Difference between revisions of "Baltimore Texas"

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''Related: {{CTeam|BPT}}''
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{{Infobox team
 
{{Infobox team
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| name = Baltimore Texas
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| name = Baltimore Texas II
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| abbr = BTX
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| abbr = BTX2
 +
| nickname = Tex
 +
 
 
| color = 3e92cc
 
| color = 3e92cc
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| league = Cold
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| secondary_color = ffffff
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| division = Fire
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| emoji = ⭐️
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 +
| status =
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* Incinerated as {{CTeam|BTX}}
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* Replaced by {{CTeam|BPT}}
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* Reincarnated as {{CTeam|BTX2}}
 +
 
 
| slogan = Austin, Maryland!
 
| slogan = Austin, Maryland!
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| motto = ''[[Dum spiro despero]]''<br />
 +
(While I breathe, I despair)
 +
 
| hometown = Baltimore
 
| hometown = Baltimore
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| celebrity_mascot = Karl Marx
 
 
| stadium = The Alamo (Lord Baltimore Theater)
 
| stadium = The Alamo (Lord Baltimore Theater)
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| rivals = [[Ft. Worth Piano Tuners]] ([[Texas Crown]])
 
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| arcana = The Hierophant (V)
 
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| arcana_title = Magus of the Eternal Gods
 
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| emoji = ⭐️
 
  
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| movie = Texas
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| crowns =
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| superpower = Ability to lose any game no matter how favorable the odds
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* [[Texas Crown]] {{TeamLogo|FWPT}}
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* [[Match Made In Hell II Crown]] {{TeamLogo|SAC}}
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 +
| integer = 0
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| movie = Pink Flamingos
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| element = Water
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| word = <s>Incineration</s> Reincarnation
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| playing_card = 6♠
 
}}
 
}}
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The {{CTeam|BTX}} are a Golly team from Baltimore, Maryland. The Baltimore Texas are known as '''The Cold League Choke Artists''' due to their numerous appearances in the postseason, without any appearances in the [[Hellmouth Cup]]. Their Hot League counterparts are the [[Detroit Grape Chews]].
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{{BTXTeamOverview}}
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=Hellmouth Cup=
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==History==
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==Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth Cup==
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{{BTXChokeArtistsHellmouthFragment}}
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==Baltimore in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season==
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===Performance Chart===
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[[File:HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph_BTX.png|800px]]
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===Summary===
 +
 
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{{Tl|HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX}}
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthCup BTX}}
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=Toroidal Cup (Incineration)=
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==History==
 +
 
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===Within a Whisker===
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{{ToroidalBTXWithinAWhiskerFragment}}
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===Texas Murder Coalition===
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{{ToroidalTexasMurderCoalitionFragment}}
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 +
==Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Toroidal Cup==
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{{BTXChokeArtistsToroidalFragment}}
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 +
==Baltimore in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season==
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 +
===Chart===
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 +
[[File:ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph_BTX.png|800px]]
 +
 
 +
===Summary===
 +
 
 +
{{Tl|ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX}}
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 +
{{SeasonBySeason ToroidalCup BTX}}
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 +
=Hellmouth III Cup (Reincarnation)=
 +
 
 +
==History==
 +
 
 +
==Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth III Cup==
 +
 
 +
{{BTX2ChokeArtistsHellmouthIIIFragment}}
 +
 
 +
==Baltimore in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season==
 +
 
 +
===Performance Chart===
 +
 
 +
[[File:HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph_BTX2.png|800px]]
 +
 
 +
===Summary===
 +
 
 +
{{Tl|HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}
 +
 
 +
{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthIIICup BTX2}}
 +
 
 +
=Hellmouth IV Cup=
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 +
==History==
 +
 
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==Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth IV Cup==
 +
 
 +
{{BTX2ChokeArtistsHellmouthIVFragment}}
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 +
==Baltimore in the Hellmouth IV Cup==
 +
 
 +
===Performance Chart===
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 +
[[File:HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph_BTX2.png|800px]]
 +
 
 +
===Summary===
 +
 
 +
{{Tl|HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}
 +
 
 +
{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthIVCup BTX2}}
 +
 
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=Hellmouth V Cup=
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==History==
 +
 
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==Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth V Cup==
 +
 
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{{BTX2ChokeArtistsHellmouthVFragment}}
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 +
==Baltimore in the Hellmouth V Cup==
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===Performance Chart===
  
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==Team Character==
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[[File:HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph_BTX2.png|800px]]
  
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==Texas in the Hellmouth Cup==
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===Summary===
  
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==Texas in the Toroidal Cup==
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{{Tl|HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}
  
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==Season by Season Summary==
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthVCup BTX2}}
  
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===Hellmouth Cup Summary===
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=Hellmouth VI Cup=
  
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* In [[Season 2]] the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the {{CTeam|FWPT}} 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|EA}} 2-3.
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==History==
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* In [[Season 4]] the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the {{CTeam|SS}} 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They were swept in the Cold League Championship Series by the {{CTeam|LBFB}}.
 
