Milwaukee Flamingos

Milwaukee Flamingos
"Birds with bad attitudes at high latitudes"
Team Information
Name Milwaukee Flamingos Abbreviation MILF Primary Color #ff66cc Logo    Hometown Milwaukee Emoji 🍻 Status Active
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The Milwaukee Flamingos are a Golly team from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. They are a benevolent flock of birds who love to gamble, and have an unofficial anti-rival status with every team they have ever played.

As of Toroidal/Season 21, they are the only team to achieve Dynasty status in two separate cups (the Hellmouth Cup and the Toroidal Cup).

Team Character

The Milwaukee Flamingos are legendary throughout the league for their benevolence and splortsmanship. Milwaukee Flamingos are known to be fun, chill, and universally likeable.

Perhaps the most important characteristic of the Flamingos, though, is their love of gambling. When traveling for away games, the Flamingos will book their own hotel and turn the entire hotel into a gigantic multi-room casino. The Milwaukee Flamingos have enough players that they have developed their own economy, interest rates, and loans, so that every player can gamble all of the time.

Flamingos players are also experts in parliamentary rules, and every team function is run according to Robert's Rules of Order. The team had 1,562 parliamentarians in the last team census.

Flamingos in the Hellmouth Cup

Midwest Crown and Rivalry with Detroit Grape Chews

Main: Midwest Crown

The rivalry between the Detroit Grape Chews and the Milwaukee Flamingos is a long and complicated one. Starting in Season 1 of the Hellmouth Cup, the rivalry was intense and white-hot; it was named as one of the three Crown Jewels of Golly rivalries. On-field fistfights during Grape Chews-Flamingos matches were more intense and resulted in far more injuries than fistfights between the Grape Chews and any other teams.

However, as the Hellmouth Cup progressed, the rivalry became much more one-way, with the Detroit Grape Chews building much of their team identity around the rivalry, but the Milwaukee Flamingos rapidly losing interest in the rivalry. The Flamingos cited a desire to establish their own identity as a benevolent flock of birds, and began to publicly distance themselves from the Grape Chews. (It is a well-known fact that Milwaukee Flamingos players have never gotten into a single fistfight outside of their matches with the Detroit Grape Chews.)

Season 9 Snowbird Series and Anti-Rivalry with Tucson Butchers

In Season 9 the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers faced off in the Hellmouth Cup in a cup series that was nicknamed the "Snowbird Series," for the large number of snowbirds that flock from Milwaukee to Tucson for a warmer winter. Nearly instantaneously, the Flamingos and Butchers developed a hot, messy anti-rivalry that would become a powerful influence on both teams' personalities and history.

Season 10 Valentines Day Series and Continuing Anti-Rivalry with Butchers

After establishing a hot, messy anti-rivalry in Season 9's Hellmouth Cup series, the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers had many unresolved storylines and tangled loose ends in their newly budding anti-rivalry. Working feverishly toward that end, both teams spent Season 10 with a singular focus on making it to the Hellmouth Cup. The two teams met in their second cup series on Valentine's Day, forever cementing them as the Lovers of Golly.

Initial configuration for "The Lovers Embrace," which set a record for the longest Golly match in history.
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"The Lovers Embrace" after 5,461 generations. Despite being the obvious losers the Milwaukee Flamingos kept teasing the Tucson Butchers for another 2,000 generations.
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The Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series between the Tucson Butchers and Milwaukee Flamingos was nicknamed the "Valentine's Day Series" because it took place on Valentine's Day, because the red/pink color scheme, and because during the Season 9 Hellmouth Cup series, which also featured the Butchers vs the Flamingos, the two teams had developed an anti-rivalry and resolved to meet again in the Hellmouth Cup soon.

This Hellmouth Cup series forms the first X (Season 10, or X) of the Triple X.

Game 1 became notable because, in addition to setting a record for longest game, the Butchers and Flamingos spent most of Game 1 making out, causing most viewers to lose interest in the series altogether, and making Season 10 the least-watched postseason series in Golly history.

The Lovers Embrace

The Lovers Embrace is a nickname given to Game 1 of the Hellmouth Cup b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee, when the Tucson Butchers and Milwaukee Flamingos were reunited after a season apart. The game set a record for the longest Hellmouth Cup series match in history (7,255 generations - see Records/Length/Hellmouth#Longest Postseason Games in Hellmouth Cup).

The game took place on the Underground Cave Complex map. The Tucson Butchers dominated the grid early, which freed them up to spend most of the rest of the match making out with the Milwaukee Flamingos. By the end of the match, most fans had left, and those that remained were booing the umpires; no one could understand why the umpires took so long to declare the match over.

The Flamingos' Flawless Dynasty

With their back-to-back victories in the Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series, the Flamingos established their franchise's first Flawless Dyansty and the second Flawless Dynasty in Golly history.

Effect of Valentines Day Series on Rivalry with Detroit Grape Chews

Main: Midwest Love Triangle

The Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup and the messy, complicated anti-rivalry between the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers is credited by many historians and psychoanalysts with being one of the principal causes that contributed to the Detroit Grape Chews becoming the Hot League Choke Artists and failing to make it to a final Cup series during their entire history.

The Grape Chews' inability to clinch a Hot League pennant and make it to a single cup game during their entire history was attributed to a combination of overperforming to show off for the Flamingos (which put them in the postseason often) and the tendency to choke in clutch situations, resulting in repeated postseason disappointment for the Grape Chews.

