Difference between revisions of "Jersey OSHA Violations"

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The '''Jersey OSHA Violations''' are a Golly team from New Jersey. The OSHA Violations were the last Golly team to make the playoffs, in [[Season 5]] of the [[Hellmouth Cup]], earning them the nickname '''The Cubs of Golly.''' The OSHA Violations went on to become infamous for their lack of postseason success in the [[Hellmouth Cup]] and [[Toroidal Cup]].
 
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The OSHA Violations championship drought, the [[Curse of the Silly Goat]], lasted for 45 seasons. The curse was finally broken in [[Rainbow/Season 1|Season 1]] of the [[Rainbow Cup]], when the OSHA Violations became the first-ever Rainbow Cup champions.
 
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{{Infobox team
 
{{Infobox team
 
| name = Jersey OSHA Violations
 
| name = Jersey OSHA Violations
 
| abbr = OSHA
 
| abbr = OSHA
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| nickname = Jersey
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| color = 53917e
 
| color = 53917e
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| league = Cold
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| secondary_color = f0f0f0
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| division = Water
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| emoji = 🚫
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| slogan = Safety third!
 
| slogan = Safety third!
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| motto = ''[[Salus tertio]]''<br />(Safety Third)
 +
 
| hometown = Jersey
 
| hometown = Jersey
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| celebrity_mascot = Danny DeVito
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| stadium = Wawa
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| stadium =  
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| rivals =
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| crowns =
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| antirivals = [[Seattle Sneakers]] ([[Highwire Crown]])
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* [[Highwire Crown]] {{TeamLogo|SS}}
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| arcana = Death (XIII)
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* [[Northbound Crown]] {{TeamLogo|AA}}
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| arcana_title = Child of the Great Transformers
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* [[Southbound Crown]] {{TeamLogo|BB}}
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| emoji =  
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 +
| mixtape = [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2tZJnv5ylLNKr4E2Fy8SxM?si=97720b20efcd4e82 🚫Jersey🚫OSHA🚫Violations🚫]
 +
| integer = 201, and 609
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| movie = The Dark Knight
 +
 
 +
| element = Fire
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| word = Lawyer
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| playing_card = 2♠
 
}}
 
}}
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{{OSHATeamOverview}}
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=Hellmouth Cup=
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==History==
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===Jersey Legal Team===
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{{JerseyLegalTeamFragment}}
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==Jersey in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season==
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===Performance Chart===
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[[File:HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
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===Summary===
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{{Tl|HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthCup OSHA}}
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==Promotional Posters==
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[[Image:Season12_HellmouthCup_Poster.png|500px]]
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 +
=Toroidal Cup=
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==History==
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===Texas Murder Coalition===
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{{ToroidalTexasMurderCoalitionFragment}}
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==Jersey in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season==
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===Chart===
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[[File:ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
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===Summary===
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{{Tl|ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
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{{SeasonBySeason ToroidalCup OSHA}}
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=Rainbow Cup=
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==History==
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===First Ever Franchise Championship===
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{{OSHARainbowSeason1ChampionshipFragment}}
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==Jersey in the Rainbow Cup Season by Season==
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===Performance Chart===
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[[File:RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
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===Summary===
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{{Tl|RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
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{{SeasonBySeason RainbowCup OSHA}}
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=Klein Cup=
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==History==
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==Jersey in the Klein Cup Season by Season==
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===Performance Chart===
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[[File:KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
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===Summary===
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{{Tl|KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
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{{SeasonBySeason KleinCup OSHA}}
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=Hellmouth II Cup=
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==History==
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==Jersey in the Hellmouth II Cup==
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===Performance Chart===
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[[File:HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
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===Summary===
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{{Tl|HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthIICup OSHA}}
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=Hellmouth III Cup=
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==History==
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==Jersey in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season==
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===Performance Chart===
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[[File:HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
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===Summary===
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{{Tl|HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
  
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==OSHA Violations Legal Team==
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthIIICup OSHA}}
  
