Difference between revisions of "Baltimore Piano Tuners"

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| name = Baltimore Piano Tuners
 
| name = Baltimore Piano Tuners
 
| abbr = BPT
 
| abbr = BPT
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| nickname = The Cheats
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| color = 3e92cc
 
| color = 3e92cc
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| league = Unwest
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| emoji = 🎹
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| division = Cold
 
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| slogan = Cheaters Get What Cheaters Deserve!
 
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| hometown = Baltimore
 
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| celebrity_mascot = Sad Emoji
 
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| stadium =
 
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| rivals = themselves
 
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| antirivals =
 
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| arcana =  Temperance (XIV)
 
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| arcana_title = Daughter of the Reconcilers
 
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| emoji =  
 
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}}
 
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The '''Baltimore Piano Tuners''' are a Golly team from Baltimore, Marlyand. They are the offspring of the [[Cancel Texas Memo]] and are the humiliated husk of a former team that used to be known, at one time, as the {{CTeam|FWPT}} but are now known as the most pathetic pack of cheating losers who ever played a splort.
 
  
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If you're confused, you may not have heard about the [[Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal]]. You see, in [[Toroidal/Season 16]] the {{CTeam|FWPT}} were unmasked as a pack of cheaters who weren't happy with winning championships the old-fashioned way. They hacked the engineering division, and as a result of their hubris, they were not only eviscerated by the {{CTeam|SAC}} in the [[Toroidal/Season 16]] Toroidal Cup series, they were also punished by the [[Cancel Texas Memo]] at the end of [[Toroidal/Season 20]], which forced the Piano Tuners to take on the team colors and hometown of their most hated rival, the {{CTeam|BTX}}, who were incinerated for being incapable of winning a single pennant in 44 seasons, and despite many, many near-clinches.
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| status = Incinerated
  
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==Team Character==
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| slogan = Cheaters Get What Cheaters Deserve!
 +
| motto = [[Ludum fefellimus sed mortem fallere non potuimus]]<br />(''We cheated the game, but we could not cheat death)
  
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What else can be said about the Piano Tuners, except that they are a pack of cheaters.
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| hometown = Baltimore, MD
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| stadium = The Bottom of the Barrel
  
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There is, however, one tiny glimmer of hope working in the Piano Tuners' favor, which is that they are in the same [[Rainbow Cup]] division as the {{CTeam|DET}}, the only team that is an active [[Choke Artists|Choke Artist]] (has never made it to a single championship series, ever, like, ever. Zero pennants. Zilch. Nada.)
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| crowns =
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* [[Match Made in Hell Crown]] {{TeamLogo|SAC}}
  
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==Boot Lickers in the Hellmouth Cup==
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| mixtape = [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6zGz5uq8fWx5jY4T786rai?si=d030f95fafff4f7d 🎹Baltimore🎹Piano🎹Tuners🎹]
 +
| integer = 8
 +
| movie = Dallas
  
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===Season 4 Bankruptcy===
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| element = Water
 +
| word = Condemned
 +
| playing_card = 8♥
 +
}}
 +
The {{CTeam|BPT}} <s>are</s> were a Golly team from Baltimore, Marlyand. They are the offspring of the [[Cancel Texas Memo]], the humiliated husk of a team that remained from the {{CTeam|FWPT}} after the cheating scandal that led to Texas being Canceled. The Piano Tuners will forever be known as a pack of cheating losers. The Baltimore Piano Tuners joined the Golly league in [[Toroidal/Season 21]], and continued on into the Rainbow league in [[Rainbow/Season 1]].
  
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After their [[Season 4]] [[Hellmouth Cup]] championship victory, the Boot Lickers were plunged into bankruptcy by a series of tragic events that occurred immediately following their first-ever Hellmouth Cup championship win.
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The Baltimore Piano Tuners were incinerated unceremoniously at the conclusion of the [[Hellmouth II Cup]], much to the delight of Baltimore residents.
  
