San Francisco Boat Shoes

San Francisco Boat Shoes
"Anchors away!"
Team Information
Name San Francisco Boat Shoes Abbreviation SFBS Primary Color #e7d7c1 Logo    Hometown San Francisco Emoji Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

The San Francisco Boat Shoes are a Golly team from San Francisco, California, and are one of the original 16 Golly teams. The Boat Shoes are the prima donnas of the Golly league, seeing themselves as the leading character in all of the ongoing drama in Golly. Their rivalry with the Sacramento Boot Lickers , the Cali Crown, is considered the most intense rivalry in Golly.

The Boat Shoes hold a number of Golly records and have accomplished many firsts, including:

• most Hellmouth Cup championships (6)
• most Hellmouth Cup championship appearances (7)
• first team to achieve a Dynasty (three championships in one Cup)
• first team to achieve a Flawless Dynasty (three championships in three attempts)
• first team to achieve a second Dynasty
• first team to achieve a Double Flawless Dynasty (six championships in six attempts)
• first team to achieve two Dynasties in a single Cup (Hellmouth Cup)
• first Hot League pennant winner
• team with the most Hellmouth Cup postseason victories all-time (30, which is 8 more than the runner-up)
• team with the highest postseason winning percentage all-time (55%)
• only Golly team in any Cup to have a postseason winning percentage over 50%
• team with the longest winning streak (14 wins, Hellmouth Cup Season 20)
• last team to win a championship when the fix was in (see Season 3/Fixing Scandal)

Part of the marvel of the Boat Shoes is that their incredible performance in the postseason stands in marked contrast to their completely mediocre performance during the regular season.

Season 8 Seattle Sneakers Rivalry or Anti-Rivalry

During Season 8 the Boat Shoes reportedly became obsessed with the meteoric rise of the Seattle Sneakers and became intensely jealous of the attention the Sneakers received during their Season 8 playoffs run.

The Boat Shoes submitted trademark paperwork for naming rights to any future Crown rivalry that may develop between the Boat Shoe and the Sneakers should they ever face each other in a Hellmouth Cup, including merchandise rights (a major source of revenue for the Boat Shoes).

In response, the Seattle Sneakers issued a press release claiming to have never heard of the "Boat Shoes" and that any footwear-related teams must have been ripping off the Seattle brand, which reportedly enraged Boat Shoes players.

Disappearance of San Francisco Boat Shoes Fans

Fans of the San Francisco Boat Shoes are known for their loudness and boisterousness and swagger. However, when things go terribly for the San Francisco Boat Shoes, when their season is in flames or they blow it in the Big Game, Boat Shoes fans collectively perform a disappearing act for several weeks. Friends and relatives of Boat Shoes fans sometimes report their relatives and loved ones as missing, resulting in a flood of missing persons reports whenever the Boat Shoes are knocked out of the playoffs or have a particularly bad season.

The unofficial slogan of the San Francisco Boat Shoes fan base is, "When we're winning, you can't stand us. When we're losing, you can't find us." This has become a rallying cry among Boat Shoes fans - when you can find them...

History

The San Francisco Boat Shoes have been in the league since Season 1.

A brief season-by-season summary:

• In Season 1 the Boat Shoes were the #1 Hot League seed, and won the Hot League pennant, but lost to the Long Beach Flightless Birds in the first ever Hellmouth Cup
• In Season 2 the Boat Shoes had a downward slide, setting a record with their Partytime run, reaching partytime in just 43 days.
• In Season 3 the Boat Shoes were the #2 Hot League seed, won the Hot League pennant, and went on to win the Hellmouth Cup series over the Elko Astronauts amid the Season 3 Fixing Scandal. After their championship win the Boat Shoes filed a number of lawsuits against the Golly offices and against other Golly teams, and were the targets of numerous lawsuits, most centered around their Hellmouth Cup champions merchandise, which did not include a stipulated asterisk indicating that their victory was tainted.
• In Season 4 the Boat Shoes took some time to find themselves during a road trip across the United States. They did not make the playoffs. By the time their bitter Cali Crown rivals the Sacramento Boot Lickers had defeated the Long Beach Flightless Birds to take the Hellmouth Cup, the Boat Shoes were deep in the Vermont woods and had no phone reception to get word of the Boot Lickers' victory.
• In Season 5 the Boat Shoes continued to take some time to find themselves, and finished last in the Hot Fire division.
• In Season 6 the Boat Shoes finally found themselves, finishing #2 in the Hot League just behind their division rivals the Detroit Grape Chews . The Boat Shoes knocked out the Orlando Business Majors in the Division Series and the Alewife Arsonists in the Championship Series to take the Hot League pennant. The Boat Shoes defeated the San Diego Balloon Animals in the Hellmouth Cup to achieve their second Hellmouth Cup championship, and their first without an asterisk.
• In Season 8 the Boat Shoes tanked late in the season and did not make the playoffs. They spent most of the postseason insisting on social media that they were not following the Golly postseason but secretly followed every step of the rise of the Seattle Sneakers .
• In Season 9 the Boat Shoes learned how to play Minecraft midway through the season, leading them to spend every waking hour on their Minecraft simulations and causing a long late-season downward slide. The Boat Shoes did not make the playoffs.
• In Season 10 the Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League, but were knocked out in the Championship Series by the Milwaukee Flamingos , the eventual Hellmouth Cup champions.
• In Season 12 the Boat Shoes tied the record for longest winning streak with 10 games (Day 42 - Day 48), a feat which had not been accomplished since Season 4. They were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They clinched the Hot League pennant, and went on to defeat the Jersey OSHA Violations in the Hellmouth Cup series, becoming Hellmouth Cup champions for the third time.
• In Season 13 the Boat Shoes were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They were knocked out in the Hot League Championship Series by the Milwaukee Flamingos .
• In Season 16 the Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They were knocked out in the Hot League Division Series by their Cali Crown rivals, the Sacramento Boot Lickers .
• In Season 18 the Boat Shoes were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They clinched the Hot League pennant, and defeated the Long Beach Flightless Birds for their fourth Hellmouth Cup championship and their first victory in the Surf and Turf Series.
• In Season 20 the Boat Shoes set a new record for longest winning streak at 14 games (Day 9 - Day 22). They were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They clinched the Hot League pennant, then swept the Long Beach Flightless Birds in the Hellmouth Cup in the third Surf and Turf Series.
• In Season 21 the Boat Shoes did not make the playoffs. They were the first Hot League team to reach Partytime on Day 47, their first time being first to Partytime since Season 9, when they picked up Minecraft as a hobby.

Artwork

Team Logo

The Artists Union created this logo for the San Francisco Boat Shoes during Season 14:

Season 1 Hellmouth Cup Poster

Season 3 Hellmouth Cup Poster

Season 6 Hellmouth Cup Poster

Season 12 Hellmouth Cup Poster

Season 18 Hellmouth Cup Poster

Season 20 Hellmouth Cup Poster

Season 23 Hellmouth Cup Poster