Detroit Grape Chews

Detroit Grape Chews
"Chews wisely! Chews loudly!"
Team Information
Name Detroit Grape Chews Abbreviation DET Nickname Masters of Choke Primary Color #9963ab Logo    Hometown Detroit Emoji 🍬 Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

The Detroit Grape Chews are a Golly team from Detroit, Michigan. Early in the team's history the Grape Chews were famous for their rivalry with the Milwaukee Flamingos , dubbed the Midwest Crown, but eventually they became famous as the Hot League Choke Artists due to the fact that they have never clinched a pennant or appeared in a Cup series. (The Baltimore Texas were famous as the Cold League Choke Artists).

Team Character

The Detroit Grape Chews have thin skin and have a well-known propensity to start fistfights with strangers or settle arguments with fists. In fact fans of opposing teams will often taunt the Grape Chews on the grid in order to rile up the players, who will then start fistfights on the grid with other players.

Grape Chews are very insecure and have fragile egos. Their inability to perform in high-pressure postseason games is a negative feedback loop: each time they fail to deliver in the postseason, it increases the expectations and pressure for the next appearance. Mounting pressure leads to anxiety and poor performance, which causes them to choke and lose matches, and so the cycle continues.

The arcana of the Grape Chews is the Blasted Tower - the symbol of ambition constructed on faulty premises.

Grape Chews in the Hellmouth Cup

The Big Purple Machine

The Grape Chews had no problems getting to the postseason - they were in the postseason for the first 7 seasons of the Hellmouth Cup. Their consistency in powering through other teams during the regular season earned the team the nickname "Big Purple Machine" - but as season after season went by, and the Grape Chews lost series after series, the "Big Purple Machine" nickname fell out of general use in favor of the more pithy and fitting nickname, "Choke Artists".

Midwest Crown and Rivalry with Milwaukee Flamingos

Main: Midwest Crown

The rivalry between the Detroit Grape Chews and the Milwaukee Flamingos is a long and complicated one. Starting in Season 1 of the Hellmouth Cup, the rivalry was intense and white-hot; it was named as one of the three Crown Jewels of Golly rivalries. On-field fistfights during Grape Chews-Flamingos matches were more intense and resulted in far more injuries than fistfights between the Grape Chews and any other teams.

However, as the Hellmouth Cup progressed, the rivalry became much more one-way, with the Detroit Grape Chews building much of their team identity around the rivalry, but the Milwaukee Flamingos rapidly losing interest in the rivalry. The Flamingos cited a desire to establish their own identity as a benevolent flock of birds, and began to publicly distance themselves from the Grape Chews. (It is a well-known fact that Milwaukee Flamingos players have never gotten into a single fistfight outside of their matches with the Detroit Grape Chews.)

Effect of Valentines Day Series on Rivalry with Detroit Grape Chews

Main: Midwest Love Triangle

(TBD)

Grape Chews in the Toroidal Cup

To Be Or Not To Be

TBA

Grape Chews in the Rainbow Cup

Rivalry with Fargo Flea Flickers

(TBD)

Season by Season Summary

The Grape Chews are an original Golly team and joined the Hellmouth Cup in Season 1.

Hellmouth Cup Summary

A brief season-by-season summary:

• In Season 1 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-3.
• In Season 2 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Orlando Business Majors .
• In Season 3 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 1-3.
• In Season 4 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Season 5 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Season 6 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Alewife Arsonists 1-3.
• In Season 8 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Alewife Arsonists .
• In Season 9 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Orlando Business Majors 1-3.
• In Season 11 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Atlanta Glitter Sharks 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Alewife Arsonists 1-3.
• In Season 14 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Season 15 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 1-3.
• In Season 19 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Alewife Arsonists 2-3.
• In Season 20 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the San Francisco Boat Shoes .
• In Season 21 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Season 22 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Boylston Boogers 2-3.
• In Season 24 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Boylston Boogers .

Toroidal Cup Summary

• In Toroidal/Season 2 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 4 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Boylston Boogers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 9 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Sacramento Boot Lickers .
• In Toroidal/Season 10 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 12 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Orlando Business Majors 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 15 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 16 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 17 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Orlando Business Majors 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 18 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 19 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Orlando Business Majors 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Albuquerque Solarpunks .
• In Toroidal/Season 21 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 23 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Vegas Vampires 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Albuquerque Solarpunks 2-3.