comeback to win the first-ever Rainbow Cup championship.

The Jersey OSHA Violations have a tradition of getting blackout drunk before playoffs games. This has led to the use of the term Jersey Courage to refer to courage gained from intoxication with alcohol.

Jersey OSHA Violations
"Safety third!"
Team Information
Name Jersey OSHA Violations Abbreviation OSHA Primary Color #53917e Logo    Hometown Jersey Emoji 🚫 Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

Team Character

The Jersey OSHA Violations are sticklers for rules, and love processes, procedures, and paperwork. They can find ambiguities in nearly everything, burrowing like termites into the truth until it is so full of holes it is impossible to tell up from down.

OSHA Violations Legal Team

While it is not their principal claim to fame, the Jersey OSHA Violations have a world-class legal team of experienced and credentialed lawyers. Accidental Dismemberment, a famous Hellmouth trial lawyer, is team counsel for the Jersey OSHA Violations.

During the Hellmouth Cup Season 3 Fixing Scandal, the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team did pro bono work representing the Golly Players Union in their bid for the right to retire.

The events of the Season 3 Fixing Scandal and subsequent drought of postseason appearances by the OSHA Violations have led some fans to speculate that the Jersey OSHA Violations have had a hex placed on their database entries by the Golly Legal Office in retaliation for the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team's pro bono work. However, most fans will readily acknowledge that the real reason the Jersey OSHA Violations struggled in the postseason is because they kind of suck.

Anti-Rivalry with Seattle Sneakers

The Seattle Sneakers and Jersey OSHA Violations initially bonded through their mutual interest in legal action against the San Francisco Boat Shoes . The two teams became fast friends, soon discovering they also share a hobby of pushing the limits of what is possible for the human body to endure, both physically and psychologically.

Players from the OSHA Violations and Seattle Sneakers routinely go on team outings to participate in such extreme splorts as:

• base jumping without a parachute
• skydiving without a plane
• upside-down tightrope walking
• jump-off-a-cliff-and-dive-or-maybe-die
• fire-breathing
• tire-eating
• burning-tire-fire-eating
• taco sword-swallowing

Lavish Stadium

The Jersey OSHA Violations stadium is a state-of-the-art facility that is clearly paid for with dirty money from organized crime or money laundering or both. Some examples:

• There are forty-seven steakhouses throughout the stadium
• Every seat in the place has a built-in butt warmer with remote control temperature controller
• The roof is constructed of a rare beryllium permanganate crystal structure that had to be grown in zero gravity
• The locker room contains a bathhouse with two dozen hot tubs, each with a different combination of temperature and mineral content
• The broadcast booth consists of a gigantic swimming pool made of perfectly translucent glass that is precariously perched above the Golly grid, suspended by a nearly-invisible cable, so that broadcasters can see the game more clearly
• The stadium features a lavish sports car museum with hundreds of thousands of cars in the underground salt mine beneath the stadium
• Every vendor in the stadium features free nachos (as do the steakhouses)

Suspected Organized Crime Connections

The Jersey OSHA Violations have performed poorly in nearly every season of every cup they have ever participated in, starting with the Hellmouth Cup. This has led to questions being raised about the viability of their organization, and the mystery of how they somehow seem to be above-budget each year despite such mediocre performance. The lavish stadium raises many additional questions and is fodder for many rumors in Golly.

Persons of Note

The following is an incomplete list of notable members of the Jersey OSHA Violations organization, past and present:

• The Godfather - nickname for the owner(s) of the franchise (true identity unknown)
• Accidental Dismemberment - chief legal counsel, Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team

Season by Season Summary

Hellmouth Cup Summary

• In Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Elko Astronauts 1-3.
• In Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the Seattle Sneakers .
• In Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Tucson Butchers 2-3.
• In Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Long Beach Flightless Birds 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Baltimore Texas 3-2 in the Cold League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes , 3-4.
• In Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Elko Astronauts 1-3.
• In Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Salt Lake Turbulence 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners .
• In Season 21 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 1-3.
• In Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Seattle Sneakers 1-3.
• In Season 23 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the Long Beach Flightless Birds .

Toroidal Cup Summary

• In Toroidal/Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the San Diego Balloon Animals .
• In Toroidal/Season 4 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Baltimore Texas 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 6 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners .
• In Toroidal/Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They swept the Phoenix Freshrolls 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the Salt Lake Turbulence .
• In Toroidal/Season 10 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Tucson Butchers 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Baltimore Texas 1-3.

Rainbow Cup Summary

TBA

Art

Logo

The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:

Posters

The following poster was commissioned by the Artists Union after the OSHA Violations made it to the Hellmouth Cup series in Season 12 to face off against the San Francisco Boat Shoes.

Season 12 Hellmouth Cup Poster