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Main article: [[Season 4/Sacramento Boot Lickers Bankruptcy]]
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==Background==
  
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===Season 21 Hellmouth Cup Thank You Card===
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{{PianoTunersHackingScandalBPTFragment}}
  
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After being handed a loss in the [[Season 21]] [[Hellmouth Cup]], all of the players on the Boot Lickers pitched in to buy a comically oversized, 6-foot-tall thank-you card, signed by all 120,000 players on the Sacramento Boot Lickers, thanking the {{CTeam|SLC}} for beating them in the [[Hellmouth Cup]] and congratulating the Turbulence on being the first-ever Golly expansion team to win a [[Hellmouth Cup]] championship.
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{{BaltimoreGollyFansBPTFragment}}
  
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When the card was delivered, the Salt Lake Turbulence had no idea what to do with it. They left it outside the front office for three days while they deliberated. On the third day, they invited a large crowd to the front steps of their team clubhouse and they burned the thank you card in effigy before the crowd. They put out a vague press release citing the spirits of Golly, something about rising from the ashes, invoking some kind of ancestors, and calling the matter done.
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==Team Character==
  
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Two weeks later, all of the players of the Boot Lickers sent a thank you card to thank the Salt Lake Turbulence for the beautiful ceremony. The Salt Lake Turbulence burned the second thank-you card unceremoniously.
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The [[Cancel Texas Memo]] was brought about as a result of the [[Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal]], in which the Tuners were unmasked as a pack of cheaters. They got what was coming to them by being banished to the hometown of their bitterest rival. What else can be said, except that in this universe, cheaters get what cheaters deserve?
  
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==Boot Lickers in the Toroidal Cup==
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Due to the superb postseason record of the {{CTeam|FWPT}}, many anticipated that a change of hometown and team colors would not have a significant impact on the Tuners.
  
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==Boot Lickers in the Rainbow Cup==
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Many were wrong.
  
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==Season by Season Summary==
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Ever since the Tuners moved to Baltimore after being forced to take on the hometown and team colors of their bitter rivals, they have never reached a Cup series. They remain one of only <s>three</s> four teams with no appearances in a Cup series.
  
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===Hellmouth Cup Summary===
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Thus, the {{CTeam|BPT}} have replaced the {{CTeam|BTX}} as resident [[Choke Artist]]s.
  
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* In [[Season 1]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SFBS}} 2-3.
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===Scientific Debate - Extrinsic Versus Intrinsic===
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* In [[Season 4]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|ATL}} 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|DET}} 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the {{CTeam|LBFB}} 4-2.
 
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* In [[Season 5]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|ORL}} 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the {{CTeam|MILF}}.
 
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* In [[Season 7]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the {{CTeam|DECO}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 12]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SFBS}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 14]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|DET}} 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|BB}} 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They swept the {{CTeam|FWPT}} 4-0 to become Hellmouth Cup champions.
 
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* In [[Season 16]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|SFBS}} 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|AA}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 17]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|SGE}} 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the {{CTeam|ORL}}.
 
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* In [[Season 19]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the {{CTeam|DET}}.
 
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* In [[Season 21]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|DET}} 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|MILF}} 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the {{CTeam|SLC}}, 2-4.
 
  
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===Toroidal Cup Summary===
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{{Main|Extrinsic Versus Intrinsic}}
  
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 5]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They swept the {{CTeam|DECO}} 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the {{CTeam|SGE}}.
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{{BaltimoreExtrinsicIntrinsicFragment}}
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 7]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|MILF}} 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|DECO}} 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the {{CTeam|TB}}, 3-4.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 8]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|SGE}} 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|AA}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 9]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the {{CTeam|DET}} 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|SGE}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 13]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|AA}} 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|ORL}} 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the {{CTeam|LBFB}}, 1-4.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 15]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|SFBS}} 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|DET}} 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the {{CTeam|FWPT}}, 2-4.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 16]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the {{CTeam|ORL}} 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|MILF}} 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Toroidal Cup champions by defeating the {{CTeam|FWPT}} 4-2.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 21]] the Sacramento Boot Lickers were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the {{CTeam|ORL}} 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the {{CTeam|DET}} 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Toroidal Cup Series to the {{CTeam|EA}}, 3-4.
 