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While it is not their principal claim to fame, the Jersey OSHA Violations have a world-class legal team of experienced and credentialed lawyers. '''Accidental Dismemberment''', a famous Hellmouth trial lawyer, is team counsel for the Jersey OSHA Violations.
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=Hellmouth IV Cup=
  
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During the [[Hellmouth Cup]] [[Season 3 Fixing Scandal]], the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team did pro bono work representing the Golly Players Union in their bid for the right to retire.
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==History==
  
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The events of the [[Season 3 Fixing Scandal]] and subsequent drought of postseason appearances by the OSHA Violations have led some fans to speculate that the Jersey OSHA Violations have had a hex placed on their database entries by the Golly [[Legal Office]] in retaliation for the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team's pro bono work. However, most fans will readily acknowledge that the real reason the Jersey OSHA Violations struggled in the postseason is because they kind of suck.
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==Jersey in the Hellmouth IV Cup==
  
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==Anti-Rivalry with Seattle Sneakers==
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===Performance Chart===
  
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The {{Team|SS|color=true}} and Jersey OSHA Violations initially bonded through their mutual interest in legal action against the {{Team|SFBS|color=true}}. The two teams became fast friends, soon discovering they also share a hobby of pushing the limits of what is possible for the human body to endure, both physically and psychologically.
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[[File:HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
  
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Players from the OSHA Violations and Seattle Sneakers routinely go on team outings to participate in such extreme splorts as:
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===Summary===
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* base jumping without a parachute
 
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* skydiving without a plane
 
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* upside-down tightrope walking
 
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* jump-off-a-cliff-and-dive-or-maybe-die
 
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* fire-breathing
 
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* tire-eating
 
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* burning-tire-fire-eating
 
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* taco sword-swallowing
 
  
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==Lavish Stadium==
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{{Tl|HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
  
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The Jersey OSHA Violations stadium is a state-of-the-art facility that is clearly paid for with dirty money from organized crime or money laundering or both. Some examples:
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthIVCup OSHA}}
  
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* There are forty-seven steakhouses throughout the stadium
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=Hellmouth V Cup=
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* Every seat in the place has a built-in butt warmer with remote control temperature controller
 
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* The roof is constructed of a rare beryllium permanganate crystal structure that had to be grown in zero gravity
 
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* The locker room contains a bathhouse with two dozen hot tubs, each with a different combination of temperature and mineral content
 
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* The broadcast booth consists of a gigantic swimming pool made of perfectly translucent glass that is precariously perched above the Golly grid, suspended by a nearly-invisible cable, so that broadcasters can see the game more clearly
 
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* The stadium features a lavish sports car museum with hundreds of thousands of cars in the underground salt mine beneath the stadium
 
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* Every vendor in the stadium features free nachos (as do the steakhouses)
 
  
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==Suspected Organized Crime Connections==
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==History==
  
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The Jersey OSHA Violations have performed poorly in nearly every season of every cup they have ever participated in, starting with the [[Hellmouth Cup]]. This has led to questions being raised about the viability of their organization, and the mystery of how they somehow seem to be above-budget each year despite such mediocre performance. The lavish stadium raises many additional questions and is fodder for many rumors in Golly.
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==Jersey in the Hellmouth V Cup==
  
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==Persons of Note==
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===Performance Chart===
  
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The following is an incomplete list of notable members of the Jersey OSHA Violations organization, past and present:
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[[File:HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
  
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* '''Accidental Dismemberment''' - chief legal counsel, Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team
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===Summary===
  
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==Season by Season Summary==
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{{Tl|HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
  
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===Hellmouth Cup Summary===
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthVCup OSHA}}
  
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* In [[Season 1]] the Jersey OSHA Violations finished last in the Cold Water division and did not make the playoffs.
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=Hellmouth VI Cup=
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* In [[Season 3]] the Jersey OSHA Violations did not make the playoffs. They were the first Cold League team to reach [[Partytime]] on Day 48.
 
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* In [[Season 5]] the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the eventual [[Hellmouth Cup]] champions, the {{CTeam|EA}}.
 
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* In [[Season 8]] the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the {{CTeam|SS}}.
 
