Ft. Worth Piano Tuners

Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
"Tuned up!"
Team Information
Name Ft. Worth Piano Tuners Abbreviation FWPT Primary Color #ef6f6c Logo    Hometown Ft. Worth Emoji Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

Related: Baltimore Piano Tuners

The Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were a Golly team from Ft. Worth, Texas. Despite their name, the Piano Tuners were infamous for their tone-deafness. They were completely unable to keep a tune, hold a note, or keep time to even the most basic beat. The Piano Tuners were also, somehow, completely unaware of their musical inabilities.

The franchise became famous in the Hellmouth Cup for their inconsistent performance, often finishing at the very top or very bottom of the league. They were in the Hellmouth Cup several times, tying the Astronauts for the Cold League team with the most Hellmouth Cup appearances.

The franchise name was tarnished in Toroidal/Season 16, when the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal broke. The scandal, which would bring down the entire franchise just four seasons later, involved a partnership with the Delaware Corporate Shells to set up shell companies to provide backdoored random number generators to E Division and affect the outcomes of matches. The Piano Tuners were heavily censured by the Commissioner, and roundly condemned for their behavior.

In Toroidal/Season 20 the scandal came back to haunt the Piano Tuners. Their bitterest rivals, the Baltimore Texas, were canceled as part of the Cancel Texas Memo, while the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners, as a result of the scandal, were given the humiliating fate of taking on the team colors and hometown of the Baltimore Texas. The Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were forced to become the Baltimore Piano Tuners .

Team Character

Formation in Amateur Leagues

Prior to joining the Golly league as a professional splorts team, the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were previously known as the Dallas Piano Movers, a pick-up league of amateur Golly enthusiasts who played intramural cellular automata games on weekends. When Golly was announced, the Piano Movers formed a franchise and moved to Ft. Worth, rebranding themselves as the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners.

Piano Tuners in the Toroidal Cup

Hacking Scandal

Main: Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal

The Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal is a scandal that took place during the Toroidal/Season 16 postseason. The Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were accused of procuring backdoored random number generators to Golly's E Division (with the help of shell companies set up by Delaware Corporate Shells ) to affect the outcome of the Toroidal/Season 15 championship (which the Tuners had won). E Division secretly patched the random number generators shortly before the Toroidal/Season 16 championship, allowing a fair fight and enabling the Sacramento Boot Lickers to get a revenge reversal and win the championship.

Cancel Texas Memo

Main: Cancel Texas Memo

Season by Season Summary

Hellmouth Cup Summary

• In Season 2 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Baltimore Texas 1-3.
• In Season 4 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the first to Partytime in the Cold League on Day 48.
• In Season 5 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the first to Partytime in the Cold League on Day 45.
• In Season 6 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Elko Astronauts 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the San Diego Balloon Animals .
• In Season 7 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Tucson Butchers 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the Long Beach Flightless Birds .
• In Season 8 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the first to Partytime on Day 45.
• In Season 10 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the first to Partytime on Day 45, together with the San Diego Balloon Animals .
• In Season 11 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Elko Astronauts 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Seattle Sneakers 3-1 in the Cold League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Alewife Arsonists 4-1.
• In Season 12 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Baltimore Texas 1-3.
• In Season 14 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Baltimore Texas 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-1 in the Cold League Championship Series. They were swept in the Hellmouth Cup Series by the San Diego Balloon Animals .
• In Season 15 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Tucson Butchers 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Long Beach Flightless Birds 3-2 in the Cold League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Delaware Corporate Shells 4-3.
• In Season 17 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Long Beach Flightless Birds 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-0 in the Cold League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Orlando Business Majors , 3-4.
• In Season 18 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the first to Partytime on Day 47, together with the Tucson Butchers .
• In Season 19 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Long Beach Flightless Birds 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Baltimore Texas 3-2 in the Cold League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Alewife Arsonists , 1-4.
• In Season 22 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Jersey OSHA Violations 1-3.
• In Season 23 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Tucson Butchers 2-3.
• In Season 24 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence 1-3.

Team Fight Song

The Ft. Worth Piano Tuners selected the song "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" as their fight song during their historic Season 2 winning streak. The fan section of their home stadium began singing the fight song during the playoffs, and to this day there are still some hungry, cold, and dedicated fans who live in the bowels of the stadium, maintaining round the clock vigils to finish the song. They have lost count approximately 27 times.

Party Animals

The Ft. Worth Piano Tuners have established themselves as the Party Animals of Golly, reaching Partytime more often than any other team.

Art

Logo

The Artists Union was commissioned to make a poster for the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners after their Season 14 League Division Series victory over the Baltimore Texas. Unfortunately, no one in the Artists Union was aware that no players on the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners have any musical talent whatsoever.

When the poster was unveiled to the team, most of them stood and stared at it, confused. A few asked what "sight reading" was. Fortunately no artists were present for the unveiling. It was a sordid affair all around.

Cup Posters