  
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==Art==
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===Final Conclusion of Extrinsic vs Intrinsic Debate===
  
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===Logo and Branding===
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{{FinalConclusionExtrinsicIntrinsicFragment}}
  
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When the Sacramento Boot Lickers commissioned an artist to create the team logo, the team could not agree on any ideas for the logo. Whenever anyone suggested an idea, all the other Boot Lickers would chime in that it was the best idea they'd ever heard, and was a stroke of pure genius, and was sure to knock everyone's socks off. After several weeks of this, the artist quit, and the Boot Lickers, left penniless, were forced to ask the [[Artists Union]] to create a logo. The logo was created with no input from the team. They think that it's the best.
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==Piano Tuners in the Rainbow Cup==
  
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[[Image:SAC_Logo.png|400px]]
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==Season by Season Summary==
  
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===Cup Posters===
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{{SeasonBySeason BPT}}
  
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[[Image:Season4_HellmouthCup_Poster.png|500px]]
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==Art==
  
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[[Image:Season14_HellmouthCup_Poster.png|500px]]
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===Logo and Branding===
  
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[[Image:Season21_HellmouthCup_Poster.png|500px]]
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===Cup Posters===
  
 
==Navboxes==
 
==Navboxes==
  
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{{Navbox golly teams}}
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{{Navbox rainbow teams}}
 +
 
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{{Navbox klein teams}}
  
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{{Navbox rainbow teams}}
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{{BPTTeamCategories}}

Latest revision as of 21:44, 22 November 2025

Baltimore Piano Tuners
Baltimore Piano Tuners logo
"Cheaters Get What Cheaters Deserve!"
Team Information
Name Baltimore Piano Tuners
Abbreviation BPT
Nickname The Cheats
Primary Color #3e92cc
Logo  BPT.png 
Hometown Baltimore, MD
Stadium The Bottom of the Barrel
Emoji 🎹
Status Incinerated
Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Mixtape 🎹Baltimore🎹Piano🎹Tuners🎹
Integer 8
Movie Dallas
Divination
Element Water
Power Word Condemned
Card 8♥
Motto
Ludum fefellimus sed mortem fallere non potuimus
(We cheated the game, but we could not cheat death)
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners are were a Golly team from Baltimore, Marlyand. They are the offspring of the Cancel Texas Memo, the humiliated husk of a team that remained from the FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners after the cheating scandal that led to Texas being Canceled. The Piano Tuners will forever be known as a pack of cheating losers. The Baltimore Piano Tuners joined the Golly league in Toroidal/Season 21, and continued on into the Rainbow league in Rainbow/Season 1.

The Baltimore Piano Tuners were incinerated unceremoniously at the conclusion of the Hellmouth II Cup, much to the delight of Baltimore residents.

Background

The Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal was a scandal that struck the FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners like a bolt of lightning in Toroidal/Season 16. The FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners were unmasked as a pack of cheaters who weren't happy with winning championships the old-fashioned way; they had hacked the engineering division to win the Toroidal/Season 15 championship over the Boot Lickers and were attempting to beat the Boot Lickers again in Toroidal/Season 16. But, as a result of their hubris, they were not only eviscerated by the SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers in the Toroidal/Season 16 Toroidal Cup series, they were also punished by the Cancel Texas Memo at the end of Toroidal/Season 20, which forced the FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners to take on the team colors and hometown of their most hated rival, the BTX.png Baltimore Texas , who were incinerated for being incapable of winning a single pennant in 44 seasons, despite countless opportunities.