A public statement shortly after the Season 10 Hellmouth Cup by the Tucson Butchers (in response to a reporter's question about the Detroit Grape Chews ) said the Grape Chews were artificially-created globs of manufactured flavor, while Butchers and Flamingos were real, visceral flesh and blood. The Big Purple Machine nickname was never given to a Grape Chews team after Season 10, leading many to interpret the statement as marking the symbolic end of the Grape Chews' Big Purple Machine era.

Flamingos in the Toroidal Cup

First Multi-Cup Dynasty

The Milwaukee Flamingos established themselves early as a strong Toroidal Cup team. Unlike the San Francisco Boat Shoes , who decided that they had already cemented their reputation as the greatest team of all time and were checked out for most of the Toroidal Cup, the Flamingos established themselves again as a Dynasty - making the Flamingos the first team to establish a Flawless Dynasty in two Cups (the Hellmouth Cup and the Toroidal Cup).

The Dynasty Detroit Built

The Milwaukee Flamingos earned a Toroidal Cup Dynasty by winning the Toroidal championship title in Toroidal/Season 2, Toroidal/Season 10, and Toroidal/Season 17. In all 3 seasons, the Flamingos defeated the Detroit Grape Chews to clinch the Hot League pennant.

This has led to a nickname for the Toroidal Cup dynasty established by the Milwaukee Flamingos: the Dynasty Detroit Built.

The Championships the Butchers Gave Away

In Toroidal/Season 10 and again in Toroidal/Season 17 the Milwaukee Flamingos won championships over the Tucson Butchers , sealing their second Flawless Dynasty. Many critics noted that this mirrored events of the Hellmouth Cup, in which the Tucson Butchers also lost twice to the Flamingos, setting them up for their first Flawless Dynasty.

The controversy over the Flamingos winning four of their six championships by beating their anti-rivals raised questions about conflict of interest. The Tucson Butchers was suspected of throwing matches to help their anti-rivals achieve a Dynasty - if so, what did they receive in exchange?

The Commissioner's Office opened an investigation into the matter shortly after the Flamingos won their Season 17 Toroidal Cup championship.

Secret Shotgun Marriage

With the opening of an investigation, the Flamingos faced the possible revocation of two Flawless Dyanasties, incineration, and worse - eternal humiliation. It was serious, so the Milwaukee Flamingos lawyered up.

The first and most important advice the Flamingos legal team gave was for the Flamingos to immediately marry the Tucson Butchers in a shotgun wedding in Las Vegas. Getting married allowed the two teams to claim spousal privilege during the investigation, significantly hindering its progress. However, the marriage was kept secret for fear of confirming everyone's suspicions about the Butchers throwing the championship for their spouse, the Flamingos.

Marriage Goes Public

In Toroidal/Season 20, the Commissioner's Office made several important announcements:

• Announcement of the formation of the Rainbow Cup, with teams from the Toroidal Cup league
• Announcement of the infamous Cancel Texas Memo in which the Commissioner doomed the Baltimore Texas to be incinerated, and punished the Ft. Worth Piano Tuners to take on the hometown and team colors of their bitter rivals, thus creating the Baltimore Piano Tuners
• Announcement of the marriage of the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers

Controversy over Flamingos Dynasties

The announcement of the secret shotgun wedding between the Flamingos and Butchers in Las Vegas was met with public shock and outrage. Many fans, journalists, and commentators called for greater transparency and scrutiny of potential conflicts of interest.

While much of the criticism was aimed at the Flamingos and Butchers, most agreed the real problem was lack of accountability from the Commissioner. The Commissioner's only public statement was to state that the Commissioner would not be making a public statement on the matter, ever.

Fallout from Lawsuit

PR experts agreed that the public announcement of the marriage by the Commissioner's Office, and the subsequent refusal to comment on the matter, was an admission that the impenetrable legal defenses of the Milwaukee Flamingos legal team, together with the ingenious legal maneuver of the shotgun marriage, had successfully scuttled the investigation.

Shortly after the announcement, Z Division waged a propaganda campaign utilizing memes about Butcher-Flamingo babies that ultimately had no affect on public opinion.

Season by Season Summary

The Flamingos are an original Golly team and joined the Hellmouth Cup in Season 1.

Hellmouth Cup Summary

• In Season 2 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Alewife Arsonists 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Orlando Business Majors 2-3.
• In Season 5 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by sweeping the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-0 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Elko Astronauts , 2-4.
• In Season 7 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Alewife Arsonists .
• In Season 8 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Detroit Grape Chews 2-3.
• In Season 9 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Alewife Arsonists 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Orlando Business Majors 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Tucson Butchers 4-1.
• In Season 10 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Tucson Butchers 4-3.
• In Season 13 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Alewife Arsonists 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by sweeping the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-0 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Elko Astronauts 4-2.
• In Season 15 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Detroit Grape Chews 2-3.
• In Season 21 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Albuquerque Solarpunks 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.

Toroidal Cup Summary

• In Toroidal/Season 2 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They swept the Seattle Sneakers 4-0 to became Toroidal Cup champions.
• In Toroidal/Season 3 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Albuquerque Solarpunks 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 7 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 10 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the San Francisco Boat Shoes 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Toroidal Cup champions by defeating the Tucson Butchers 4-2.
• In Toroidal/Season 12 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Orlando Business Majors .
• In Toroidal/Season 14 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 16 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 17 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Toroidal Cup champions by defeating the Tucson Butchers 4-2.
• In Toroidal/Season 18 the Milwaukee Flamingos were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Orlando Business Majors .

Rainbow Cup Summary

TBA

Art

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Milwaukee Flamingos team logo:

Cup Posters