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* In [[Season 5]] the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the {{CTeam|TB}} 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|EA}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 6]] the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They were swept in the Cold League Division Series by the {{CTeam|SDBA}}.
 
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* In [[Season 8]] the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They swept the {{CTeam|TB}} 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|SS}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 10]] the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|LBFB}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 11]] the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SS}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 12]] the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the {{CTeam|FWPT}} 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|OSHA}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 14]] the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|FWPT}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 18]] the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|LBFB}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 19]] the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the {{CTeam|SDBA}} 3-2 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|FWPT}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 20]] the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|FF}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Season 22]] the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SS}} 1-3.
 
  
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===Toroidal Cup Summary===
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==Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth VI Cup==
  
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 3]] the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They swept the {{CTeam|SDBA}} 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|EA}} 2-3.
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{{BTX2ChokeArtistsHellmouthVIFragment}}
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 4]] the Baltimore Texas were the #4 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the {{CTeam|OSHA}} 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|LBFB}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 5]] the Baltimore Texas were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SLC}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 9]] the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SLC}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 13]] the Baltimore Texas were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SDBA}} 1-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 14]] the Baltimore Texas were the #2 seed in the Cold League. They lost the Cold League Division Series to the {{CTeam|SDBA}} 1-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 17]] the Baltimore Texas were the #3 seed in the Cold League. They swept the {{CTeam|FWPT}} 3-0 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|TB}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 19]] the Baltimore Texas were the #1 seed in the Cold League. They defeated the {{CTeam|OSHA}} 3-1 in the Cold League Division Series. They lost the Cold League Championship Series to the {{CTeam|SDBA}} 2-3.
 
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* In [[Toroidal/Season 20]] the Baltimore Texas were incinerated on the order of the [[Commissioners Office|Commissioner of Golly]], as per the [[Cancel Texas Memo]].
 
  
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==Art==
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==Baltimore in the Hellmouth VI Cup==
  
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===Logo===
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===Performance Chart===
  
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While the team does not have an official logo, Baltimore Texas fans will generally interpret anything with a five-pointed star on it as either property of the Baltimore Texas, and/or designed and/or owned by a Baltimore Texas fan, unless proven otherwise.
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[[File:HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph_BTX2.png|800px]]
  
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This map of Baltimore is sometimes used as a stand-in for a logo:
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===Summary===
  
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[[Image:BTX_BaltimoreBay.jpg|500px]]
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{{Tl|HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}
  
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===Cup Posters===
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{{SeasonBySeason HellmouthVICup BTX2}}
  
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lol, yeah right. The Baltimore Texas were the Cold League Choke Artists, so they never made it to a Cup series.
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=Navboxes=
  
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==Navboxes==
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{{Navbox hellmouth v teams}}
  
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{{Navbox teams}}
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{{BTXTeamCategories}}
  
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[[Category:Choke Artist]]
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{{BTX2TeamCategories}}
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[[Category:BTX]]
 

Latest revision as of 13:20, 21 December 2025

Related: BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners

Baltimore Texas II
Baltimore Texas II logo
"Austin, Maryland!"
Team Information
Name Baltimore Texas II
Abbreviation BTX2
Nickname Tex
Primary Color #3e92cc
Secondary Color #ffffff
Logo  BTX2.png 
Hometown Baltimore
Stadium The Alamo (Lord Baltimore Theater)
Emoji ⭐️
Status

Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Integer 0
Movie Pink Flamingos
Divination
Element Water
Power Word Incineration Reincarnation
Card 6♠
Motto

Dum spiro despero

(While I breathe, I despair)
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The BTX.png Baltimore Texas were BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II are a Golly team from Baltimore, Maryland. The original Baltimore Texas, and their reincarnation as the Baltimore Texas II, are known as The Cold League Choke Artists due to their numerous appearances in the postseason without ever winning a pennant. Their Hot League Choke Artist counterparts are the DET.png Detroit Grape Chews .

