San Francisco Boat Shoes

San Francisco Boat Shoes
"Anchors away!"
Team Information
Name San Francisco Boat Shoes Abbreviation SFBS Primary Color #e7d7c1 Logo    Hometown San Francisco Emoji Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
Favorites
Divination
Motto
Template:Infobox team   •   edit

The San Francisco Boat Shoes are a Golly team from San Francisco, California, and are one of the original 16 Golly teams. The Boat Shoes are the prima donnas of the Golly league, seeing themselves as the leading character in all of the ongoing drama in Golly. Their rivalry with the Sacramento Boot Lickers , the Cali Crown, is considered the most intense rivalry in Golly.

The Boat Shoes hold a number of Golly records and have accomplished many firsts, including:

• most Hellmouth Cup championships (6)
• most Hellmouth Cup championship appearances (7)
• first team to achieve a Dynasty (three championships in one Cup)
• first team to achieve a Flawless Dynasty (three championships in three attempts)
• first team to achieve a second Dynasty
• first team to achieve a Double Flawless Dynasty (six championships in six attempts)
• first team to achieve two Dynasties in a single Cup (Hellmouth Cup)
• first Hot League pennant winner
• team with the most Hellmouth Cup postseason victories all-time (30, which is 8 more than the runner-up)
• team with the highest postseason winning percentage all-time (55%)
• only Golly team in any Cup to have a postseason winning percentage over 50%
• team with the longest winning streak (14 wins, Hellmouth Cup Season 20)
• last team to win a championship when the fix was in (see Season 3/Fixing Scandal)

Part of the marvel of the Boat Shoes is that their incredible performance in the postseason stands in marked contrast to their completely mediocre performance during the regular season.

Team Character

Disappearance of San Francisco Boat Shoes Fans

Fans of the San Francisco Boat Shoes are known for their loudness and boisterousness and swagger. However, when things go terribly for the San Francisco Boat Shoes, when their season is in flames or they blow it in the Big Game, Boat Shoes fans collectively perform a disappearing act for several weeks. Friends and relatives of Boat Shoes fans sometimes report their relatives and loved ones as missing, resulting in a flood of missing persons reports whenever the Boat Shoes are knocked out of the playoffs or have a particularly bad season.

The unofficial slogan of the San Francisco Boat Shoes fan base is, "When we're winning, you can't stand us. When we're losing, you can't find us." This has become a rallying cry among Boat Shoes fans - when you can find them...

Boat Shoes in the Hellmouth Cup

Season 8 Seattle Sneakers Rivalry or Anti-Rivalry

During Season 8 the Boat Shoes reportedly became obsessed with the meteoric rise of the Seattle Sneakers and became intensely jealous of the attention the Sneakers received during their Season 8 playoffs run.

The Boat Shoes submitted trademark paperwork for naming rights to any future Crown rivalry that may develop between the Boat Shoe and the Sneakers should they ever face each other in a Hellmouth Cup, including merchandise rights (a major source of revenue for the Boat Shoes).

In response, the Seattle Sneakers issued a press release claiming to have never heard of the "Boat Shoes" and that any footwear-related teams must have been ripping off the Seattle brand, which reportedly enraged Boat Shoes players.

Boat Shoes in the Toroidal Cup

One Point Causes the Decline and Fall of the San Francisco Boat Shoes

While the downfall of the San Francisco Boat Shoes may seem inevitable after the fact, it was not a foregone conclusion, with the Boat Shoes making a solid showing in Toroidal/Season 6 to make it to the Toroidal Cup and then defeat the Elko Astronauts . However, after a string of over a dozen Toroidal Cup seasons where the Boat Shoes either didn't make the postseason at all, or were knocked out before they could make it to the final Cup Series, the Boat Shoes were desperate. Even their postseason performances were anemic.

The Toroidal/Season 15 League Division Series featured the long and bitter Boat Shoes-Boot Lickers rivalry, the Cali Crown. Going into the series, many commentators said it was the single most important series in the history of the Boat Shoes franchise. The outcome of the series would come to define both teams, and would ensnare the Boot Lickers in the Piano Tuners Hacking Scandal while definitively depositing the San Francisco Boat Shoes franchise reputation in the trash can.

The series went back and forth, ending up tied up at 2-2. In Game 5 ( 0fe0cbc8-adaf-4c27-84bc-6ea2fa720870), the deciding game of the series, the Boot Lickers shocked the Boat Shoes and the world by winning the game by a single point, 159-158.

The Boat Shoes' Season 15 Division Series loss to the Boot Lickers marked the beginning of a downward slide for the Boat Shoes in the Toroidal Cup.

Season by Season Summary

Hellmouth Cup Summary

A brief season-by-season summary:

• In Season 1 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They lost the Hellmouth Cup Series to the Long Beach Flightless Birds , 2-4.
• In Season 3 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Atlanta Glitter Sharks 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Detroit Grape Chews 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Elko Astronauts 4-3. The Boat Shoes wion the championship amid the Season 3 Fixing Scandal. After their championship win the Boat Shoes filed a number of lawsuits against the Golly offices and against other Golly teams, and were the targets of numerous lawsuits, most centered around their Hellmouth Cup champions merchandise, which did not include a stipulated asterisk indicating that their victory was tainted.
• In Season 4 the Boat Shoes took some time to find themselves during a road trip across the United States. They did not make the playoffs. By the time their bitter Cali Crown rivals the Sacramento Boot Lickers had defeated the Long Beach Flightless Birds to take the Hellmouth Cup, the Boat Shoes were deep in the Vermont woods and had no phone reception to get word of the Boot Lickers' victory.
• In Season 6 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Alewife Arsonists 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the San Diego Balloon Animals 4-1.
• In Season 8 the Boat Shoes tanked late in the season and did not make the playoffs. They spent most of the postseason insisting on social media that they were not following the Hellmouth Cup postseason, but secretly followed every step of the rise of the Seattle Sneakers .
• In Season 9 the Boat Shoes learned how to play Minecraft midway through the season, leading them to spend every waking hour on their Minecraft simulations and causing a long late-season downward slide. The Boat Shoes did not make the playoffs.
• In Season 10 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Atlanta Glitter Sharks 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Season 12 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Orlando Business Majors 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Jersey OSHA Violations 4-3.
• In Season 13 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Orlando Business Majors 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Milwaukee Flamingos .
• In Season 16 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Season 18 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Albuquerque Solarpunks 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Boylston Boogers 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Long Beach Flightless Birds 4-2. This wass their record fourth Hellmouth Cup championship and their first victory in the Surf and Turf Series.
• In Season 20 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Detroit Grape Chews 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Albuquerque Solarpunks 3-1 in the Hot League Championship Series. They swept the Long Beach Flightless Birds 4-0 in the third Surf and Turf Series, to become Hellmouth Cup champions.
• In Season 24 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by sweeping the Boylston Boogers 3-0 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Hellmouth Cup champions by defeating the Salt Lake Turbulence 4-2.

Toroidal Cup Summary

• In Toroidal/Season 1 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Alewife Arsonists 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 6 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They clinched the pennant by defeating the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Championship Series. They became Toroidal Cup champions by defeating the Elko Astronauts 4-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 10 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 11 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Boylston Boogers 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 14 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Boylston Boogers .
• In Toroidal/Season 15 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 24 the San Francisco Boat Shoes were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers .

Artwork

Team Logo

The Artists Union created this logo for the San Francisco Boat Shoes during Season 14:

Cup Posters