Baltimore Piano Tuners

Baltimore Piano Tuners
"Cheaters Get What Cheaters Deserve!"
Team Information
Name Baltimore Piano Tuners Abbreviation BPT Primary Color #3e92cc Logo    Hometown Baltimore Emoji Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

The Baltimore Piano Tuners are a Golly team from Baltimore, Marlyand. They are the offspring of the Cancel Texas Memo and are the humiliated husk of a former team that used to be known, at one time, as the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners but are now known as the most pathetic pack of cheating losers who ever played a splort.

If you're confused, you may not have heard about the Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal. You see, in Toroidal/Season 16 the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were unmasked as a pack of cheaters who weren't happy with winning championships the old-fashioned way. They hacked the engineering division, and as a result of their hubris, they were not only eviscerated by the Sacramento Boot Lickers in the Toroidal/Season 16 Toroidal Cup series, they were also punished by the Cancel Texas Memo at the end of Toroidal/Season 20, which forced the Piano Tuners to take on the team colors and hometown of their most hated rival, the Baltimore Texas , who were incinerated for being incapable of winning a single pennant in 44 seasons, and despite many, many near-clinches.

Team Character

What else can be said about the Piano Tuners, except that they are a pack of cheaters.

There is, however, one tiny glimmer of hope working in the Piano Tuners' favor, which is that they are in the same Rainbow Cup division as the Detroit Grape Chews , the only team that is an active Choke Artist (has never made it to a single championship series, ever, like, ever. Zero pennants. Zilch. Nada.)

Boot Lickers in the Hellmouth Cup

Season 4 Bankruptcy

After their Season 4 Hellmouth Cup championship victory, the Boot Lickers were plunged into bankruptcy by a series of tragic events that occurred immediately following their first-ever Hellmouth Cup championship win.

Main article: Season 4/Sacramento Boot Lickers Bankruptcy

Season 21 Hellmouth Cup Thank You Card

After being handed a loss in the Season 21 Hellmouth Cup, all of the players on the Boot Lickers pitched in to buy a comically oversized, 6-foot-tall thank-you card, signed by all 120,000 players on the Sacramento Boot Lickers, thanking the Salt Lake Turbulence for beating them in the Hellmouth Cup and congratulating the Turbulence on being the first-ever Golly expansion team to win a Hellmouth Cup championship.

When the card was delivered, the Salt Lake Turbulence had no idea what to do with it. They left it outside the front office for three days while they deliberated. On the third day, they invited a large crowd to the front steps of their team clubhouse and they burned the thank you card in effigy before the crowd. They put out a vague press release citing the spirits of Golly, something about rising from the ashes, invoking some kind of ancestors, and calling the matter done.

Two weeks later, all of the players of the Boot Lickers sent a thank you card to thank the Salt Lake Turbulence for the beautiful ceremony. The Salt Lake Turbulence burned the second thank-you card unceremoniously.

Season by Season Summary

Hellmouth Cup Summary

• In Season 1 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-3.
• In Season 4 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Atlanta Glitter Sharks 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Long Beach Flightless Birds 4-2.
• In Season 5 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Milwaukee Flamingos .
• In Season 7 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 2-3.
• In Season 12 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-3.
• In Season 14 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Boylston Boogers 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They swept the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 4-0 to become Hellmouth Cup champions.
• In Season 16 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Alewife Arsonists 2-3.
• In Season 17 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Orlando Business Majors .
• In Season 19 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Detroit Grape Chews .
• In Season 21 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Salt Lake Turbulence , 2-4.

Toroidal Cup Summary

• In Toroidal/Season 5 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers .
• In Toroidal/Season 7 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the Tucson Butchers , 3-4.
• In Toroidal/Season 8 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Alewife Arsonists 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 9 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Detroit Grape Chews 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 13 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Alewife Arsonists 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Orlando Business Majors 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds , 1-4.
• In Toroidal/Season 15 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners , 2-4.
• In Toroidal/Season 16 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Orlando Business Majors 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Toroidal Cup champions by defeating the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners 4-2.
• In Toroidal/Season 21 the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the Elko Astronauts , 3-4.

Art

Logo and Branding

When the Sacramento Boot Lickers commissioned an artist to create the team logo, the team could not agree on any ideas for the logo. Whenever anyone suggested an idea, all the other Boot Lickers would chime in that it was the best idea they'd ever heard, and was a stroke of pure genius, and was sure to knock everyone's socks off. After several weeks of this, the artist quit, and the Boot Lickers, left penniless, were forced to ask the Artists Union to create a logo. The logo was created with no input from the team. They think that it's the best.

Cup Posters