Baltimore Golly fans, who are widely known as the most polite and civil fans in the entire Golly league, will often shower the Piano Tuners team with garbage, both when the Tuners walk out onto the field, and in the middle of games. The term "Baltimore Piano Tuners fan" is considered an oxymoron, because every Golly fan in Baltimore was raised from childhood to be a diehard BTX.png Baltimore Texas fan, and to hate the FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners with every ounce of their being (as part of the bitter Texas Crown rivalry). Thus, there is no team that Baltimore despises more than its home team, the BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners .

The Piano Tuners perform significantly better during away games, thanks to the lack of garbage being thrown at them and the resulting increased visibility.

Team Character

The Cancel Texas Memo was brought about as a result of the Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal, in which the Tuners were unmasked as a pack of cheaters. They got what was coming to them by being banished to the hometown of their bitterest rival. What else can be said, except that in this universe, cheaters get what cheaters deserve?

Due to the superb postseason record of the FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners , many anticipated that a change of hometown and team colors would not have a significant impact on the Tuners.

Many were wrong.

Ever since the Tuners moved to Baltimore after being forced to take on the hometown and team colors of their bitter rivals, they have never reached a Cup series. They remain one of only three four teams with no appearances in a Cup series.

Thus, the BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners have replaced the BTX.png Baltimore Texas as resident Choke Artists.

Scientific Debate - Extrinsic Versus Intrinsic

Main: Extrinsic Versus Intrinsic

The Baltimore Piano Tuners have turned out to play an unexpected but important role in the scientific debate over whether Choke Artistry is extrinsic (geographical or environmental, and a fate that can be changed with a change of location) or whether it is intrinsic (an inherent and inescapable personality characteristic). While based in Ft. Worth, the FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners experienced great postseason success (up until they were caught cheating red-handed, anyway; see Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal). But after moving to Baltimore, the BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners found themselves unable to reach the championship series and earning Choke Artist status, in addition to the derision of Baltimore.

Scientists consider the Tuners' transformation from postseason posterchild (Ft. Worth) to Choke Artist laughingstock (Baltimore) provides scientific evidence that choke artistry is geographic, and is independent of team composition or chemistry. However, this provides the Piano Tuners with no consolation.

Final Conclusion of Extrinsic vs Intrinsic Debate

The BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners finally ended the Intrinsic vs Extrinsic debate by breaking the Choke Artist curse in Hellmouth II/Season 3, reaching the Hellmouth II Cup series, and winning it all.

By winning a championship in Baltimore, the BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners proved that the geographic location of Baltimore is not cursed. Rather, it the BTX.png Baltimore Texas in particular that is cursed.

With the Intrinsic vs Extrinsic debate concluded, the BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners were incinerated and replaced with the BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II for greater entertainment value.

Piano Tuners in the Rainbow Cup

Season by Season Summary

Season-by-Season Summaries for BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners .

Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Toroidal Cup

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph BPT.png

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}


Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Rainbow Cup

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph BPT.png

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}


Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Klein Cup

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph BPT.png

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}


Baltimore Piano Tuners in the Hellmouth II Cup

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph BPT.png

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BPT}}


Art

Logo and Branding

Cup Posters

Navboxes

Rainbow Cup Teams

Rainbow Cup logo

Rainbow Cup
Teams 		Unwest League, Cold Division

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners

Unwest League, Northunwest Division

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

Unwest League, South Division

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

ORL.png Orlando Business Majors

LIL.png Louisville Illusionists

MW.png Mobile Wheels

West League, Mountain Division

EA.png Elko Astronauts

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

GJC.png Grand Junction Conjunctions

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

West League, Pacific Division

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

VV.png Vegas Vampires

West League, Southwest Division

TB.png Tucson Butchers

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox rainbow teams   •   edit


Klein League Teams

Klein Cup logo

Klein Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox klein teams   •   edit
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