Detroit Grape Chews

Detroit Grape Chews
"Chews wisely! Chews loudly!"
Team Information
Name Detroit Grape Chews Abbreviation DET Nickname Masters of Choke Primary Color #9963ab Logo    Hometown Detroit Emoji 🍬 Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
None
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Motto
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The Detroit Grape Chews are a Golly team from Detroit, Michigan. Early in the team's history the Grape Chews were famous for their rivalry with the Milwaukee Flamingos , dubbed the Midwest Crown, but eventually they became famous as the Hot League Choke Artists due to the fact that they have never clinched a pennant or appeared in a Cup series. (The Baltimore Texas were famous as the Cold League Choke Artists).

Team Character

The Detroit Grape Chews have thin skin and have a well-known propensity to start fistfights with strangers or settle arguments with fists. In fact fans of opposing teams will often taunt the Grape Chews on the grid in order to rile up the players, who will then start fistfights on the grid with other players.

Grape Chews are very insecure and have fragile egos. Their inability to perform in high-pressure postseason games is a negative feedback loop: each time they fail to deliver in the postseason, it increases the expectations and pressure for the next appearance. Mounting pressure leads to anxiety and poor performance, which causes them to choke and lose matches, and so the cycle continues.

The arcana of the Grape Chews is the Blasted Tower - the symbol of ambition constructed on faulty premises.

Grape Chews in the Hellmouth Cup

The Big Purple Machine

The Grape Chews had no problems getting to the postseason - they were in the postseason for the first 7 seasons of the Hellmouth Cup. Their consistency in powering through other teams during the regular season earned the team the nickname "Big Purple Machine" - but as season after season went by, and the Grape Chews lost series after series, the "Big Purple Machine" nickname fell out of general use in favor of the more pithy and fitting nickname, "Choke Artists".

Midwest Crown and Rivalry with Milwaukee Flamingos

Main: Midwest Crown

The rivalry between the Detroit Grape Chews and the Milwaukee Flamingos is a long and complicated one. Starting in Season 1 of the Hellmouth Cup, the rivalry was intense and white-hot; it was named as one of the three Crown Jewels of Golly rivalries. On-field fistfights during Grape Chews-Flamingos matches were more intense and resulted in far more injuries than fistfights between the Grape Chews and any other teams.

However, as the Hellmouth Cup progressed, the rivalry became much more one-way, with the Detroit Grape Chews building much of their team identity around the rivalry, but the Milwaukee Flamingos rapidly losing interest in the rivalry. The Flamingos cited a desire to establish their own identity as a benevolent flock of birds, and began to publicly distance themselves from the Grape Chews. (It is a well-known fact that Milwaukee Flamingos players have never gotten into a single fistfight outside of their matches with the Detroit Grape Chews.)

Valentines Day Series and Butchers-Flamingos Anti-Rivalry

After establishing a hot, messy anti-rivalry in Season 9's Hellmouth Cup series, the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers had many unresolved storylines and tangled loose ends in their newly budding anti-rivalry. Working feverishly toward that end, both teams spent Season 10 with a singular focus on making it to the Hellmouth Cup. The two teams met in their second cup series on Valentine's Day, forever cementing them as the Lovers of Golly.

Initial configuration for "The Lovers Embrace," which set a record for the longest Golly match in history.
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"The Lovers Embrace" after 5,461 generations. Despite being the obvious losers the Milwaukee Flamingos kept teasing the Tucson Butchers for another 2,000 generations.
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The Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series between the Tucson Butchers and Milwaukee Flamingos was nicknamed the "Valentine's Day Series" because it took place on Valentine's Day, because the red/pink color scheme, and because during the Season 9 Hellmouth Cup series, which also featured the Butchers vs the Flamingos, the two teams had developed an anti-rivalry and resolved to meet again in the Hellmouth Cup soon.

This Hellmouth Cup series forms the first X (Season 10, or X) of the Triple X.

Game 1 became notable because, in addition to setting a record for longest game, the Butchers and Flamingos spent most of Game 1 making out, causing most viewers to lose interest in the series altogether, and making Season 10 the least-watched postseason series in Golly history.

The Lovers Embrace

The Lovers Embrace is a nickname given to Game 1 of the Hellmouth Cup b5041ae0-f1a9-49bd-a8fa-79e9ffa00dee, when the Tucson Butchers and Milwaukee Flamingos were reunited after a season apart. The game set a record for the longest Hellmouth Cup series match in history (7,255 generations - see Records/Length/Hellmouth#Longest Postseason Games in Hellmouth Cup).