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* In [[Season 9]] the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the {{CTeam|TB}}.
 
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* In [[Season 12]] the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They won the Cold League pennant, but lost to the {{CTeam|SFBS}} in the [[Hellmouth Cup]] series.
 
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* In [[Season 13]] the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the {{Team|EA|color=true}}.
 
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* In [[Season 17]] the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Championship Series by the {{CTeam|FWPT}}.
 
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* In [[Season 22]] the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Championship Series by the {{CTeam|SS}}.
 
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* In [[Season 24]] the Jersey OSHA Vioations were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They were knocked out in the Cold League Division Series by the {{CTeam|LBFB}}.
 
  
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===Toroidal Cup Summary===
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==History==
  
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TBA
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==Jersey in the Hellmouth VI Cup==
  
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===Rainbow Cup Summary===
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===Performance Chart===
  
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TBA
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[[File:HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph_OSHA.png|800px]]
  
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==Logo and Art==
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===Summary===
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{{Tl|HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthVICup OSHA}}
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=Art=
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===Logo==
  
 
The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:
 
The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:
  
 
[[Image:OSHAViolations_Logo.png|400px]]
 
[[Image:OSHAViolations_Logo.png|400px]]
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==Posters==
  
 
The following poster was commissioned by the [[Artists Union]] after the OSHA Violations made it to the [[Hellmouth Cup]] series in Season 12 to face off against the [[San Francisco Boat Shoes]].
 
The following poster was commissioned by the [[Artists Union]] after the OSHA Violations made it to the [[Hellmouth Cup]] series in Season 12 to face off against the [[San Francisco Boat Shoes]].
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[[Image:OSHA_Poster_OSH.png|400px]]
 
[[Image:OSHA_Poster_OSH.png|400px]]
  
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===Season 12 Hellmouth Cup Poster===
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=Navboxes=
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[[Image:Season12_HellmouthCup_Poster.png|500px]]
 
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==Navboxes==
 
  
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{{Navbox golly teams}}
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{{Navbox hellmouth v teams}}
  
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{{Navbox rainbow teams}}
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{{OSHATeamCategories}}

Latest revision as of 04:30, 23 November 2025

Jersey OSHA Violations
Jersey OSHA Violations logo
"Safety third!"
Team Information
Name Jersey OSHA Violations
Abbreviation OSHA
Nickname Jersey
Primary Color #53917e
Secondary Color #f0f0f0
Logo  OSHA.png 
Hometown Jersey
Stadium Wawa
Emoji 🚫
Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Mixtape 🚫Jersey🚫OSHA🚫Violations🚫
Integer 201, and 609
Movie The Dark Knight
Divination
Element Fire
Power Word Lawyer
Card 2♠
Motto
Salus tertio
(Safety Third)
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations are a Golly team from New Jersey. They are not from Chicago. Generally regarded as lawyers, though nothing about them suggests formal training in the law, the Jersey OSHA Violations love rules, procedures, and finding loopholes. They are best friends with the SS.png Seattle Sneakers .

The Jersey OSHA Violations experienced a championship drought for their first 48 seasons of existence (the Hellmouth Cup and Toroidal Cup) due to the Curse of the Silly Goat. This curse, caused by their stadium being built on the site of a former petting zoo and haunted by the perturbed spirit of a theoretical non-Euclidean goat, led to "goat in the machine" glitches during matches, striking the OSHA Violations at the most critical moments. They overcame the curse in the Klein Cup, and established the team's only dynasty in the Klein Cup.

The Jersey OSHA Violations have a tradition of getting blackout drunk before playoffs games. This has led to the use of the term Jersey Courage to refer to courage gained from intoxication with alcohol. The Jersey OSHA Violations also have a tradition of smoking copious amounts of marijuana during "team safety" meetings. This has led to the use of the term Safety Meeting for marijuana smoking sessions for the collective.

