Albuquerque Solarpunks

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Revision as of 18:30, 28 November 2025 by Ch4zm (talk | contribs) (→‎Klein Cup)

Albuquerque Solarpunks
Albuquerque Solarpunks logo
"Imagine a different future"
Team Information
Name Albuquerque Solarpunks
Abbreviation ABQ
Nickname Punks
Primary Color #d41199
Secondary Color #00cc00
Logo  ABQ.png 
Hometown Albuquerque
Stadium

The Greenhouse

Albuquerque Solarpunks The Greenhouse.png
Emoji 🌞
Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Mixtape Albuquerque🌞Solarpunks🌞
Integer 9
Divination
Element Fire
Power Word Green
Card 9♠
Motto

Crescit eundo

(It grows as it goes)
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks (The Punks) are a Golly team from Albuquerque, New Mexico. They joined the league in Season 16 of the Hellmouth Cup.

Like the VV.png Vegas Vampires , the Solarpunks are time travelers; the collective was formed in 2083 (in a parallel universe) by a group of federated anarcho-collectivist commune-syndicates. The collective became stranded when they traveled back in time, not only traveling further back in the past than intended, but also traveling to a past parallel universe where the collective had not studied time travel in college, but had instead dropped out and became a Golly sports team. When they realized they were stranded in a parallel universe, they embraced their fate, joined the league, and became solarpunk evangelists.

The Solarpunks' stadium, The Greenhouse, is a living, breathing, carbon-negative building that generates 150% of its energy needs through an array of transparent photosynthetic surfaces. The structure is a working model of the team's cellular automata principles, with channels that reconfigure themselves based on air circulation. The entire building's breathing mechanism is driven by a natural convection channel built into the center of the building.

Hellmouth Cup

History

Punks Join the League

The ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks joined the Golly league during the Season 16 expansion of the Hellmouth Cup. The Punks joined the league as part of a 4-team cohort, along with the SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence , the SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers , and the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls .

The Solarpunks joined the Hot Water division, along with the SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers , the ORL.png Orlando Business Majors , the AA.png Alewife Arsonists , and the BB.png Boylston Boogers .

Albuquerque in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}

  • In Season 18 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Season 20 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Season 21 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Season 22 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
  • In Season 23 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #1 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Season 24 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Hot League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 42.
    • They finished in last place in the Hot League.


Toroidal Cup

History

Texas Murder Coalition

In Toroidal/Season 20, there was some buzz around the league about the possibility of the Commissioner announcing a new Choke Artist: the SS.png Seattle Sneakers . The Curse of the Ancient Mariner had cemented itself into their lore, and the Sneakers, thirsty for a Cup series victory, knew this could be their final do-or-die opportunity. The Sneakers delivered, sweeping the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls in the first round, sweeping the EA.png Elko Astronauts in the second round, and shutting down the ORL.png Orlando Business Majors in 5 efficient games.

In the final moments after the Sneakers were celebrating their victory, the Commissioner had appear to them from the static, like an apparition, and presented the Sneakers with a choice: Cake or Death? The Sneakers shouted "Cake!" - and the Commissioner disappeared just as quickly as they had appeared. Later, the Sneakers learned that the BTX.png Baltimore Texas had been presented with the remaining option, Or Death, and was subsequently incinerated as part of the Cancel Texas Memo.

After all of these events had taken place, and documented, and discussed, and digested, everyone in the league began to afford a certain level of respect to teams who had been involved in the incineration of the Texas. This informal ranking was later studied and formalized by Goober Boylston in a "Boylston on Boylston Violence" column. The ranking was dubbed the Texas Murder Coalition, and consists of teams who participated in the postseason bracket of Toroidal/Season 20, directly or indirectly, and who as a consequence led to the Seattle Sneakers winning the Toroidal Cup, being presented with the choice of Cake or Death, and leaving the Baltimore Texas to their fate of Or Death.

The list, in order of culpability/veneration:

  1. SS.png Seattle Sneakers
  2. ORL.png Orlando Business Majors
  3. EA.png Elko Astronauts
  4. DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells
  5. FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls
  6. LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds
  7. BB.png Boylston Boogers
  8. ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

  1. OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Albuquerque in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season

Chart

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}

  • In Toroidal/Season 1 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 2 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Hot League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 7.
    • They finished in last place in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 3 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 4 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 5 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 6 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Hot League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 8.
  • In Toroidal/Season 7 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Hot League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 8.
    • They finished in last place in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 8 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
  • In Toroidal/Season 10 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Hot League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 7.
    • They finished in last place in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 11 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 14 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They narrowly missed the postseason by losing the tiebreaker to the BB.png Boylston Boogers .
  • In Toroidal/Season 15 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Hot League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 8.
  • In Toroidal/Season 18 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Hot League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 7.
    • They finished in last place in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 19 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 20 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 21 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
  • In Toroidal/Season 22 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #2 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 23 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #3 seed in the Hot League.
  • In Toroidal/Season 24 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #3 seed in the Hot League.


Promotional Posters

ToroidalSeason19 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason22 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason23 Poster.png

Rainbow Cup

History

Albuquerque in the Rainbow Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}


Klein Cup

History

Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire

The ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks completed a devastating sweep of the SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes in the Klein Cup in Season 15.

The Boat Shoes' final legitimate chance at Klein Cup glory came in Klein/Season 15. In a heroic run, they defeated their old Klein Loop rivals the VV.png Vegas Vampires in the Division Series and then won a seven-game thriller against their other old Klein Loop rivals the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews to clinch their first pennant in 8 seasons. They had finally overcome the agony of the Hot League Championship Series (with much help from fate guiding them to play the definitely-cursed Grape Chews in the Championship Series).

And the reward for all of the hard work by the Boat Shoes to get back to the Klein Cup? Getting absolutely roasted in a 4-0 sweep in the Klein Cup final at the hands of the ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks .

It was their last hurrah in the postseason, and truly one fitting of a team whose Klein Cup performance was summed up in the phrase, "Boat Shoes Agonistes."

Albuquerque in the Klein Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}

  • In Klein/Season 1 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 8.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 2 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 3 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 8.
  • In Klein/Season 4 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 5 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 6 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 10 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 11 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 13 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 14 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 15 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 16 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 9.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 17 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 9.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 18 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 9.
  • In Klein/Season 19 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 20 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 22 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 23 the Albuquerque Solarpunks were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Klein/Season 24 the Albuquerque Solarpunks did not reach the postseason.


Hellmouth II Cup

History

Albuquerque in the Hellmouth II Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}


Hellmouth III Cup

History

Albuquerque in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}


Hellmouth IV Cup

History

Albuquerque in the Hellmouth IV Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}


Hellmouth V Cup

History

Albuquerque in the Hellmouth V Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}


Hellmouth VI Cup

History

Albuquerque in the Hellmouth VI Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph ABQ.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron ABQ}}


Navboxes

Hellmouth V League Teams

Hellmouth IV Cup logo

Hellmouth V Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox hellmouth v teams   •   edit
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