Difference between revisions of "Elko Astronauts"

From Golly.Life Wiki
 
(One intermediate revision by the same user not shown)
Line 60: Line 60:
  
 
==History==
 
==History==
 +
 +
===Texas Murder Coalition===
 +
 +
{{ToroidalTexasMurderCoalitionFragment}}
  
 
==Elko in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season==
 
==Elko in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season==
Line 192: Line 196:
  
 
{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthVICup EA}}
 
{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthVICup EA}}
 +
 +
=Art=
 +
 +
==Promotional Posters==
 +
 +
[[File:EA_Promotional_Poster.png|600px]]
  
 
=Navboxes=
 
=Navboxes=

Latest revision as of 02:28, 23 November 2025

Elko Astronauts
Elko Astronauts logo
"Where the f--k are we?"
Team Information
Name Elko Astronauts
Abbreviation EA
Nickname The Stros
Primary Color #a0e7e5
Secondary Color #283a3a
Logo  EA.png 
Hometown Elko
Emoji 🛰
Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Mixtape Elko🛰Astronauts🛰
Integer 1,000,000,007
Movie Alien (Director's Cut)
Divination
Element Air
Power Word Outerspace
Card J♣
Motto

Ad astra per aspera

(To the stars through difficulties)
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The EA.png Elko Astronauts are a Golly team from Elko, Nevada. They joined the Hellmouth Cup in Season 1.

The Elko Astronauts are, to put it mildly, a weird bunch. Living in the desert has baked the common sense out of them. They spend much of their time staring up into the sky - directly into the sun, if it is daytime, or into the moon if nighttime. They also spend a significant amount of time staring at the ground.

Most Astronauts will not respond to traditional human methods of gaining attention and initiating conversation. Those who have successfully communicated with Astronauts in the past recommend tin foil and peanuts.

Astronauts are easily frightened by bright lights and loud noises, and visiting stadiums will make special accommodations for Astronauts when they come to town for matches.

Hellmouth Cup

History

Elko in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}

  • In Season 1 the Elko Astronauts did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Season 2 the Elko Astronauts were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 3 the Elko Astronauts were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 5 the Elko Astronauts were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 6 the Elko Astronauts were the #3 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 8 the Elko Astronauts did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Season 9 the Elko Astronauts were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 10 the Elko Astronauts were the #2 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 11 the Elko Astronauts were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 12 the Elko Astronauts did not reach the postseason.
    • They were the first Cold League team to be eliminated from the postseason (Partytime) on day 44.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.
  • In Season 13 the Elko Astronauts were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 14 the Elko Astronauts were the #4 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 16 the Elko Astronauts were the #1 seed in the Cold League.
  • In Season 22 the Elko Astronauts did not reach the postseason.
    • They finished in last place in the Cold League.


Promotional Posters

  • Season2 HellmouthCup Poster.png
  • Season3 HellmouthCup Poster.png
  • Season5 HellmouthCup Poster.png
  • Season13 HellmouthCup Poster.png
  • Season16 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Toroidal Cup

History

Texas Murder Coalition

In Toroidal/Season 20, there was some buzz around the league about the possibility of the Commissioner announcing a new Choke Artist: the SS.png Seattle Sneakers . The Curse of the Ancient Mariner had cemented itself into their lore, and the Sneakers, thirsty for a Cup series victory, knew this could be their final do-or-die opportunity. The Sneakers delivered, sweeping the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls in the first round, sweeping the EA.png Elko Astronauts in the second round, and shutting down the ORL.png Orlando Business Majors in 5 efficient games.

In the final moments after the Sneakers were celebrating their victory, the Commissioner had appear to them from the static, like an apparition, and presented the Sneakers with a choice: Cake or Death?

"Cake," the Sneakers had shouted, and the Commissioner disappeared just as quickly as they had appeared. Only later did the Sneakers learn that the BTX.png Baltimore Texas had been presented with the remaining option, Or Death, and was subsequently incinerated as part of the Cancel Texas Memo.

After all of these events had taken place, and documented, and discussed, and digested, the league gradually afforded a certain level of respect to teams who had been involved in the incineration of the Texas. This informal ranking was later studied and formalized by Goober Boylston in a "Boylston on Boylston Violence" column. The ranking was dubbed the Texas Murder Coalition, and consists of teams who participated in the postseason bracket of Toroidal/Season 20, directly or indirectly, and who as a consequence led to the Seattle Sneakers winning the Toroidal Cup, being presented with the choice of Cake or Death, and leaving the Baltimore Texas to their fate of Or Death.

The list, in order of culpability/veneration:

  1. SS.png Seattle Sneakers
  2. ORL.png Orlando Business Majors
  3. EA.png Elko Astronauts

  1. DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells
  2. FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls
  3. LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds
  4. BB.png Boylston Boogers
  5. ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks
  6. OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Elko in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season

Chart

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Promotional Posters

ToroidalSeason3 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason6 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason21 Poster.png

Rainbow Cup

History

Elko in the Rainbow Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Klein Cup

History

Elko in the Klein Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Hellmouth II Cup

History

Elko in the Hellmouth II Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Hellmouth III Cup

History

Elko in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Hellmouth IV Cup

History

Elko in the Hellmouth IV Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Hellmouth V Cup

History

Elko in the Hellmouth V Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Hellmouth VI Cup

History

Elko in the Hellmouth VI Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph EA.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron EA}}


Art

Promotional Posters

EA Promotional Poster.png

Navboxes

Hellmouth V League Teams

Hellmouth IV Cup logo

Hellmouth V Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox hellmouth v teams   •   edit
Retrieved from "https://wiki.golly.life/w/index.php?title=Elko_Astronauts&oldid=47918"