Hellmouth Cup

History

Jersey Legal Team

While it is not their principal claim to fame, the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations have a world-class legal team of experienced and credentialed lawyers. Accidental Dismemberment, a famous Hellmouth trial lawyer, is the team's lead counsel, and offers legal consulting for other Golly teams in any effort to erode the power of the Commissioner's Office.

During the Hellmouth Cup Season 3 Fixing Scandal, the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team did pro bono work representing the Golly Players Union in their bid for the right to retire.

The events of the Season 3 Fixing Scandal and subsequent drought of postseason appearances by the OSHA Violations have led some fans to speculate that the Jersey OSHA Violations had a hex placed on their database entries by the Golly Legal Office in retaliation for the Jersey OSHA Violations Legal Team's pro bono work. However, most fans readily acknowledged that the real reason the Jersey OSHA Violations struggled in the postseason is because they kind of sucked.

Jersey in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}

  • In Season 1 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 48.
  • In Season 2 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
  • In Season 3 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 47.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Season 5 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 8 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 9 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 11 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
  • In Season 12 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 13 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 15 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 43.
  • In Season 17 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 19 the Jersey OSHA Violations did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Season 21 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 22 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 23 the Jersey OSHA Violations were the #3 seed in the Cold League.


Promotional Posters

Season12 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Toroidal Cup

History

Texas Murder Coalition

In Toroidal/Season 20, there was some buzz around the league about the possibility of the Commissioner announcing a new Choke Artist: the SS.png Seattle Sneakers . The Curse of the Ancient Mariner had cemented itself into their lore, and the Sneakers, thirsty for a Cup series victory, knew this could be their final do-or-die opportunity. The Sneakers delivered, sweeping the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls in the first round, sweeping the EA.png Elko Astronauts in the second round, and shutting down the ORL.png Orlando Business Majors in 5 efficient games.

In the final moments after the Sneakers were celebrating their victory, the Commissioner had appear to them from the static, like an apparition, and presented the Sneakers with a choice: Cake or Death?

"Cake," the Sneakers had shouted, and the Commissioner disappeared just as quickly as they had appeared. Only later did the Sneakers learn that the BTX.png Baltimore Texas had been presented with the remaining option, Or Death, and was subsequently incinerated as part of the Cancel Texas Memo.

After all of these events had taken place, and documented, and discussed, and digested, the league gradually afforded a certain level of respect to teams who had been involved in the incineration of the Texas. This informal ranking was later studied and formalized by Goober Boylston in a "Boylston on Boylston Violence" column. The ranking was dubbed the Texas Murder Coalition, and consists of teams who participated in the postseason bracket of Toroidal/Season 20, directly or indirectly, and who as a consequence led to the Seattle Sneakers winning the Toroidal Cup, being presented with the choice of Cake or Death, and leaving the Baltimore Texas to their fate of Or Death.

The list, in order of culpability/veneration:

  1. SS.png Seattle Sneakers
  2. ORL.png Orlando Business Majors
  3. EA.png Elko Astronauts
  4. DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells
  5. FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls
  6. LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds
  7. BB.png Boylston Boogers
  8. ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks
  9. OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Jersey in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season

Chart

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Rainbow Cup

History

First Ever Franchise Championship

In Rainbow/Season 1 the OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations defied the odds, being ranked as underdogs in every postseason series they were in, to gain eternal glory as the first-ever Rainbow Cup champions. The championship victory snapped a 48-season championship drought brought on by the Curse of the Silly Goat.

Jersey in the Rainbow Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Klein Cup

History

Jersey in the Klein Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth II Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth II Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth III Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth IV Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth IV Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth V Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth V Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Hellmouth VI Cup

History

Jersey in the Hellmouth VI Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph OSHA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron OSHA}}


Art

The Jersey OSHA Violations were one of the first teams to have a logo:

OSHAViolations Logo.png

Posters

The following poster was commissioned by the Artists Union after the OSHA Violations made it to the Hellmouth Cup series in Season 12 to face off against the San Francisco Boat Shoes.

OSHA Poster OSH.png

Navboxes

Hellmouth V League Teams

Hellmouth IV Cup logo

Hellmouth V Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox hellmouth v teams   •   edit
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