The BTX.png Baltimore Texas were incinerated at the end of Toroidal/Season 20 as part of the Cancel Texas Memo. On October 10, 2021, shortly after the Toroidal/Season 20 postseason had ended, a planned incineration ceremony for the Baltimore Texas was cut short when the Commissioner accidentally sat on the incineration button and incinerated the Texas before the ceremony began. Following the event, the Commissioner established Ten Ten, an annual holiday for teams that have not yet been incinerated to celebrate being un-incinerated.

The Baltimore Texas were reincarnated and reinstated as the BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II for the Hellmouth III Cup. The entire city of Baltimore breathed a collective sigh of relief when the much-reviled and widely-despised BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners (composed of humiliated members of the former hated rivals FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners ) were incinerated.

Hellmouth Cup

History

Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth Cup

The BTX.png Baltimore Texas earned the moniker of Cold League Choke Artists in the Hellmouth Cup.

Much like the Big Purple Machine in Detroit, the Baltimore Texas were initially seen as a strong postseason contender with a streak of unlucky occurrences. But as the Texas continued to make postseason appearance after postseason appearance, their losses quickly mounted, and by Season 8, when the Texas had already appeared in the LCS 4 times and lost all 4 times, it was clear that something was terribly wrong - the team was choking hard in the postseason - so they were officially dubbed Choke Artists.

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Division Series seven (7) times:

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Championship Series six (6) times:

Baltimore in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph BTX.png

Summary

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX}}


Toroidal Cup (Incineration)

History

Within a Whisker

The story of the Toroidal/Season 4 double choke is deeper than just the double choke. It's an allegory about greed, about getting caught up in success, about the inherent danger in not following through.

Going into Toroidal/Season 4, the Texas were seemingly cemented into their reputation as a Cold League Choke Artists, but the Texas knew that it would only take one pennant to shrug off the curse. In a stirring motivational speech delivered before the opening Game 1 of the BTX.png Baltimore Texas -LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds matchup, the Texas radio announcer, Dallas Huston, fired up the Texas and sent them charging into Game 1 like a team possessed. The Texas mopped up the Flightless Birds in the first 2 games, and showed little sign of slowing down.

The Texas, one win away from a pennant, could hardly believe their luck. They were so elated that the entire collective, that night, booked their flights for the Season 4 Toroidal Cup - to Detroit, of course, because the Grape Chews, their fellow Hot League Choke Artists, were also up 2 games to none, and also looked to be on the verge of clinching their first ever pennant and breaking their own curse.

Except the next night, in a veritable arm-wrestling match, the Flightless Birds won Game 3 by the thinnest of margins - 4 points. They came back out the next night and beat the Texas again in Game 4, stunning the Texas (as well as the many Long Beach fans in attendance). Tied up at 2 games apiece, the winner-take-all Game 5 (ToroidalCup.png 4ab2a8d7-6105-4de3-8f32-457f879b7234) saw the Flightless Birds shot out of a cannon, only to see their lead crumble away to half of the Texas total. But in the closing moments of the game, the Flightless Birds executed an emergency bloom maneuver, leaving Baltimore virtually untouched but spiking their point total. Then, the Flightless Birds' bloom maneuver began to rapidly fade, the Birds' score began to crash, all but certain to return the lead back to the Texas. And then the game clock froze - the final generation ticked - the elated Baltimore Texas stormed the field, cheering and shouting, as the match was declared over - until gradually, a hush fell over the Baltimore Texas fans on the field. Some of the fans were pointing at the scoreboard, some fans were crying, some staring with shock and horror, others were holding and consoling each other.

The final bloom maneuver by the Flightless Birds had been perfectly executed, and the LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds had beaten the BTX.png Baltimore Texas and clinched the pennant by a single point: 153-152.

