Difference between revisions of "Baltimore Piano Tuners"
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==Art== | ==Art== |
Revision as of 18:51, 26 December 2022
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The Baltimore Piano Tuners
are a Golly team from Baltimore, Marlyand. They are the offspring of the Cancel Texas Memo and are the humiliated husk of a former team that used to be known, at one time, as the
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
but are now known as the most pathetic pack of cheating losers who ever played a splort. The Baltimore Piano Tuners joined the Golly league in Toroidal/Season 21, and continued on into the Rainbow league in Rainbow/Season 1.
The Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal was a scandal that struck the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
like a bolt of lightning in Toroidal/Season 16. The
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
were unmasked as a pack of cheaters who weren't happy with winning championships the old-fashioned way; they had hacked the engineering division to win the Toroidal/Season 15 championship over the Boot Lickers and were attempting to beat the Boot Lickers again in Toroidal/Season 16. But, as a result of their hubris, they were not only eviscerated by the
Sacramento Boot Lickers
in the Toroidal/Season 16 Toroidal Cup series, they were also punished by the Cancel Texas Memo at the end of Toroidal/Season 20, which forced the
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
to take on the team colors and hometown of their most hated rival, the
Baltimore Texas
, who were incinerated for being incapable of winning a single pennant in 44 seasons, despite countless opportunities.
Baltimore Golly fans, who are widely known as the most polite and civil fans in the entire Golly league, will often shower the Piano Tuners team with garbage, both when the Tuners walk out onto the field, and in the middle of games. The term "Baltimore Piano Tuners fan" is considered an oxymoron, because every Golly fan in Baltimore was raised from childhood to be a diehard Baltimore Texas
fan, and to hate the
Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
with every ounce of their being (as part of the bitter Texas Crown rivalry). Thus, there is no team that Baltimore despises more than its home team, the
Baltimore Piano Tuners
.
The Piano Tuners perform significantly better during away games, thanks to the lack of garbage being thrown at them and the resulting increased visibility.
Team Character
The Piano Tuners are a pack of cheaters who got what was coming to them. What else can be said?
There is, however, one tiny glimmer of hope working in the Piano Tuners' favor, which is that they are in the same Rainbow Cup division as the Detroit Grape Chews
, the only team that is an active Choke Artist (has never made it to a single championship series, ever, like, ever. Zero pennants. Zilch. Nada.)
Revision of the Above Statement
Due to the superb postseason record of the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
, many anticipated that a change of hometown and team colors would not have a significant impact on the Tuners.
Many were wrong.
Ever since the Tuners were forced to take on the hometown and team colors of their bitter rivals and become the Baltimore Piano Tuners
, they have never reached a championship series. They remain one of only two active teams with no appearances in a championship series.
The term for such teams is Choke Artist.
Scientific Debate - Extrinsic Versus Intrinsic
Main: Extrinsic Versus Intrinsic
The Baltimore Piano Tuners have turned out to play an unexpected but important role in the scientific debate over whether Choke Artistry is extrinsic (geographical or environmental, and a fate that can be changed with a change of location) or whether it is intrinsic (an inherent and inescapable personality characteristic). While based in Ft. Worth, the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners
experienced great postseason success (up until they were caught cheating red-handed, anyway; see Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal). But after moving to Baltimore, the
Baltimore Piano Tuners
found themselves unable to reach the championship series and earning Choke Artist status, in addition to the derision of Baltimore.
Scientists consider the Tuners' transformation from postseason posterchild (Ft. Worth) to Choke Artist laughingstock (Baltimore) provides scientific evidence that choke artistry is geographic, and is independent of team composition or chemistry. However, this provides the Piano Tuners with no consolation.
Piano Tuners in the Rainbow Cup
Season by Season Summary
Season-by-Season Summaries for Baltimore Piano Tuners
.
Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Toroidal Cup
{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}
- In Toroidal/Season 22 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Tucson Butchers 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Rainbow Cup
{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}
- In Rainbow/Season 1 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Mobile Wheels and the
Jersey OSHA Violations .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 5 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Fargo Flea Flickers and the
Louisville Illusionists .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 10 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Boylston Boogers and the
Delaware Corporate Shells .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 13 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Alewife Arsonists and the
Louisville Illusionists .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 15 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Mobile Wheels and the
Boylston Boogers .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 17 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers and the
Delaware Corporate Shells .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 22 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Delaware Corporate Shells and the
Louisville Illusionists .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
- In Rainbow/Season 23 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Unwest League.
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Louisville Illusionists and the
Boylston Boogers .
- They were knocked out in the Unwest League Championship Series by the
Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Klein Cup
{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}
- In Klein/Season 1 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
Seattle Sneakers .
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
- In Klein/Season 7 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
San Diego Balloon Animals 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 8 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Salt Lake Turbulence 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 9 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Elko Astronauts 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 12 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
Elko Astronauts 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the
Salt Lake Turbulence 3-4.
- They defeated the
- In Klein/Season 16 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Phoenix Freshrolls 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 17 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
Salt Lake Turbulence 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the
Tucson Butchers 2-4.
- They defeated the
- In Klein/Season 23 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Tucson Butchers 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Klein/Season 24 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Tucson Butchers 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Hellmouth II Cup
{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}
- In Hellmouth II/Season 1 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
- They swept the
Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the
Salt Lake Turbulence 1-4.
- They swept the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 2 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They swept the
Seattle Sneakers 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the
Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-4.
- They swept the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 3 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
Phoenix Freshrolls 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They clinched the pennant by defeating the
Tucson Butchers 4-1 in the Cold League Championship Series.
- They became Hellmouth II Cup champions by defeating the
Fargo Flea Flickers 4-3.
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 4 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Tucson Butchers 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 6 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Salt Lake Turbulence 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 7 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 8 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Long Beach Flightless Birds 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 11 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Tucson Butchers 1-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 12 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
San Diego Balloon Animals 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 13 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
Elko Astronauts .
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 15 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
- They defeated the
Elko Astronauts 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series.
- They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the
Albuquerque Solarpunks .
- They defeated the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 17 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
Long Beach Flightless Birds .
- They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 21 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Seattle Sneakers 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
- In Hellmouth II/Season 24 the Baltimore Piano Tuners were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
- They lost the Cold League Division Series to the
Art
Logo and Branding
Cup Posters
Rainbow Cup Teams |
Unwest League, Cold Division | |
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Unwest League, Northunwest Division | ||
Unwest League, South Division | ||
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West League, Pacific Division | ||
West League, Southwest Division | ||
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