Boylston Boogers

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Revision as of 05:09, 23 November 2025 by Ch4zm (talk | contribs) (→‎Rainbow Cup)

Boylston Boogers
Boylston Boogers logo
"Boogers Bounce Back!"
Team Information
Name Boylston Boogers
Abbreviation BB
Nickname Boogs
Primary Color #697a21
Logo  BB.png 
Hometown Boston, MA
Stadium Boylston Street Station, Green Line
Emoji 🐽
Status Active
Rivalry Crowns
Favorites
Mixtape 🐽Boylston🐽Boogers🐽
Integer 1001
Divination
Element Water
Power Word Moist
Card 8♣
Motto

Ex medio omnia

(From the center, everything)
 
Template:Infobox team   •   edit
 

The BB.png Boylston Boogers are a Golly team from the Boylston Street Station in downtown Boston, Massachusetts. The Boogers joined the league in Season 14, when the ATL.png Atlanta Glitter Sharks became the Atlanta Quitter Sharks and quit the Golly league. The Boogers are cross-town rivals with the AA.png Alewife Arsonists ; each year they compete for the MTA Crown.

The Boylston Street Station, home stadium of the BB.png Boylston Boogers , is one of Boston's oldest stations, and is a landmark of historic tile and wrought iron. The design of the station stands in contrast to the Brutalist Concrete Cathedral (a.k.a. Alewife Station, home of the Red Line rivals, the AA.png Alewife Arsonists . Boogers describe Alewife Station as a soulless concrete monstrosity, while the Arsonists will describe Boylston Street Station as a confused, disintegrating burrito of subway tubes and stairwells. The architectural holy war has been greatly exacerbated by Goober Boylston (no relation), an architecture critic for the Boston Tribune and unofficial spokesperson for the Boogers. Boylston is the main author of the Boylston sports column, Boylston on Boylston Violence.

The Boogers take a "Center of the Universe" philosophy, embodied by their team motto, Ex medio omnia (from the center, everything). This stands in direct contrast to the "End of the Line" philosophy of the Arsonists. Boogers fans are "Centerists" who believe that Boylston Street Station is the hub of Boston, and that Boston is the hub of the universe. Boogers often utilize patterns that begin with a center core and emerge outward, and often collapse when reaching the "unimportant" edges of the grid.

Hellmouth Cup

History

The Cartographic Defamation

The modern MTA Crown rivalry between the AA.png Alewife Arsonists and BB.png Boylston Boogers had its fuse lit in Season 14 not by a match, but by a mosaic. In a grand act of civic arrogance, the Boogers unveiled a massive, permanent tile subway system map at Boylston station. The Boogers had commissioned the work from Mr. Bartholomew Peabody Finch, a celebrated (but notoriously smug) artist from Wellesley who was a huge Boogers fan. The map was a masterpiece of passive aggression. It depicted the Green Line as a thick, vibrant artery of emerald and gold tile, pulsing with life, feeding all of Boston with its energy and vitality. In stark contrast, the Red Line was rendered as a thin, pathetic capillary of cracked crimson ceramic that withered and fizzled into a gray, featureless smudge at Alewife. This public insult, dubbed The Cartographic Defamation, was the moment the "GO BACK TO WELLESLEY!!" chant was first shouted by Alewife fans at Boogers players.

The Wellesley Heresy

This first encounter in the postseason between the AA.png Alewife Arsonists and BB.png Boylston Boogers in Season 14 was an instant classic, but one that served up a dose of heartbreak to Alewife. Riding high as the #1 seed going into the postseason, the Arsonists were consumed with fury over the Cartographic Defamation incident. But they handled it poorly, their rage was too personal, and their patterns became rigid and artless. The Boogers, in contrast, played in a cool, mocking style. The final winning formation from the Boogers was a perfect formation of stable oscillators, a victory of infuriating poise against blind aggression. As the mysterious Brake Master Cylinder put it, "The Boogers turned our fire to glass, and showed us our own reflection. To which we all say... GO BACK TO WELLESLEY!" The loss, which came to be known as The Wellesley Heresy, ignited the rivalry that burns to this day in an intense inferno.