Season 4 Cold League Championship Series Results Table
LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds vs. BTX.png Baltimore Texas

  Winner W Score Margin L Score Loser Generations Link
Game 1 Baltimore Texas 163 18.40% 133 Long Beach Flightless Birds 1,110 ToroidalCup.png 06796e18-f472-450e-b9ad-2262d4789337
Game 2 Baltimore Texas 189 64.02% 68 Long Beach Flightless Birds 1,644 ToroidalCup.png 08d5d1af-b0ce-4d35-8340-bd23f11dca72
Game 3 Long Beach Flightless Birds 174 2.30% 170 Baltimore Texas 1,081 ToroidalCup.png 45a2fbd3-aa02-43c6-b4a9-c6f14c211fe5
Game 4 Long Beach Flightless Birds 187 15.51% 158 Baltimore Texas 3,751 ToroidalCup.png f2ca2cb6-9aa7-4fa8-be47-48bb69e55b21
Game 5 Long Beach Flightless Birds 153 0.65% 152 Baltimore Texas 1,846 ToroidalCup.png 4ab2a8d7-6105-4de3-8f32-457f879b7234

Texas Murder Coalition

In Toroidal/Season 20, there was some buzz around the league about the possibility of the Commissioner announcing a new Choke Artist: the SS.png Seattle Sneakers . The Curse of the Ancient Mariner had cemented itself into their lore, and the Sneakers, thirsty for a Cup series victory, knew this could be their final do-or-die opportunity. The Sneakers delivered, sweeping the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls in the first round, sweeping the EA.png Elko Astronauts in the second round, and shutting down the ORL.png Orlando Business Majors in 5 efficient games.

In the final moments after the Sneakers were celebrating their victory, the Commissioner had appear to them from the static, like an apparition, and presented the Sneakers with a choice: Cake or Death? The Sneakers shouted "Cake!" - and the Commissioner disappeared just as quickly as they had appeared. Later, the Sneakers learned that the BTX.png Baltimore Texas had been presented with the remaining option, Or Death, and was subsequently incinerated as part of the Cancel Texas Memo.

After all of these events had taken place, and documented, and discussed, and digested, everyone in the league began to afford a certain level of respect to teams who had been involved in the incineration of the Texas. This informal ranking was later studied and formalized by Goober Boylston in a "Boylston on Boylston Violence" column. The ranking was dubbed the Texas Murder Coalition, and consists of teams who participated in the postseason bracket of Toroidal/Season 20, directly or indirectly, and who as a consequence led to the Seattle Sneakers winning the Toroidal Cup, being presented with the choice of Cake or Death, and leaving the Baltimore Texas to their fate of Or Death.

The list, in order of culpability/veneration:

  1. SS.png Seattle Sneakers
  2. ORL.png Orlando Business Majors
  3. EA.png Elko Astronauts
  4. DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells
  5. FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls
  6. LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds
  7. BB.png Boylston Boogers
  8. ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks
  9. OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Toroidal Cup

The BTX.png Baltimore Texas continued to live up to their title of Cold League Choke Artists during the Toroidal Cup. They were incinerated as part of the Cancel Texas Memo and would not re-appear until they were resurrected as the BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II in the Hellmouth III Cup.

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Division Series four (4) times:

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Championship Series four (4) times:

Baltimore in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season

Chart

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph BTX.png

Summary

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX}}


Hellmouth III Cup (Reincarnation)

History

Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth III Cup

The BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II continued to live up to their title of Cold League Choke Artists in the Hellmouth III Cup, even after being incinerated and then resurrected.

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Division Series one (1) time:

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Championship Series six (6) times:

Baltimore in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph BTX2.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}


Hellmouth IV Cup

History

Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth IV Cup

The BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II continued to live up to their title of Cold League Choke Artists in the Hellmouth IV Cup, experiencing more chokes in both the League Division Series and the League Championship Series.

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Division Series six (6) times:

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Championship Series six (6) times:

Baltimore in the Hellmouth IV Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph BTX2.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}


Hellmouth V Cup

History

Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth V Cup

The BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II continued to live up to their title of Cold League Choke Artists in the Hellmouth V Cup, experiencing more chokes in both the League Division Series and the League Championship Series.

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Division Series five (5) times:

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Championship Series three (3) times:

Baltimore in the Hellmouth V Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph BTX2.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}


Hellmouth VI Cup

History

Baltimore Choke Artistry in the Hellmouth VI Cup

The BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II continued to live up to their title of Cold League Choke Artists in the Hellmouth VI Cup, experiencing more chokes in both the League Division Series and the League Championship Series.

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Division Series (?) times:

Overall, the Texas choked in the League Championship Series (?) times:


Baltimore in the Hellmouth VI Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph BTX2.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BTX2}}


Navboxes

Hellmouth V League Teams

Hellmouth IV Cup logo

Hellmouth V Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox hellmouth v teams   •   edit
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