Jersey OSHA Violations

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Jersey OSHA Violations
Jersey OSHA Violations logo
"Safety third!"
Team Information
Name Jersey OSHA Violations
Abbreviation OSHA
Nickname Jersey
Primary Color #53917e
Secondary Color #f0f0f0
Logo  OSHA.png 
Hometown Jersey
Stadium Wawa
Emoji 🚫
Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Mixtape 🚫Jersey🚫OSHA🚫Violations🚫
Integer 201, and 609
Movie The Dark Knight
Divination
Element Fire
Power Word Lawyer
Card 2♠
Motto
Post tenebras spero lucem
(After darkness, I hope for light)
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations are a Golly team from New Jersey. They are not from Chicago. Generally regarded as lawyers, though nothing about them suggests formal training in the law, the Jersey OSHA Violations love rules, procedures, and finding loopholes. They are best friends with the SS.png Seattle Sneakers .

The Jersey OSHA Violations experienced a championship drought for their first 48 seasons of existence (the Hellmouth Cup and Toroidal Cup) due to the Curse of the Silly Goat. This curse, caused by their stadium being built on the site of a former petting zoo and haunted by the perturbed spirit of a theoretical non-Euclidean goat, led to "goat in the machine" glitches during matches, striking the OSHA Violations at the most critical moments. They overcame the curse in the Klein Cup, and established the team's only dynasty in the Klein Cup.

The Jersey OSHA Violations have a tradition of getting blackout drunk before playoffs games. This has led to the use of the term Jersey Courage to refer to courage gained from intoxication with alcohol. The Jersey OSHA Violations also have a tradition of smoking copious amounts of marijuana during "team safety" meetings. This has led to the use of the term Safety Meeting for marijuana smoking sessions for the collective.

Hellmouth Cup

History

Jersey Legal Team

While it is not their principal claim to fame, the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations have a world-class legal team of experienced and credentialed lawyers. Accidental Dismemberment, a famous Hellmouth trial lawyer, is the team's lead counsel, and offers legal consulting for other Golly teams in any effort to erode the power of the Commissioner's Office.

During the Hellmouth Cup Season 3 Fixing Scandal, the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team did pro bono work representing the Golly Players Union in their bid for the right to retire.

The events of the Season 3 Fixing Scandal and subsequent drought of postseason appearances by the OSHA Violations have led some fans to speculate that the Jersey OSHA Violations had a hex placed on their database entries by the Golly Legal Office in retaliation for the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team's pro bono work. However, most fans readily acknowledged that the real reason the Jersey OSHA Violations struggled in the postseason is because they kind of sucked.

Anti-Rivalry with Seattle Sneakers

The SS.png Seattle Sneakers and OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations initially bonded during the Hellmouth Cup through their mutual interest in legal action against the SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes . The two teams became fast friends, soon discovering they also share a hobby of pushing the limits of what is possible for the human body to endure, both physically and psychologically. They established an official anti-rivalry, dubbed the Highwire Crown.

Players from the OSHA Violations and Seattle Sneakers routinely go on team outings to participate in such extreme splorts as:

  • base jumping without a parachute
  • skydiving without a plane
  • upside-down tightrope walking
  • jump-off-a-cliff-and-dive-or-maybe-die
  • fire-breathing
  • tire-eating
  • burning-tire-fire-eating
  • taco sword-swallowing

Members of the OSHA Violations legal team are avid sneakerheads, and will get hot tips from the Seattle Sneakers when exclusive sneaker releases drop; in exchange, the OSHA Violations legal team provides free legal consults for the Sneakers.

Jersey in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

  • In Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 48.
  • In Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
  • In Season 3 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 47.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 11 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
  • In Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 15 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 43.
  • In Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Season 21 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 23 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.


Promotional Posters

Season12 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Toroidal Cup

History

Jersey in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season

Chart

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Rainbow Cup

History

Curse of the Silly Goat

The Curse of the Silly Goat refers to a curse that affected the Jersey OSHA Violations for the first 48 seasons of their existence, the entirety of the Hellmouth Cup and Toroidal Cup.

The Jersey OSHA Violations stadium was built on the site of a former petting zoo. The main attraction at the former petting zoo was a theoretical, non-Euclidean goat, which was purely conceptual. However, when the petting zoo was shut down, the goat was never set loose, and when the stadium was built on the site, the perturbed non-Euclidean goat spirit began to cause "goat in the machine" glitches during matches. These tended to strike the OSHA Violations at their most crucial moments, creating a long string of heartbreaks.

The curse was finally broken in Rainbow/Season 1, for reasons that are still poorly understood.

Curse removal theories include:

  • The Möbius Fence: A 14-year-old fan of both the OSHA Violations and the philosopher Martin Heidegger published a research paper with a mathematical proof that a "conceptual goat" could be pacified by the "concept" of a three-sided fence. During Rainbow Cup postseason matches at the OSHA Violations stadium, several fans positioned themselves at mathematically precise focal points around the arena. One fan held a sign saying "This is one side of the fence." The second held up another sign that said "This is the second side of the fence." The third held up a sign that said "This is the final side of the fence." The conceptual fence, which may have been missing a side, or may have had an extra side, trapped the conceptual "goat in the machine" in the machine, and the paradox rendered it unable to interfere with matches, allowing the OSHA Violations to finally win.
  • Goat's Goodbye: Spotting an opportunity to break the curse early in Season 1 of the Rainbow Cup, the team hired a Goat Trainer to work with the non-Euclidean goat and develop several "trick plays" that would utilize the goat. It is speculated that the OSHA Violations practiced these trick plays repeatedly throughout the season, all while maintaining a protocol of absolute secrecy. In the final seconds of the final match of the Rainbow Cup series, the OSHA Violations attempted to execute their trick play to outmaneuver the MW.png Mobile Wheels , which would have failed because the haunted spirit of the non-Euclidean silly goat had disappeared sometime during the final match, except the OSHA Violations executed it incorrectly, which caused the trick play to succeed. Commotion broke out on the grid, and when the dust had settled, the OSHA Violations had clinched the Rainbow Cup by a single Rainbow.

First Ever Franchise Championship

In Rainbow/Season 1 the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations defied the odds, being ranked as underdogs in every postseason series they were in, to gain eternal glory as the first-ever Rainbow Cup champions. The championship victory snapped a 48-season championship drought brought on by the Curse of the Silly Goat.

Jersey in the Rainbow Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Klein Cup

History

Jersey in the Klein Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth II Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth II Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth III Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth IV Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth IV Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth V Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth V Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth VI Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth VI Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Art

The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:

OSHAViolations Logo.png

Posters

The following poster was commissioned by the Artists Union after the OSHA Violations made it to the Hellmouth Cup series in Season 12 to face off against the San Francisco Boat Shoes.

OSHA Poster OSH.png

Navboxes

Hellmouth V League Teams

Hellmouth IV Cup logo

Hellmouth V Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
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