WINNER: BB.png Boylston Boogers

Boylston in the Hellmouth Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthSeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{HellmouthRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Posters

Season23 HellmouthCup Poster.png

Toroidal Cup

History

War of the Pothole

Toroidal/Season 8 was the postseason series AA.png Alewife Arsonists fans had craved for decades: the first postseason matchup against the BB.png Boylston Boogers since the ugly Cartographic Defamation and the psychological trauma of the Wellesley Heresy of the Hellmouth Cup.

The entire series was a brutal, ugly slog that was fought deep in the tunnels of the Red and Green Lines. In the deciding fifth game, the Boogers deployed a massive, elegant, and seemingly unstoppable pattern. But the Boogers' beautiful construct hit a tiny snag in the formation, with a single pixel out of place (the so-called "Pothole Pixel" in Alewife Station, well-known to all Arsonists as a glitchy cell to be avoided), and the entire Boogers formation instantly collapsed into an ash field. The Arsonists' resulting victory was not glorious, and it was nothing more than a lucky break, but it was righteous. It was a win for Alewife and for broken, unmaintained streets everywhere.

WINNER: AA.png Alewife Arsonists

Texas Murder Coalition

In Toroidal/Season 20, there was some buzz around the league about the possibility of the Commissioner announcing a new Choke Artist: the SS.png Seattle Sneakers . The Curse of the Ancient Mariner had cemented itself into their lore, and the Sneakers, thirsty for a Cup series victory, knew this could be their final do-or-die opportunity. The Sneakers delivered, sweeping the FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls in the first round, sweeping the EA.png Elko Astronauts in the second round, and shutting down the ORL.png Orlando Business Majors in 5 efficient games.

In the final moments after the Sneakers were celebrating their victory, the Commissioner had appear to them from the static, like an apparition, and presented the Sneakers with a choice: Cake or Death? The Sneakers shouted "Cake!" - and the Commissioner disappeared just as quickly as they had appeared. Later, the Sneakers learned that the BTX.png Baltimore Texas had been presented with the remaining option, Or Death, and was subsequently incinerated as part of the Cancel Texas Memo.

After all of these events had taken place, and documented, and discussed, and digested, everyone in the league began to afford a certain level of respect to teams who had been involved in the incineration of the Texas. This informal ranking was later studied and formalized by Goober Boylston in a "Boylston on Boylston Violence" column. The ranking was dubbed the Texas Murder Coalition, and consists of teams who participated in the postseason bracket of Toroidal/Season 20, directly or indirectly, and who as a consequence led to the Seattle Sneakers winning the Toroidal Cup, being presented with the choice of Cake or Death, and leaving the Baltimore Texas to their fate of Or Death.

The list, in order of culpability/veneration:

  1. SS.png Seattle Sneakers
  2. ORL.png Orlando Business Majors
  3. EA.png Elko Astronauts
  4. DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells
  5. FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls
  6. LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds
  7. BB.png Boylston Boogers

  1. ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks
  2. OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Boylston in the Toroidal Cup Season by Season

Chart

ToroidalSeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{ToroidalRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Posters

ToroidalSeason4 Poster.png

ToroidalSeason11 Poster.png

Rainbow Cup

History

Coattail Pennant

Rainbow/Season 12 represented an all-time low for AA.png Alewife Arsonists - clinching a spot in the Rainbow Cup by finishing second to their bitter rivals, the BB.png Boylston Boogers . The final game in the that Season 12 Championship Series got ugly, with fistfights between the Boogers and Arsonists breaking out. The entirety of the final Game 9 was a slap in the face for Alewife, a virtual victory parade for the Boogers, with the Arsonists stuck trailing behind the parade to clean up the mess.

When the final results came in from the mysterious Brake Master Cylinder's pirate radio broadcast, confirming the Boogers had won the pennant and the Arsonists had merely secured a spot behind their snot-nosed uptown rivals, there were no horns sounding the Alewife Salute in the parking garage. It was a rare occasion where a postseason clinch was met with absolute, tomblike silence. The spiritual defeat of being pulled into the finals by their most hated rials was a deep wound that only a Rainbow Cup win against the Boogers could heal. It was a Coattail Pennant.