The game took place on the Underground Cave Complex map. The Tucson Butchers dominated the grid early, which freed them up to spend most of the rest of the match making out with the Milwaukee Flamingos. By the end of the match, most fans had left, and those that remained were booing the umpires; no one could understand why the umpires took so long to declare the match over.

The Flamingos' Flawless Dynasty

With their back-to-back victories in the Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup series, the Flamingos established their franchise's first Flawless Dyansty and the second Flawless Dynasty in Golly history.

Effect of Valentines Day Series on Rivalry with Milwaukee Flamingos

Main: Midwest Love Triangle

The Season 9 and Season 10 Hellmouth Cup and the messy, complicated anti-rivalry between the Milwaukee Flamingos and Tucson Butchers is credited by many historians and psychoanalysts with being one of the principal causes that contributed to the Detroit Grape Chews becoming the Hot League Choke Artists and failing to make it to a final Cup series during their entire history.

The Grape Chews' inability to clinch a Hot League pennant and make it to a single cup game during their entire history was attributed to a combination of overperforming to show off for the Flamingos (which put them in the postseason often) and the tendency to choke in clutch situations, resulting in repeated postseason disappointment for the Grape Chews.

A public statement shortly after the Season 10 Hellmouth Cup by the Tucson Butchers (in response to a reporter's question about the Detroit Grape Chews ) said the Grape Chews were artificially-created globs of manufactured flavor, while Butchers and Flamingos were real, visceral flesh and blood. The Big Purple Machine nickname was never given to a Grape Chews team after Season 10, leading many to interpret the statement as marking the symbolic end of the Grape Chews' Big Purple Machine era.

Midwest Love Triangle

While not, strictly speaking, a love triangle, more like a love motorcycle with a sidecar, fans took to calling the collective complicated relationships between the Flamingos, Grape Chews, and Butchers as the Midwest Love Triangle, starting after Season 10 of the Hellmouth Cup.

The Grape Chews became further frustrated from being rejected and ignored by the Flamingos; their performance tanked during the multiple seasons that followed the Season 10 Valentine's Day Series.

On several occasions, the Detroit Grape Chews made surprise visits to the Milwaukee Flamingos training facilities, only to discover that the Tucson Butchers were visiting, making things extremely awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. On several occasions, fistfights involving the Grape Chews, Butchers, Flamingos, and/or innocent bystanders took place in the street outside the Flamingos training facility.

The Flamingos eventually broke off all formal relations with the Grape Chews, although the Midwest Crown continued.

Grape Chews in the Toroidal Cup

To Be Or Not To Be

TBA

Grape Chews in the Rainbow Cup

Rivalry with Fargo Flea Flickers

(TBD)

Season by Season Summary

The Grape Chews are an original Golly team and joined the Hellmouth Cup in Season 1.

Hellmouth Cup Summary

A brief season-by-season summary:

• In Season 1 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 2-3.
• In Season 2 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Orlando Business Majors .
• In Season 3 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the San Francisco Boat Shoes 1-3.
• In Season 4 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Orlando Business Majors 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Season 5 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Season 6 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Alewife Arsonists 1-3.
• In Season 8 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Alewife Arsonists .
• In Season 9 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Orlando Business Majors 1-3.
• In Season 11 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Atlanta Glitter Sharks 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Alewife Arsonists 1-3.
• In Season 14 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Season 15 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Milwaukee Flamingos 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Delaware Corporate Shells 1-3.
• In Season 19 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Sacramento Boot Lickers 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Alewife Arsonists 2-3.
• In Season 20 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the San Francisco Boat Shoes .
• In Season 21 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Season 22 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Boylston Boogers 2-3.
• In Season 24 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Boylston Boogers .

Toroidal Cup Summary

• In Toroidal/Season 2 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 4 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Boylston Boogers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 9 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #2 seed in the Hot League. They were swept in the Hot League Division Series by the Sacramento Boot Lickers .
• In Toroidal/Season 10 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 12 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Delaware Corporate Shells 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Orlando Business Majors 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 15 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Boylston Boogers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 16 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #4 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 1-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 17 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Orlando Business Majors 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Milwaukee Flamingos 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 18 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They lost the Hot League Division Series to the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 19 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They swept the Orlando Business Majors 3-0 in the Hot League Division Series. They were swept in the Hot League Championship Series by the Albuquerque Solarpunks .
• In Toroidal/Season 21 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #3 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers 3-1 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Sacramento Boot Lickers 2-3.
• In Toroidal/Season 23 the Detroit Grape Chews were the #1 seed in the Hot League. They defeated the Vegas Vampires 3-2 in the Hot League Division Series. They lost the Hot League Championship Series to the Albuquerque Solarpunks 2-3.