Seattle Sneakers

The Seattle Sneakers are a Golly team from Seattle, Washington. They joined the Hellmouth Cup in Season 1.

The Sneakers' major arcana is The High Priestess, a reference to their inextricable link to the Underworld and the Gateway to the Land of the Dead.

The Sneakers are known for being fearless, courageous, and never willing to hear what the odds are.

Seattle Sneakers
"Don't Look Down"
Team Information
Name Seattle Sneakers Abbreviation SS Primary Color #e86215 Logo    Hometown Seattle Emoji 👟 Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

Team Character

The Seattle Sneakers are the coolest team in Golly. Everyone admires their style. Once, as a prank, the entire Seattle Sneakers team wore giant baby diapers to their matches, and acted like it was totally normal. The next day, every other team was wearing giant baby diapers to their matches.

Planewalkers

The Seattle Sneakers are capable of astral projection, and can travel through the astral plane to many regions of the universe. They are one of only two Golly teams with this ability, the other being the Mobile Wheels . The Sneakers barely ever use this ability.

Love of Heights

The Seattle Sneakers live out their motto, "Don't Look Down," in daily life. Many Seattle Sneakers players are world-class amateur extreme splorts enthusiasts in such splorts as such as upside-down tightrope walking or no-plane skydiving. Other players on the Sneakers engage in various forms of strength-building splorts, such as zero-g weightlifting, or psychological endurance splorts, such as long-distance sensory deprivation running. More than a few Seattle Sneakers players hold world titles in various competitive eating splorts.

Friendship with Jersey OSHA Violations

The Seattle Sneakers have developed a friendly relationship with the Jersey OSHA Violations, whose legal team are avid sneakerheads. The Sneakers feed the OSHA Violations Legal Team hot tips on new sneakers that are dropping, and in exchange receive free legal consults and the backing of the best legal team in Golly.

Bonding with OSHA Violations over Extreme Splorts Hobbies

The Jersey OSHA Violations, no strangers to pushing the limits of human endurance or finding themselves in situations involving extreme hazards completely outside the realm of normal human experience, bonded with the Seattle Sneakers over their shared love of extreme splorts and pushing the limits. Players from the Sneakers and OSHA Violations can routinely be found upside-down tightrope walking over Naiagra Falls or attempting to remove components from aircraft engines mid-flight.

Sneakers in the Hellmouth Cup

Feud with San Francisco Boat Shoes

During Season 8 the San Francisco Boat Shoes , who were eliminated from the postseason, made several social media posts that tagged the Seattle Sneakers or alluded to them.

The San Francisco Boat Shoes and Sneakers did not normally interact, since they were in the Hot and Cold Leagues, respectively. The Sneakers claimed to have never heard of the "Boat Shoes," and proceeded to mock footwear designed specifically for sailboat owners as out-of-touch.

Boat Shoes Trademark Attempts

The San Francisco Boat Shoes continued efforts to interact with the Sneakers via social media, and were subsequently blocked.

The Boat Shoes began to attempt to get attention through legal avenues. They started by trademarking the "Fresh Footwear Crown" as part of a merchandising effort, and sent a team of lawyers to Seattle to negotiate a cut of profits with the Sneakers. The lawyers were unable to find the main offices of the Sneakers using the intentionally incorrect directions provided by the Sneakers, and the deal fell through.

The Boat Shoes then attempted to trademark the "Fresh Kicks Crown" as part of another merchandising effort. The Boat Shoes sent a bounty hunter instead of a team of lawyers the second time around.

Realizing they were out of their depth, the Seattle Sneakers reached out to the Jersey OSHA Violations for legal help. The OSHA Violations were no friends of the Boat Shoes after the events of the Season 3 Fixing Scandal). With help from the OSHA Violations, the Sneakers were able to successfully challenge the "Fresh Kicks Crown" trademark claims of the Boat Shoes in court.

Fresh Kicks Crown

Main: Fresh Kicks Crown

The Sneakers, playing it cool, spent the entire Hellmouth Cup denying the existence of the San Francisco Boat Shoes , while the Boat Shoes, desperate for the attention of the Sneakers, repeatedly declared they would do everything in their power to meet the Sneakers in the Hellmouth Cup series.

Intern Rekindles Boat Shoes Feud

In Season 11 a social media intern for the Seattle Sneakers posted from a team account that "boat shoes are stupid" and "who needs special shoes just to walk on a boat? lol"

The post gathered intense interest and had several hundred thousand likes within 24 hours. The social media intern was rapidly promoted to Assistant General Manager of the Seattle Sneakers.

Fresh Kicks Crown Revived

In Season 16 the Phoenix Freshrolls joined the Golly league as an expansion team. The Seattle Sneakers posted on social media that they thought the Freshrolls toilet paper logo was "fresh" and the post received several hundred thousand likes within 24 hours.

The Sneakers and Freshrolls entered into an anti-rivalry, which the Sneakers suggested they call the "Fresh Kicks Crown". The Freshrolls eagerly agreed, and the entire anti-rivalry was already well-established by the time the Boat Shoes heard about it. The Boat Shoes were incensed, and complained loudly on social media in the hopes the Sneakers would see it, but the Sneakers never saw it because they had blocked the Boat Shoes a long time ago.

Season by Season Summary

Hellmouth Cup Summary

• In Season 1 the Seattle Sneakers were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Season 4 the Seattle Sneakers were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Baltimore Texas 2-3.
• In Season 7 the Seattle Sneakers were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 1-3.
• In Season 8 the Seattle Sneakers were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They swept the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Baltimore Texas 3-2 in the Cold League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Alewife Arsonists , 1-4.
• In Season 11 the Seattle Sneakers were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Baltimore Texas 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 1-3.
• In Season 13 the Seattle Sneakers were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Elko Astronauts 2-3.
• In Season 15 the Seattle Sneakers were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Season 21 the Seattle Sneakers were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 1-3.
• In Season 22 the Seattle Sneakers were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Baltimore Texas 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Jersey OSHA Violations 3-1 in the Cold League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Orlando Business Majors , 2-4.

Toroidal Cup Summary

• In Toroidal/Season 2 the Seattle Sneakers were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by sweeping the San Diego Balloon Animals 3-0 in the Cold League Championship Series. They were swept in the Toroidal Cup Series by the San Diego Balloon Animals .
• In Toroidal/Season 3 the Seattle Sneakers were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the Elko Astronauts .
• In Toroidal/Season 15 the Seattle Sneakers were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Phoenix Freshrolls 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 18 the Seattle Sneakers were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 20 the Seattle Sneakers were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They swept the Phoenix Freshrolls 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by sweeping the Elko Astronauts 3-0 in the Cold League Championship Series. They became Toroidal Cup champions by defeating the Orlando Business Majors 4-1.

Art

Logos

Seattle Sneakers team logo:

Cup Posters