The healing would not come in Rainbow/Season 12: the Arsonists bombed out of the Rainbow Cup, taking a distant last place with 17🌈, far behind the Boogers with 53🌈. As the mysterious Brake Master Cylinder said in his famous final broadcast: "The Arsonists were not here to accumulate rainbows. They were here to SEND THE BOOGERS BACK TO WELLESLEY. And whether they earned 1🌈 or 17🌈, whether the Boogers put their grubby fingers on the Rainbow Cup or not, it doesn't matter, because tonight, the Arsonists failed at the main thing: to keep the main thing the main thing."

Alewife wouldn't have to wait long: they would get their vengeance in Rainbow/Season 13.

Boylston in the Rainbow Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

RainbowSeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{RainbowRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Klein Cup

History

Boylston in the Klein Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

KleinSeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{KleinRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Hellmouth II Cup

History

Boylston in the Hellmouth II Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIISeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Hellmouth III Cup

History

Boylston in the Hellmouth III Cup Season by Season

Performance Chart

HellmouthIIISeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIIIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Hellmouth IV Cup

History

Boylston in the Hellmouth IV Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthIVSeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{HellmouthIVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Hellmouth V Cup

History

Boylston in the Hellmouth V Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVSeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Hellmouth VI Cup

History

Boylston in the Hellmouth VI Cup

Performance Chart

HellmouthVISeasonsQuantileGraph BB.png

Summary

{{HellmouthVIRankList SeasonAllTime Chron BB}}


Art

The Boogers announced a rebranding at the end of the Hellmouth Cup, and came out with a new minimalist Boylston Boogers logo:

BoylstonBoogersLogo Minimalist.png

The press conference revealing the logo coincided with a press conference held by the AA.png Alewife Arsonists across town in which the Arsonists also revealed their redesigned, minimalist logo that was remarkably similar:

AlewifeArsonistsLogo Minimalist.png

Litigation has been ongoing since then, and continues to this day. It is widely suspected that the Boogers and Arsonists hired the same graphic designer for their logo redesign, leading to the similar logos. After the logo release fiasco, both teams hired the same lawyers to sue their cross-town rival.

Navboxes

Hellmouth V League Teams

Hellmouth IV Cup logo

Hellmouth V Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX2.png Baltimore Texas II

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

TB.png Tucson Butchers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

Hot Fire Division

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox hellmouth v teams   •   edit


Golly League Teams

Hellmouth Cup logo

Hellmouth Cup
Teams

Toroidal Cup logo

Toroidal Cup
Teams 		Cold Fire Division

BTX.png Baltimore Texas (incinerated)

BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners

EA.png Elko Astronauts

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

Cold Water Division

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

FWPT.png Ft. Worth Piano Tuners (moved to Baltimore)

LIL.png Louisville Illusionists

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

TB.png Tucson Butchers

Hot Fire Division

DECOOLD.png Delaware Corporate Shells (suspended pending litigation)

VV.png Vegas Vampires

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

Hot Water Division

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

ORL.png Orlando Business Majors

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

ATL.png Atlanta Glitter Sharks (quitters)

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox golly teams   •   edit


Rainbow Cup Teams

Rainbow Cup logo

Rainbow Cup
Teams 		Unwest League, Cold Division

MILF.png Milwaukee Flamingos

DET.png Detroit Grape Chews

FFF.png Fargo Flea Flickers

BPT.png Baltimore Piano Tuners

Unwest League, Northunwest Division

DECO.png Delaware Corporate Shells

OSHA.png Jersey OSHA Violations

AA.png Alewife Arsonists

BB.png Boylston Boogers

Unwest League, South Division

SGE.png Sugar Grove Eavesdroppers

ORL.png Orlando Business Majors

LIL.png Louisville Illusionists

MW.png Mobile Wheels

West League, Mountain Division

EA.png Elko Astronauts

ABQ.png Albuquerque Solarpunks

GJC.png Grand Junction Conjunctions

SLC.png Salt Lake Turbulence

West League, Pacific Division

SS.png Seattle Sneakers

SFBS.png San Francisco Boat Shoes

SAC.png Sacramento Boot Lickers

VV.png Vegas Vampires

West League, Southwest Division

TB.png Tucson Butchers

FF.png Phoenix Freshrolls

SDBA.png San Diego Balloon Animals

LBFB.png Long Beach Flightless Birds

Navbox Info:
Template:Navbox rainbow teams   •   edit
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